songs

well...i was listening to a few chinese songs....but i'm tooo lazy to find the lyrics for them now. i'll just tell you the parts that utterly touched me tonight.

i treat you well, you treat me well. i like you, and in that way, your actions reflect that you like me too. and then you distance yourself, so what is that supposed to mean? you thought i was happy the way i was, but that was the time when i felt the most miserable. i smiled to keep you happy. i feel hollow on the inside. it seems that all i am to you is a free ride in this world. you only needed me to further the place you were currently in. i thought you were different. i thought the outcome would be different. i guess i was wrong. like so many times in life, i was so utterly wrong in this. how do you think i can still look at you and smile? how do i even find the strength to be decent to you. i question myself why i allowed my emotions to take a hold of me. no answer forms in my head. i so often question myself why, but each and every time, i cannot answer the questions i ask. i wish this feeling wasn't just a game to you. this hurts really bad. you played my emotions. i got you somewhere in life where you didn't even bother to say thank you for. you are ungrateful. i am hurt, but you don't even know. i smile even though i am hurt. i will still be grateful. i will forgive, but forgetting is another matter. i was loved, i loved, and will always love. always and forever a part of my hurt will be with you. just remember, you
meant something to me even if i meant nothing to you.

muhahaha....well that's it... hahaha...well it's not just from one song....i suppose it's selective hearing to the parts of songs you want to hear....but yeah....from a few songs actually...tooo lazy to post like all 4 of em....but haha, it just kinda flowed...muhahaha. but n e whoos....leaving now...

thanx...

well... i am truly grateful that i've gotten to know some people better these days. but....as people have told me....i have allowed thoughts of "him" to manifest my every thought and every action consciously or unconsciously. so....in a way....i must put "him" away and concentrate on the tasks at hand.

i am a friend, and i shall always be a friend....so in a way, i'm better than the dirt you walk on. so i'm pleased.

i say i am satisfied, but am i really? i shall not allow myself to have my thoughts roam like this. i will not. it was great to think of things that may could have been, but they just aren't going to happen. i am rushing myself....i will not rush. i should not and therefore, will not.

i'm tooo serious when it comes to things like this...so because i get hurt easily, i build up a fortress on weak foundation, but a fortress none the less.

i will smile at today for i do not know if i will have a tomorrow. i will smile at today knowing that i have left an impression in some people's hearts. i will smile at today because i know, i am vile, but not truly vile. i will smile at today because that is the legacy i would love to leave.

oh yes....dying tomorrow...stupid braces=.=