sorry, my mistake!!!

sighs sighs. i'm sooo sorry. sighs sighs.

i'll be safe.....i'm in oakville! keke^^:D:P one advantage of living further away from people. actually i'm quite close, but to certain stupid people, they think i'm far. but those people haven't really ever driven to my house before. sighs sighs. args args...

When Will This End?!?!?

sighs sighs, i once thought that being stupid was just a phase. but obviously i have been proven wrong because well, cause i'm wrong. sighs sighs. it's not a stage in life unless you move on. but this phase is not going to ever leave. their stupid cruel acts are here to stay! sighs sighs. i was wrong! sighs sighs. i want this crap to leave!!!! why was i sooo blind?!?!? args args!!! sighs sighs....i'm sucha dim witt. args args. why was i sooo blind?!?!?

args args. val, you know what? this stuff will never work out. mr. wei wei foxy.....will only be a stuffed animal...nothing more, nothing less. keke^^:D:P

well i'll go back to my knitting and just try to forget about all this stuff that is going to happen.

PRAY FOR THE SAFETY OF MY FRIENDS, MY LOVED ONES AND FAMILY!

this Morn

sighs sighs. when i woke up today at around like 8ish i found that my pillow was oddly wet. sighs sighs. why do i cry so muchie?!?! sighs sighs. what is it that is making me upset? blah. oh wellz....school is coming la. so i should be happy that i'll be getting away from it.

what is it that i should be afraid of? i don't get it.....they have never come after me. he has not done n e thing to deserve the way people are treating him. blah. if they honestly cares about her, then they wouldn't be doing what they are doing now. all they care about is themselves. they are greedy selfish pigs. blah. they have no respect for anyone. they have no respect not even for themselves. blah. filthy pigs! they appear to look innocent and untouched. but yet they are just white washed tombs. yeah. you are clean and nice on the outside, but filthy and filled with rotten shit on the inside. blah. your judgement isn't here. it isn't. blah.

sighs sighs.....a gang?!?!? A GANG?!?!? an ASIAN GANG?!?!? what the hell?!?!? sighs sighs. but i don't think i need protection yet. i'm still just everyone' best friend. it's sad, but it's kinda a happy thing. i've been kind to everyone so in return they feel guilty for doing shit to me. halfly cause they know i don't shut up....especially if i'm hurt or injured......in order for me to shut up, you'd haveta kill me. plus.....i tell almost everyone of my friends everything about me. that is if they ask. but if it were really bugging me....i'd like call em just to talk to me. like i do with val all the time. man, i love that gurl! i mean, i wake her up early as normal because i always wake up early, she wants to sleep some more, and i purposely wake her up. i talk to her about my shit. keke^^:D:P love that girl! keke^^:D:P

yupz yupz. well me gotsta go now. keke^^:D:P

knitting?

sighs sighs. as usual, i'm siting here keke^^:D:P yupz yupz. i know i know.....well i have a big long christmas list this year....so i better start early. args. let alone i haveta buy my own md.....and i haveta by yarn for all the scarves that i plan to make this year. args args. it's the not money that i haveta spend that worries me....it's all the stuff i haveta do. i mean....args.....there are 4 people that i said i would make a scarf for. so yeah....and i know that they would really think it's amazing cause well......it's a promise i made. args. now.....if only i can choose the right colours for everyone.

well jean and ann won't be getting a scarf this year...keke^^:D:P i hope joy enjoys hers.....i really hope bessie likes hers. keke^^:D:P i've only seen her use it once.....and it was cause i asked her too. keke^^:D:P

yeah....making one right now, but it's only cause my mommy asked me to make it for some one's mommy. so yeah. hm.

i don't think guys are really into that kinda stuff. luckily, i don't have many guy friends that mind me not giving gifts to them. keke^^:D:P they'd rather have me alive and well and be satisfied when i go out with them. keke^^:D:P yupz yupz. my friends are great!!! yupz yupz.

well half the people i'm making scarves for....i don't even know when the next time i'll see them will be. meh. well i know val doesn't use one.....but i'll end up making her mommy one...

so let's see my list this year.....see, i can't list the people, or it just won't be a surprise....so yeah. keke^^:D:P yupz yupz.

