i know this is a love song sung to like some dude or dudette.....but these lines are always in my head when i'm upset.....

"The trouble with love is, it can tear you up inside. Make your heart believe a lie. It's stronger than your pride. The trouble with love is, it doesn't care how fast you fall, and you can't refuse the call. See, you got no say at all"

and in a sense....this is always my dilema......

"Everyone's problem is love."

i feel kinda better. hm.....

i feel more at ease with myself now......crying....but at least feeling better.....args.....why do i have emotional break downs sooo often? args.....i need to go to angermanagement classes and egh.......stress management classes.....

why do i feel sooo lonely knowing that i still have friends? why??? why is this constant feeling of being lonely nag at me? why do i always feel this way when i'm upset.....

why is it that i'm sooo emotional now days??? sighs sighs? why does the smallest things tick me off sooo easily? why? sighs.....

see......most of my life....i have lived this way. i have no respect for those that have no repect for me. i love those that don't even love me. what the hell? args args.....

blah........gotsta get outta dis mind frame....gotsta think happy. oh wellz......slowly feeling better.....i just need something to drink......

fucking hell....bad mood.....rude people make me hate the world. args args.

man....i'm in a fuking bad mood now....i really hope that this feeling doesn't . fuck.....i just felt happier than many days before and now i'm pissed off. what the hell is wrong with this shit? fuck....am i made not to be happy or sumthing? why in the world am i always sooo fucking moody???? WHY WHY WHY?!?!?! why have i become like a moody bitch that has different emotions every second of the day? args.....stupid CJ.

talking to jean didn't make me feel all that better. fuck her too. no one cares how i feel. no one does.....well......there are two that really care....and that's about it. fuck the world......fuck this shit! FUCK!!!!!

cause your giving me a world of pain.......making it tuff......

blah......

sen to chihiro no kamikakushi.....

blah......

totoro......

blah.....

mr. happy monkey.....

blah.....

"looks like your sucking a cock"......

blah.....

*DJ, ugh, DJ, ugh*

blah.....

man....sooo random......but altogether sooo funny.....from a long time ago.....to the very recent present....or at lesat the very recent past....yesterday...keke^^

well i'm planning to go the gym right when it opens....the the problem is how am i going to get bak??? hm.....that's a question to ponder....hm....my sister goes swimming at like 11 everyday....so maybe i could tell her to give me a ride there at 10:30 and then come and pick me up after she's done at like egh....1? hm.....3 hours....everyday???? meh......

tired and sore....oh wellz....hope to have fun....keke^^

sighs sighs.....stupid sit ups...args.....val.....i'm gonna kill you.......my tummy hurts!!!! and it hurts to digest!!!! grrrrr......stupid me and being outta shape....oh wellz....meh....hoping to go to the gym tonight....but maybe not...i have no idea....blah......

hm....fricken aye.....have the biggest friken headache in the world. i think it's getting worst and it's becoming a migraine... just a whole hell of a fucking piece of shiet. args args. maybe it's cause i'm hungry? hm......well let's just see....it's a holiday on monday.....so i'll prolly go to the gym sunday tuesday, wednesday, thursday and maybe friday morn. i think i'll go every morning when it opens. yeah. i think i'll like that. just when i wake up i go right to the gym. i think i'll feel great for the rest of the day. and then when val asks me to go with her in the afternoon round fourish or so.....i'll go with her....so basically i'm over working myself. blah......at least i enjoy myself. keke^^ yupz yupz. i'm allowing myself 24 hours until the next time i go to gym. whakc.

well i have no clue.......i've been reading like all day sooo far....and my head hurts really really badly. args.....i woke up at 4.....didn't sleep till 6 again.....and then i couldn't sleep so i woke up at like egh....7. sighs sighs. maybe it's due to my inconsistant sleep that i have headaches that hurt really really bad. sighs sighs. is there something wrong with me? why at my age i get insomnia like symptoms???? well insomnia is like a problem with sleeping....it doesn't really have many other symptoms...meh....

half the world i know is still sleeping at this time. and i completely mean it literallyy. yeah.......brian has like met most of my friends.....i don't have many i suppose. i mean i have a lot....but there are only an exceptionally few of them that i would talkie to....keke^^ meh. i have no idea....

sad really that brian has already met most of my friends....blah....