sighs sighs. came home from hanging with friends. i don't know, the chilling with friends thing isn't everyone's thing. sighs. being in the company of friends makes me sad. like some poeple say, maybe it's just certain people that i'm with. i mean, the people i hung out with tonight, well, it made me sad. i mean, is it because i live my life soo differently? sighs sighs. it's as if they didn't even notice that i was becoming sad. sighs sighs. it's as if i'm not made to be in the commpany of people. i'm not fun. sighs sighs. i'm very sober and maybe it's just the way i feel. sighs, feelings don't last all the time...sighs....i'll call this depression i suppose. everyone thinks i'm a fool. i get too attached....sighs sighs. maybe it's not even that. why am i feeling so...so....i don't even know what this feeling is. sighs sighs. one moment i'm totally happy, and the next moment, i'm nhappy and crying on the inside. what the hell. yes....snow....how happy am i. sighs sighs. i'm crying now. i haven't felt sooo hollow in a very long time....sighs sighs. hollow....is that the word i'm looking for? i mean, i'm Christian, and i know that GOD is the center of my life, but why do i feel soo upset? sighs. i shouldn't mind when people talk about things i don't wanna hear, but why do i care? args, this is very evil. i mean, why am i even upset? it's not like people don't care. sighs sighs. maybe all i need is rest. sighs sighs. i don't know. at the end of a long day, i just wanna go to bed and shed my tears. but my tears aren't coming now. sighs sighs. i just want a big big hug and wish that all this was gone. maybe that's why i'm feeling crummy. maybe i'm just made to stay home and only hear the voices that i long to hear. sighs. why do i feel so...so....i don't know. can someone just give meh a shoulder and let me weep? sighs sighs. i'll sleep soon, sighs sighs. i'm going. no one bothers to read this, and maybe they shouldn't....they'll be surprised that i'm not that happy happy person. sighs sighs. don't tell me anything, i don't want to know. knowledge is the first step to fear. and i am extremely fearing all i know now. and i'm hurt because of what i know and hear. sighs sighs. make me deaf, blind, mute, but happy. sighs sighs.