The Trouble With Love Is

wow....

got asked out by some white kid that's a year younger than me. keke^^:D:P it's soooo hard to say no....and i know i must though... args.....sooo hard....

oh wellz....i still think it's a joke. i don't even know if the kid's joking or not. but i know the kid is just desparate. so yeah. args....what the hell have i gotten myself into?!?! fuck! args args!!!

he sets the day....i set the place?!?!? how dry is that.....this is sooo not going to pull through. i'm just making it harder for myself to reject this kid. aiya!!! oi gao chut mut yea ar?!?!? sai lor!!! oh wellz. keke^^:D:P

oh wellz...keke^^:d:P it's my fault entirely. i should have just rejected on the spot, but i felt it was way too mean to do that. so i just said, i would love too.....but i've never met you....so i'll go out on a "friend" date......holy crap...

What's The Use?

if what i do is not right and i end up making others suffer more, why am i doing it? sighs sighs.

i no longer see certain people in the same light as i used to. but no matter how hard i try not to make them seem soooo innocent, i can't help it. i can't hate those that i onced loved. i just can't. i can be angry at them, i can be bitter, but i can't hate them. sighs sighs. it's sooo hard. but i don't want to hate these people as people may suggest me doing. sighs sighs.

sighs sighs.

what's the use because whatever i do just causes people to hate me more. if i take one step to protect, they drive further into more cruel acts. if i stay back, i watch in agony as i see everything happen to them.

what's the use??? i can't hide, and i can't run. i'm being attacked no matter what i do.

so yeah...guess what my choice is to do?!?!? i think all that know me well will think i'm odd. for now, i stay behind the scenes. but when the time is right and i cannot stand to be in the back.....i'll do whatever i think is right. sighs. till that time comes....i'm working behind the scenes. for now, i can only cry for the pain you feel or do not feel. for now, i can only be confused about the confusion you have. for now, i am just sabina.....no one to you.....but loved altogether. keke^^:D:P

stuck

sighs sighs. i'm stuck in a rut. i think i care too muchie. sighs sighs.

i treat everyone the same. as it seems...this is why people say they can't love me in "that" way. sighs sighs. a depression right before school starts...oh how greats. sighs sighs.

args....how is it possible that i am conflicted with the good side and the bad side?!?! how is that possible?!?!? how is it possible that i am conflicted with what is wrong and what is right? how is that possible? args......

what is right is not safe.....what is safe is not right. sighs sighs. i suppose this is why i am conflicted. but i have not been afraid of loosing my life nor of being unsafe. i am just plainly afraid for others. the pain of others. i don't like others hurting. but i can't stop the world from shedding tears. it's just not possible. i can't rid this world of every kind of evil sin. GOD didn't even send his son to STOP sinning people, he tried to give them a better path so that they may begin to sin less! sighs sighs.

sighs sighs. what has this world come to? i just odn't understand. how can the world become so chaotic in just a blink of an eye? or is it simply because i have never really wanted to see and therefore remained blind for like most of my life? sighs sighs.

why did i not see that everything was strategic?!?!? why didn't i see this early?!?! sighs sighs. why didn't i take the sign and prevented hurt?!?! why why?!?!?

funny convo.....dug myself into a hole....

