due to the question of a person, i've gone bak to thinking in my own lil world.
"what would you do if dat person were to come bak? would u open up ur arms and bring da trouble?"
i suppose if u put it dat way, i am trouble, even if i dun intend myself to be. i know i will always bring da memories bak, da pain hurts again. I really don't want it to. i would openly greet him with my arms stretched wide.....but what if he dun want it?!?!? Each time i look into dat person's eyes, i hurt once more....so how can that person not feel it unless he really actually doesn't care bout meh at all??? i swear......if he leaves...maybe it's for the best of us. when he comes bak....he'll prolly have forgotten meh.....i swear.....u mite not think it's possible, but i would rather just leave everything and give it all...if dat's what he wants to be happy....
if dat person wants to forget meh, all da times we shared, everything that i hold dear to my heart....then, i'm willing to sacrifice all dat. i will never forget, dat's just cause i'm not dat kinda person.....all i will do is just let him forget. i will never bring myself bak into his lyphe....nor do i want him in mine....but subcousiously....we all noe i do.
another scenario
what if he open armed greeted meh???
dat's not likely. peeps move on. let's all see....a year comes and goes..... some peeps....such as myself, are emotionally stubborn. i'm da worst types. i never actually truly move on....no matta how i wanna.....i try with all my mite, but i just can't...
if he openly greeted meh bak...what would be my reaction???? i've never thought of that.....i can only dream of it happening.
he asked to be friends, but what we have now is below what i call friendship. i never actually told him this cause i noe he wun wanna listen. it's da funniest thing u see....he says he loves to listen, but he never actually does. actually.....alot of peeps can hear...but none actually listen. i swear....dis world is almost all half deaf.....yeah...i said almost all......contridictory in english grammar...sollie bout dat. dere are a few dat actually hear and listen at the same time. dey never listen to the meaning behind the words being spoken, and when they do, they translate it well. what i find is the most preticular thing. those that speak well normally tend to listen betta...but are incapable of actually hearing well.....so therefore...those are peeps u make sit down with you and have a talk. there are also those that are great hearers but are horrible listeners....it's cause dey dun really care and dun have da heart to listen to the exact words....dey just wanna go on with their own lyphe. yet again, there are those that are all of the above....love to hear, love to listen, love to talk. they are great at all three...may not be in front of large crowds, but they love to talk and listen and hear. yes...to meh....listening and hearing are separate things....dey involve many of the same skills, but one more skill is needed in listening.
WHICH TYPE OF PERSON ARE YOU?!?!? maybe u need to improve on one of dese skills to master the art of being the greatest friend....
yet again i notice sumthing fully shocking. YOU ARE SELFISH NO MATTA HOW U TRY TO DENY IT. everyone is constantly thinking of oneself before others. this is in fact very true. i've noticed it within others....and then through close self- investigation...have noticed the same thing within myself. i love to care, it's just my nature....but by nature.....some of the motives for caring are self-centered. people say thing sub-conciously.....they mite not mean what it is directly, but by indirect words says what they truly deep down acknowledge and feel. for example, pointing the fingers bak at myself, loneliness.....i always feel that....and in a sense....i always ask "why dun others feel like i do?" and in everything i say and do, i reflect this characteristic. yes, many do not notice this trait, but in reflection i find that this is often times true. bak to the point, everyone is selfish. just as today, da parents who care for meh the most, my family, were all trying to help me by "protecting" meh from peeps. yes in a sense, i noe they were only caring, but in a sense....they're being selfish....they protect meh cause they don't want meh to like be unhappy....they can't stand it....they can't stand me being around certain peeps....they can't stand that i'm growing up. i guess most of this selfishness in everyone is due to the fact of change. change is always constant. infact, change is the only thing that is ever constant and ever present. lyphe is change within itself. well whatever.....too deep for many now...so meh signing off for the nite.....