most people my age in highschool just don't view romance the same as i do.
is it lust? is it love? is it passion?
the truth will eventually surface. but will you reveal it before it bursts in the worst way possible?
must love always hurt? must love always cause pain? is love pain?
it's weird i suppose. maybe i'm just to committed to finding the "perfect" person for me. and in the end, because my heart is genuine to this thought and notion, when i am in love, the end for me is only heartbreak because others don't see it the same as i do. sad aye? muhahah. i wonder if others feel the same.
well here's how my heart works.....what the heart finds happiness and satisfaction in is not always logical. the brain can do alot, but there is much that your brain just can't do.
but as i've said...love is a choice...it's a choice based on a feeling. choices always come with consequences, whether they are positive or negative. it's alrights....if you make a choice...you must always be able to carry the consequences. by not being able to accept the results of your choice, it shows immaturity for later processes in life.
maybe i should keep these thoughts to myself. hm. nah...what's the fun of having a blog where you can't even post what you want? i mean, yes, i'm filling the internet with a whole lot of trash....and i'm sorry, but i just can't stop....because it eases my stress.....XPXPX
gotsta go....
XOXOXO
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.
Tuesday, March 22, 2005
on happier matters
oh yes oh yes....
happier matters.
well let's start with waking up. today, i woke up happily. fixed my bed, made my own lunch, boiled two kettle's of water. picked up matt to go to school. as usual, he needed me to wait...if he wants me to pick him up at 8...he can just take the bus....seriously....because there starts to get alot of cars after 8. and i hate that.
but n e ways...
first period= food and nutrition...bs class as usual. don't even remember what we did
second period= english. thought all period. stared off in space most of the time.
third period= lunch...went out with ben and matt to swiss chalet...holy crappers....55.49....muhahaha...but they had a good time...so it's all good. hahaha.it was from the convo in this period that has gotten me a little down. but at the present moment, i truly still don't know what's wrong with me. probably hormones=.= X'(
fourth period= completely late for next period class. muhahaha. mr. rennie could have given me a 0. but i'm not normally late...and something compelled him to be nice to me. after that...everything went down hill from there.
at 2:30ish...i was home....the boys were supposed to come over....i waited...i played a half hour of flute...since ben said he hadda pick up something...so okie...i thought 30 mins is alright to wait...then 45 mins comes....they don't show...no phone call....started to get peeved...but whatever.....tried to stay calm....so i put on the movie, "the madallion" on hoping that they will cut me short from finishing the movie. but...the movie ended...my daddy cooked din din. and not a trace of human exsistance...they didn't call...they didn't message....nothing....and when i got online.....ben said he was coming....at this time...it was 5 sumthing...really close to 6.....i was sooo pissed off......luckily, my daddy was home...if he wasn't....i would have yelled at them when they came in at the door. but what kept going on in my head was....in my anger, do not sin, in my anger do not sin. this is a bible scripture that i have learnt as a child. and what i do with this is i repeat as many times in my head till i get fed up with the scripture...and then i start counting and then praying. it calms me down alot....
they stayed till about 7ish...even though my daddy wasn't willing to cook for them, i was willing to cook for them, but none of them wanted to eat my cooking. so.....didn't end up cooking n e thing in the end. hahaha.
soo...all in a day's work.....was truly happy...then by mid day...my climax (no, don't think in horny terms, think in terms of how a book has the highest plotline here)then late afternoon.....it became low point.....then by 8ish....the lowest point...and now....after talking to tons of people....everything is starting to be alrights....
happier matters.
well let's start with waking up. today, i woke up happily. fixed my bed, made my own lunch, boiled two kettle's of water. picked up matt to go to school. as usual, he needed me to wait...if he wants me to pick him up at 8...he can just take the bus....seriously....because there starts to get alot of cars after 8. and i hate that.
but n e ways...
first period= food and nutrition...bs class as usual. don't even remember what we did
second period= english. thought all period. stared off in space most of the time.
third period= lunch...went out with ben and matt to swiss chalet...holy crappers....55.49....muhahaha...but they had a good time...so it's all good. hahaha.it was from the convo in this period that has gotten me a little down. but at the present moment, i truly still don't know what's wrong with me. probably hormones=.= X'(
fourth period= completely late for next period class. muhahaha. mr. rennie could have given me a 0. but i'm not normally late...and something compelled him to be nice to me. after that...everything went down hill from there.
