is this an anxiety attack? or is sumone litterally driving pins through my heart?!?!? arg!!!

i can't stop crying, and these tears aren't the ones that i shed through tears from the eyes, my tears are simply causing meh to shake. i don't know. all of a sudden, i've fallen on my bum bum again, and i really can't help but have the feeling that i really miss you people. i have this forboding feeling that something majorly wrong is happening around in the world. this i know is true, the world is in constant chaos, but it's sumthing more than the worldly chaos, it's this really bad feeling. i can't help it, but my body is shaking now, and my body won't stop shaking. am i worrying to much? am i stressing to much? am i missing too much? can't stop crying, can't stop shaking, can you tell meh that everything's gonna be alrights even though u noe it's a lie? can you tell meh that i'll be alright, even though i know i'm not gonna be alright. can you tell meh that it's just a fear? can't take this......my head, i'm shaking inside, i feel like i'm shrinking, i feel like my head is being knocked from side to side. my heart beat is too fast. breathing pattern uneven now. having another anxiety attack. it hurts. it hurts!!! i'm worrying too much ain't i?!? maybe i just need rest from all this. but please,can you tell meh it's alrights? yeah, maybe living a lie can be better to avoid sumthing, but u can't avoid something forever. u know u can't avoid it. u can walk on a different path, but you know what u are avoiding may always come bak. stop this!!! i can't take it....and i can't breathe prperly. i'm worrying too much ain't i? arg!!!!

to all my other friends, i know u have ur own set of problems. i know that ur past will or may not come bak to haunt you, but if it does, i can't help that, but say that i'll try to listen as much as possible. yeah, not all my friends are christian, i am, but not a great one, but still i will try. i'm a hypocrite, everyone is, and don't u lie to meh saying u ain't because u know u have enuff to hide that you could bury urself. maybe exaggerated, but u get the image. to all ur problems and burdens, i'll say dis, GOD TOOK UR SEAT. HE TOOK UR PLACE SO YOU COULD BE FREE. GOD IS ALWAYS THERE WHERE NO MAN CAN UNDERSTAND.

GOD LOVES YOU!!! GOD LOVES YOU!!! MAY GOD BLESS YOU!!!

pat, i know ur stressed out now. and i kinda got bitchy because i noticed dat stress. but as all the people around meh have been like becoming distant, and i notice that everyone has thier own set of problems. and what i say to brian, i say to you, i miss you too. i cherish who you are, and i may or may not agree with you all the time, but i still will miss you. sighs sighs. i see you every week at least once, or at least every other week, but it's not enuff. as the days become shorter, and u have more time to reflect and sit and think about everything in ur lyphe....i notice i'm just sitting in front of the computer waiting for people to talk to meh. yeah, ur busy too. ur stressed. u have ur own problems too, but whateva the problems may be, GOD IS ALWAYS THERE.

brian!!!! i'm going insane. i don't know why. but eversince i wuz beginning to like go press ur name on aa, i had dis feeling dat something wuz wrong, as if you just ain't feeling great or sumthing.. what made meh feel worst wuz when, i clicked, and ur pagie, wuz instantly all blank, and i just started to cry. i don't even know if you bother to read my thoughts n e more, i don't care if you read it or not. i know at the time, ur upset, ur frustrated, and you don't wanna talk. i just can't help it. dese tears ain't stopping for some reason. maybe it's because lately i've been under stress with skool and leadership classie, but i really don't know. all i know is dat when i went to ur pagie, and it wuz all blank, it wuz like a part of me wuz ripped out again. yeah, we've lost contact, but in a sense, we haven't and yet only become close. i want you to read this, but it doesn't matter if you don';t. i don't need to know what is exactly going wrong, all i know is dat right now, i don't care wuz bugging you, and that you are bugged, and dis is already making meh cry tears enuff to hurt. i mean, my tears are not flowing like i river through my eyes, but they are more like tears in my heart. as i say i miss you, now that you are annoyed, unhappy, unpleasant, or in a state which is uncomfortable, i miss you even more. maybe it's for all the times that you've been there for meh, but maybe it's just the sense becauase there's really a part of meh that i feel ripped out. maybe it's just because i cherish the way you are soo much dat i don't need you to tell meh what's wrong. i'm being repetitive now, but i can't help it. i can't stress enuff how important i think all my friends are. and none more important as you, because outta all my friends, u never just left meh there, u still helped meh get bak on my feet. now that i'm bak on my feet, i'm not returning the fave, i simple just wanna be by ur side through thick and the thin, i just wanna be there as i try to be there for everyone. i'm shaking now, i don't know why, i'm cold, yes, but it's a chill from the inside out. I MISS YOU MORE THAN EVER!!!!!

sooo tired.....miss ya.....sighs sighs...
jenny......bum......i don't like him.....u are sooo evil.........and i don't think i wanna like him...well, it's not like he likes meh....and u say i look cute with everyone.....muhahah. yeah val, i haven't gone out with a white person yet. muhaha. i'm not racist or n e thing, just most guys don't like meh unless dey get to know meh, and people don't really like da "fobbiness" of meh. so yeah....dey prolly feel uncomfortable....whateva....
guess what??? it'll be a year if we were still together this sunday. sighs sighs. miss peoples sooo muchie.....sighs sighs