at least the date isn't set!!! keke^^:D:P

[12:26:23 AM] magicl_metho: hey
[12:26:28 AM] MY WORLD HAS: hey hey
[12:26:39 AM] magicl_metho: wat up
[12:26:46 AM] MY WORLD HAS: nothing muchie
[12:26:49 AM] MY WORLD HAS: what's up with you ar?
[12:27:20 AM] magicl_metho: nothing at all
[12:27:47 AM] MY WORLD HAS: well alot
[12:28:03 AM] MY WORLD HAS: just that stuff has been happening right before school and all
[12:28:05 AM] MY WORLD HAS: added stress
[12:28:07 AM] MY WORLD HAS: sighs
[12:28:15 AM] magicl_metho: wat stuff
[12:28:48 AM] MY WORLD HAS: egh....stupid problems....between a few of my ex's and my good friends...
[12:28:56 AM] magicl_metho: ah
[12:29:10 AM] MY WORLD HAS: yeah
[12:29:11 AM] MY WORLD HAS: sighs sighs
[12:30:07 AM] rugby: lol
[12:30:13 AM] MY WORLD HAS: oh rugby?
[12:30:15 AM] MY WORLD HAS: you play?
[12:31:21 AM] rugby: u bet
[12:31:29 AM] MY WORLD HAS: which position?
[12:32:01 AM] rugby: winger
[12:32:03 AM] rugby: u play
[12:32:36 AM] MY WORLD HAS: nah...
[12:32:38 AM] MY WORLD HAS: i watch!
[12:32:40 AM] MY WORLD HAS: keke^^:D:P
[12:32:47 AM] MY WORLD HAS: my good friend is a hooker....
[12:32:52 AM] MY WORLD HAS: on the school team
[12:32:53 AM] MY WORLD HAS: keke^^:D:P
[12:32:59 AM] rugby: wat school
[12:33:16 AM] MY WORLD HAS: oakville trafalgar high school
[12:33:19 AM] MY WORLD HAS: the devils
[12:33:35 AM] rugby: oh
[12:33:40 AM] MY WORLD HAS: yupz yupz
[12:33:44 AM] rugby: u guys beat or girls team i think
[12:33:52 AM] MY WORLD HAS: what school do you play for
[12:33:59 AM] rugby: mentor
[12:34:07 AM] MY WORLD HAS: keke^^:D:P[
12:34:11 AM] MY WORLD HAS: mentor
[12:34:24 AM] MY WORLD HAS: that school always sounds sooo scarrrrry to me for some strange reason
[12:34:35 AM] MY WORLD HAS: yeah, our schools made it to ofssa....
[12:34:43 AM] MY WORLD HAS: but lost in the semi's....
[12:34:51 AM] rugby: that is good
[12:35:07 AM] MY WORLD HAS: yupz
[12:35:21 AM] MY WORLD HAS: i've never really seen your school play aye?
[12:35:54 AM] rugby: nobody watches the girls games
[12:36:01 AM] MY WORLD HAS: why not?
[12:36:08 AM] MY WORLD HAS: alot of guys come to cheer our team
[12:36:10 AM] MY WORLD HAS: keke^^:D:P
[12:36:15 AM] MY WORLD HAS: halfly cause their gf is on the team
[12:36:22 AM] MY WORLD HAS: and halfly cause people just come to check out our girls
[12:36:24 AM] MY WORLD HAS: keke^^:D:P
[12:36:25 AM] MY WORLD HAS: meh
[12:36:36 AM] rugby: rugby chicks are butch
[12:36:52 AM] MY WORLD HAS: not all
[12:37:03 AM] rugby: hell yeah
[12:37:13 AM] MY WORLD HAS: well on our team...
[12:37:20 AM] MY WORLD HAS: the captain this year was like super fit
[12:37:26 AM] MY WORLD HAS: but she wasn't butch la...
[12:37:37 AM] rugby: that is different
[12:37:40 AM] rugby: that is scary
[12:37:48 AM] MY WORLD HAS: most of our team is like blond...
