time an time again, years and years later, months and months afta, you continue to drive that dagger right through my heart. sighs. yeah, maybe we've offended you, but have you ever thought of it that you've offended us too?

sighs. yeah, i'm not a player, and relationships mean more to meh than you'd ever think. yeah, i know i have a horrible relationship with my parents, and i know, it's entirely my fault. i just don't know how to communicate with my parents. yes, we can talk about skools, we can talk about clothes, we can talk about money, we can talk about GOD. but we can never talk about us. hm. i suppose i should sleep soon, i'm soo angry at this present moment that tears are starting to form in my eyes. arg. crying endlessly. not for sumone dead either, for someone who's alive, but dead to meh now.

when you die, i prolly won't go to ur funeral. not that i don't wanna pay a dead person my last respects, but really, i don't think i could handle it. i think i'd go insane. i snap at the smallest of things, not intentionally, but yeah, i still snap n e ways.

yeah, i'm softhearted you say, some may say i'm cold because i'm able to hate. sighs sighs. it's in our nature to be angry and hate. sighs. anger is what drives emotions to hate. i can't say i wanna hate, but i can't say dat i don't wanna. sighs sighs. i'd say i want you to go to hell, but i know deep down inside, i'd rather have you all in one peice in heaven n e day.

u wan my respect, u have always had my respect, always. remember this, it's you that always goes and yell at me first, i just sit ther and listen and think about what you said. u think i'm stupid. u think i don't think. u think i'm just a stupid lil gurl, but in the same way, i can say the same thing about you. not that you would care much of n e. people say i take things too seriously, den i'm going to say it to you, u should just let go, it's not our faults that we can't make it to a certain place, or dat we said we would go and told you we couldn't afterwards. it's not our fault.

u think i haven't changed, yeah, look again. not with ur eyes, not with ur heart, but see with ur mind. dig into ur memory of the person i was, yeah, u never accpeted meh then, so no matter how much i changed now, u still will never accept meh.

it's not my problem dat all you want is change. it's not my problem that you think ur right and everyone else is wrong. it's not my problem dat i'm sabina not da sabina person dat you want meh to be.

sighs, i ain't thoughtless right now, i'm just not veyr much in a mood to talk about what i feel at the present moment. al i can say is dis, if you were to talk to meh on msn, and you have msn6, den you'd see dat my display pic is a crying angel. if you found that image on line, u'd notice that that angel has never ending tears, they run over and over till your pc stops or sumthing. at the present moment, that's how i am, not on the outside, but on the inside, my heart weeps beyond.

i can't say dis is da time i've cried da most, because at a time in my lyphe, da tears in my heart choked meh, and i really cried endless tears. whatever the case maybe, maybe it was my fault, but if you don't accept my apologies, and ur just holding a grudge, den maybe u should see that there's more to lyphe. u think ur sooo smart, u think ur sooo right, is it my fault that you have an ego problem? man, lower urself. treat urself how you treat others. maybe then you'd see that you ain't perfect either. man. u yell at meh thinking ur all high and mighty, but really, who gives you that authority. if you ask for respect, you don't know what it is because you obviously don't show much to other people's feelings. unless the fact is that you have no feelings so you don't feel how much u damage people, den i would find no better explaination for it.

time and time again, for the past two weeks, i have been expressing my anger about the same person over and over again. it does get kinda sickening. i can't help it. if someone could just once again come and sweep meh off my feet, maybe i'd feel nothing at all again. maybe i'd learn to not care. mabye i'd just grow cold from things that i don't want to happen to meh. hahaha=.:D:P i don't know.

i thought i was dead, but maybe i'm being shown a sign that i ain't dead. dead people can't even feel hatred. dead people can't feel love. dead people can't feel. so basically, i'm not dead, just somewhat only half alive, like a vegetable person. in a sense, only mentally, because physically, i am definately moving. sighs sighs....

if everyone would just get off their high horses and see the ground on their own two feet, wouldn't u think that it could just be a little better. hahaha=>:D my teacher says dat it like hurt dat she was soooo rejected as a little kid. haha=>:D:P but the thing is, she's only been rejected for like 5 weeks, and she said that caused her alot of pain. hahhaa=>:D:P she wonders how people live past that rejection. hahaha=>:D:P the key to living in an environment filled with rejection is to never reject the person you are. yeah, it comes from first hand experience. hahaha=>:D:P oh wellz. hm.

