sanity and insanity. what is the difference? sighs sighs. i am confused.

hm...maturity and immaturity. hm. some people say i'm young, and some people say i'm old. args. some people say that i look one way and others say i look another. args args. it's weird. people say i talk like i'm 20 year old. hm....do i? is it because i have too many philosophies? hm. whack. so darnded whacked. sighs sighs.

i don't want to fall into this trap. i want to be happy. i don't want to think to muchie. but as stress builds up, i become more and more in pain with all of it. sighs sighs. one day i'll be gone and i will be missed, even for a short while, it's not worth it. i'm sleeping now...l8a l8a

i suppose it's that constant fear that i have of never having anyfriends. maybe it's that fear that i have seen one too many times manifest itself in my life. sighs sighs. i mean, there are really few white people that i talk to and trust with my whole heart. i mean, those that i hang out with now that are white, i rarely ever tell them anything. maybe it's because they are those type of people that only listen because they want to tell you seomthing. you can say that i'm rascist. it's not that i don't want to trust people of different skin colour, i know colour is just a tint. sighs sighs it's because well, you see, all my life, even as a little child, no white person would come up to willingly. and now, i have become distant to the place that i live now.

yeah yeah, it's for certain that i shall be moving now. i am moving into brampton. yeah, but it doesn't matter to any of you because well, i will be graduating anyways. and plus if my friendship is all that tyte with my friends, i will have my friends still.

but am i that type of person? will i be that type of clingy person that when i have new things that i would throw away the old? i mean, i know i do that to clothes sometimes. hm, but i don't go clothes shopping anymore.

hm, going to pacific mall saturday night. i'm soo happy!!! keke. i mean, i'll be totally white in an asian place. sighs sighs, why don't i fit in anywhere? sigh sighs. i'm too asian in a white town, and too white in an asian place. sighs sighs. it's not fair. sighs sighs.

going downtown like next wednesday...wait...next next wednesday. so yeah. my daddy doesn't want me to go out, but my mommy has no objections.

i know both my prents really love me, but why does my mommy not object? i mean, i told her and she didn't ask with whom i'm going with. what the? she once told me that she knows that if i don't go out when i make plans to go out, she knows that i'll be depressed for like a really long while. but my mommy also knows that those that i hang out with are those that she can trust. she knows that i won't do something stupid. she knows that if i were feeling awkward in a situation, i would do sumthing. keke^^ it's funny how my mommy noes me soo well.

but why does my mom know i'll go into depression? hm....am i chronically ill? sighs sighs.

it's amazing how things can change. i don't know. jordan asked me if i liked n e one tonight. keke. is it that obvious?!?!? i mean, do i even like him anymore? it's so very confusing about all of this. i don't understand. hm.

yeah, that fries thing really pissed me off really bad. or was it because i was already pissed off? hm. well i don't know. i can't believe i was soo stupid and starting cussing. args, i should never do that again. args args. i must control my anger. args. what happens if i have children and i spased like that? args args.....that's not goo is it?

hm, i haven't spent anytime with anyone lately. hm. i've fallen head over heals for a jerk, and i will heal again yet again. hm. let's see, my former best friends have become nothin more thatn acquaintances. and then there are those that i find that are my enemies. in my life time, i only have one. args. and i don't want to hate him, but everytime i look at him, hear him talk to me, or see someone like him, all i can see is the hate. i want to slap him across the face.

i want to ask over and over again, why am i hated by you? what did i do wrong? why are you so prideful? and i want o say, you were never my friend if you don't understand me now. sighs sighs. it's sad to admit the truth, someone that taught me to grow so much has left me knowing nothing and questioning all of me. how can someone that is so full of hate teach someone like me to love?

hm, common misconception, everyone thinks i'm nice because i want friends. people think i'm nice because they think i want something from them. this can be seen through being on the chat room of aa. yeah, i'm an aa freak, but at this present moment, my pagie is totally blankie ar. sighs sighs.

i'm confused and in need of questioning why people think i'm nice because i want friends. i mean, i have always been the loner in the corner. and i always feel like no one loves me, but i know it's not true. sighs sighs.

diu ley loe mo ar!!! sai yun puk gai!!!! diu ley loe mo ar!!! sai yun puk gai!!!! diu ley loe mo ar!!! sai yun puk gai!!!! diu ley loe mo ar!!! sai yun puk gai!!!! diu ley loe mo ar!!! sai yun puk gai!!!! diu ley loe mo ar!!! sai yun puk gai!!!! diu ley loe mo ar!!! sai yun puk gai!!!! diu ley loe mo ar!!! sai yun puk gai!!!! diu ley loe mo ar!!! sai yun puk gai!!!! diu ley loe mo ar!!! sai yun puk gai!!!! diu ley loe mo ar!!! sai yun puk gai!!!! diu ley loe mo ar!!! sai yun puk gai!!!! diu ley loe mo ar!!! sai yun puk gai!!!! diu ley loe mo ar!!! sai yun puk gai!!!! diu ley loe mo ar!!! sai yun puk gai!!!! diu ley loe mo ar!!! sai yun puk gai!!!! diu ley loe mo ar!!! sai yun puk gai!!!! diu ley loe mo ar!!! sai yun puk gai!!!! diu ley loe mo ar!!! sai yun puk gai!!!!

puk ley gor wun guct dgai.....args....

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