seriously........i honestly just don't try to be a christian n e more.....

i always feel empty and guilty all the time.  no matter how i pray about these feeligns.....it just don't go away.....

but if someone pointed a gun at my head asking if i were a christian or not.......i would still answer yes.....becau?????????could die for me.....i owe it to him to DIE???????

sighs....haven't posted for sooo long....man....if blogger was a person....i could literally run up give it a big big hug and kiss it!!!!

sighs sighs.......

ken won't read my blog.  but if he ever had the chance to or at least someone would read it....i hope that they will tell him that i am truely sorry for making yesterday miserable.  i really wanted things to go well.  just that....well i'm tooo jealous of everyone.  because everyone treats me like shit once in a while.....and i really don't think to remember all the good things people have done for me.  it's not that i try to be ungrateful....sometimes......i just don't think......or i think just tooo muchie....i'm sorry....

i really didn't mean to be upset yesterday......i just was....i'm sollie.....