at 2:30ish...i was home....the boys were supposed to come over....i waited...i played a half hour of flute...since ben said he hadda pick up something...so okie...i thought 30 mins is alright to wait...then 45 mins comes....they don't show...no phone call....started to get peeved...but whatever.....tried to stay calm....so i put on the movie, "the madallion" on hoping that they will cut me short from finishing the movie. but...the movie ended...my daddy cooked din din. and not a trace of human exsistance...they didn't call...they didn't message....nothing....and when i got online.....ben said he was coming....at this time...it was 5 sumthing...really close to 6.....i was sooo pissed off......luckily, my daddy was home...if he wasn't....i would have yelled at them when they came in at the door. but what kept going on in my head was....in my anger, do not sin, in my anger do not sin. this is a bible scripture that i have learnt as a child. and what i do with this is i repeat as many times in my head till i get fed up with the scripture...and then i start counting and then praying. it calms me down alot....
they stayed till about 7ish...even though my daddy wasn't willing to cook for them, i was willing to cook for them, but none of them wanted to eat my cooking. so.....didn't end up cooking n e thing in the end. hahaha.
soo...all in a day's work.....was truly happy...then by mid day...my climax (no, don't think in horny terms, think in terms of how a book has the highest plotline here)then late afternoon.....it became low point.....then by 8ish....the lowest point...and now....after talking to tons of people....everything is starting to be alrights....
i don't know why
yeah....for some reason...i really feel like crap....i don't feel sooo great...i just wanna go up to my room and fall asleep and not think about n e of this...sighs sighs....
maybe the realization has hit me that nothing is ever gonna happen. hahah. it's all good....i'll be fine. yupz yupz. very tired....how fun aye?
well all i smell is my hair....
yeah...after taking a shower...i'm trying to cover my eyes...wonder if that look will succeed....hm.....well i've done it before...so this time it'll work again...sighs...sooo sad.....
very very sad:'(
hope i won't start crying even though right now i really feel like crying...
maybe the realization has hit me that nothing is ever gonna happen. hahah. it's all good....i'll be fine. yupz yupz. very tired....how fun aye?
well all i smell is my hair....
yeah...after taking a shower...i'm trying to cover my eyes...wonder if that look will succeed....hm.....well i've done it before...so this time it'll work again...sighs...sooo sad.....
very very sad:'(
hope i won't start crying even though right now i really feel like crying...
on a happier note!!!
yeah yeha!!!1 guess which two people came back from europe!!!! just take a guess!!! 2 buddies of mine...yayay!!!! *HUGGIE WUGGIE* EVERYONE!!!! kekek^^:D:P
RAYCHEEE AND VALAWEEE ARE BOTH BACK!!!!!!*HUGGIE WUGGIE*
sorry guys...can't call you tonight....=.= why? because 2 stupid ass holes came late and when they leave, i still have my own hmwk....stupid jerks....
i let them run my life....me sitting and waiting for them...args....fucking pissed off...
but....*HUGGIE WUGGIE TO MY VALAWEEE AND RAYCHEEEE*
*HUGS*
RAYCHEEE AND VALAWEEE ARE BOTH BACK!!!!!!*HUGGIE WUGGIE*
sorry guys...can't call you tonight....=.= why? because 2 stupid ass holes came late and when they leave, i still have my own hmwk....stupid jerks....
i let them run my life....me sitting and waiting for them...args....fucking pissed off...
but....*HUGGIE WUGGIE TO MY VALAWEEE AND RAYCHEEEE*
*HUGS*
sooo pissed off
fucking jerk ass holes and a half. don't freaking make plans with me and then bail on me like that. what the fucking hell. they come to my house 2 hours tooo late. what the fucking hell....args...
sorry...gotsta watch the language.....args.....
in your anger, do not sin.....in your anger do not sin....in your anger do not sin.....
okie....i'm calming down...everything's gonna be a-o-k....
they better not do this again...or next time....it's gonna be more than yelling....i'll kick their asses out of my house and never invite them back in.....
args....
sorry...gotsta watch the language.....args.....
in your anger, do not sin.....in your anger do not sin....in your anger do not sin.....
okie....i'm calming down...everything's gonna be a-o-k....
they better not do this again...or next time....it's gonna be more than yelling....i'll kick their asses out of my house and never invite them back in.....
args....
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