men, i can say are kinda weaker, but in some sense, no, dey are stronger. here we go. girls are just sensitive, sensitivity don't make someone weaker or stronger. there are a few things that the sensitive should learn from the not so sensitive and the not so sensitive should learn from the sensitive. guyz have an easier time and less guilt to not care. hey, not that gurls dun have dat ability, just that most gurls either naturally don't care, or they hurt too much not to care. hahaha=>:D:P if you know meh, u'll know which i am. i don't believe that there is a level where no one cares. simply by saying that you don't care, it's already telling others that you give a damn just a bit. it's just dat u wanna keep face, so then well....because u want dat image, u just say dat u dun care, knowing deep down inside you somewhere, there is a part that still cares just that lil weee bit. hahaha=>:D:P

humans like to keep dignity no matta what da cost. hahaha=>:D:P by simply just saying a comment under breath is keeping face....at least to urself in da least bit. no one likes to be proven wrong. hahaha=>:d in a sense, every bit of my thoughts are always wrong, but well, dere are every bits and parts that maybe sometimes people could learn to be a bit diff from meh. hahaha=>:D:P

no, i'm not special, winston, u were right. but in every bit, i'm still sabina, and each and every atom in meh is different in some way. hahaha=>:D:P if no one was to stand out in a crowd, den why are dere different faces, different features, different height, different weight, different ethnicity groups. hahaha=>:D:P at FIRST GOD created us to be all the same, but because problems started to occur, he made everyone speak diff languages and different cultures aroused. hahaha=>:D:P each and every part of meh is still bitter at you, but hm.....at the present moment, i don't wanna say i don't care, but i really can't say i care a whole lot.

there are better things then to worry about things that other people have done towards meh. when people feel like apologizing, maybe at that time, i'm already too far gone. the sun is already on the other side. no light has shined through, nothing can penetrate the high wall i wall myself up in. hahaha=>:D:P i used to be that person, but i no longer want to be that way, not that you even care a bit. my friends are those that don't throw spasms at meh because their pissed, but simply tell meh wuz wrong so i'll just sit and listen. obviously, u haven't learnt human curtesy. man, the world lacks manors sometimes. but oh wellz.

yeah, love and sorry are words dat i really don't wanna hear or say. but time and time again, i fail to not say them. i make mistakes, and by trying not to say em, it means dat i think i'm tooo perfect that my faults are even above a simple apology. love, that word makes me sick, but you know, it's not a term i use lightly. obviously people had no clue. oh wellz....

sighs sighs.....i miss you tons. hm....it woulda been 11 months by now. oh wellz. it wasn't meant to be. hahaha=>:D:P i suppose this is the first time i've actually felt dissappointment. haha=>:D:P maybe pat, ur right in a sense that in a snese it would feel nice to have a gurl love you soo much no matter the faults you do.....but it's also makes you pity urself because u feel as if you don't deserve that feeling...

i'm being sexist, but in this world, it was GOD who even created man first, doesn't that tell you something. yeah, government is wrong when they say that the bible needs to be updated, it's acutally that people haveta become familiar with it. man, our politicians are supposedly christian, what da heck are they thinking? yeah, that tells you alot dun it? dat da people in da world ain't dat great no matta what dey claim to be.

i can't say dat i haven't ever thought of becoming a homosexual, i have no prejudice against the people that are homosexual, i have a problem that they are committing acts of homosexuality. just becuase the government says it's right, does it mean that it is? yeah, think of this, if this world became totally homosexual, where would the babies come from? where would those homosexuals adopt from? yeah, the answer is dat dere would never be. hey, homosexuality is sumthing of the bible too you noe, man, why do people only choose bits and parts of the bible to read. yeah, one of da laws of lyphe, people only hear what they wanna hear, and guess what? dat's sooo true!!! unless you are willing to listening to what others have to say, you won't listen and won't care. hehehe=>:D:P

i can tell you one thing, and that is, i don't listen well. i just can't help it. but oh wellz. i can tell you that i miss him alot. and dat him noes who he is, but he's never done n e thing wrong to meh, i'm just bitter that he left meh in the cold, unknowing that it wuz coming, unknowing and throwing myself all into sumthing that i had no clue wuz gonna break n e moment....

time and time again, i still say that guys still have da better part of lyphe. hahaha=>:D:P i may be wrong, but i don't think dat i am wrong at dis present moment.....

skool's becoming hecktic again. arg! annoying piece of crap, but oh wellz, at least it gives meh a balanced way to have a scheduled lyphe. yeah, i'm one of dose people dat well, hate to go with the flow, is rebellious, but needs dat kinda discipline in lyphe. yeah. u may say dat a schedule ain't like n e thing special. but really, to meh, it is more den just what it seems to be.

i procrastinate in doing my hmwk till six, and at six i'll start doing my english. afta my english, i'll like study chem. afta dat.....i either take a shower or watch sum tv. so derefore, i don't do much hmwk to begin with. it's not six yet....i'll start soon. i'm feeling kinda crappy, in da sense dat i'm getting sick again. hahaha=>:d oh wellz. u enjoy da rest of ur day. when i have more thoughts, dun wollie. i'll say em eitha way. hahaha=>:D:P

u wanna become a child again. thinking about what u used to have. hahaha=>:d was da past so easy? i don't know. da past was neva too easy for meh, but den again, i've aged beyond my years and never really had much lyphe as a child. yet at the same time, i don't have much of a lyphe at this present moment. hm....well whateva. hm. i'm tired. i'm sick....gotsta do hmw....l8a...