[12:38:04 AM] MY WORLD HAS: so their body isn't and can't be like that
[12:38:10 AM] MY WORLD HAS: but they are all fit as hell and strong as ever
[12:38:20 AM] MY WORLD HAS: not the whole team...
[12:38:22 AM] MY WORLD HAS: just majority...
[12:38:29 AM] rugby: meh
[12:38:32 AM] MY WORLD HAS: but this coming team......they'll be massive...
[12:38:33 AM] MY WORLD HAS: meh..
[12:38:39 AM] MY WORLD HAS: just a generalization
[12:38:54 AM] rugby: yeah
[12:39:08 AM] rugby: all the chick that are on mentor's team are very scary
[12:39:30 AM] MY WORLD HAS: keke^^:D:P
[12:39:33 AM] MY WORLD HAS: maybe so
[12:39:37 AM] MY WORLD HAS: me never seen
[12:39:51 AM] rugby: lol
[12:39:56 AM] rugby: u dont want to
[12:40:32 AM] MY WORLD HAS: prolly not.....cause i'd just run the other way
[12:40:36 AM] MY WORLD HAS: cause i'm small and petit..
[12:40:37 AM] MY WORLD HAS: and weak
[12:40:45 AM] rugby: lol
[12:40:48 AM] rugby: i am small
[12:41:06 AM] MY WORLD HAS: but not weak
[12:41:09 AM] MY WORLD HAS: me= weak
[12:41:10 AM] MY WORLD HAS: keke^^:D:P
[12:46:46 AM] rugby: lol[12:46:52 AM] rugby: i so need a gf
[12:47:12 AM] MY WORLD HAS: why's that?
[12:47:21 AM] rugby: cause
[12:47:26 AM] MY WORLD HAS: keke^^:D:P
[12:47:30 AM] MY WORLD HAS: it's like saying i need a bf..
[12:47:32 AM] MY WORLD HAS: keke^^:D:P
[12:47:36 AM] MY WORLD HAS: keke^^:D:P
[12:47:41 AM] MY WORLD HAS: oh wellz...
[12:47:46 AM] MY WORLD HAS: you have your reasons...
[12:47:47 AM] MY WORLD HAS: keke^^:D:P
[12:47:50 AM] MY WORLD HAS: ;)
[12:47:53 AM] rugby: yeah
[12:48:02 AM] rugby: cuase i need some one to be close with
[12:48:13 AM] MY WORLD HAS: keke^^:D:P
[12:48:15 AM] MY WORLD HAS: i see i see
[12:48:18 AM] MY WORLD HAS: that's cute...
[12:48:22 AM] MY WORLD HAS: keke^^:D:P
[12:48:48 AM] rugby: yeah
[12:48:53 AM] MY WORLD HAS: yupz....sooo cute..
[12:48:55 AM] MY WORLD HAS: keke^^:D:P
[12:48:57 AM] MY WORLD HAS: yupz yupz...
[12:49:03 AM] MY WORLD HAS: whatcha planning to do today?
[12:49:12 AM] rugby: nothing at all
[12:49:22 AM] MY WORLD HAS: well i think you prolly need some sleep
[12:49:23 AM] MY WORLD HAS: keke^^:D:P
[12:49:25 AM] MY WORLD HAS: so yeah...
[12:49:28 AM] rugby: yeah
[12:49:31 AM] MY WORLD HAS: unless you a typing zombie
[12:49:33 AM] MY WORLD HAS: keke^^^:D:P
[12:49:36 AM] rugby: lol
[12:49:40 AM] MY WORLD HAS: yupz yupz
[12:49:52 AM] MY WORLD HAS: mentor....
[12:50:01 AM] MY WORLD HAS: so does that mean your going back to school on tuesday?
[12:50:09 AM] rugby: no i start wensday
[12:50:10 AM] MY WORLD HAS: or have you graduated
[12:50:14 AM] MY WORLD HAS: oh serious?
[12:50:19 AM] MY WORLD HAS: aw....one more extra day!
[12:50:43 AM] rugby: yeah
[12:50:46 AM] rugby: kicks ass
[12:51:37 AM] MY WORLD HAS: sooo lucky!
[12:51:38 AM] MY WORLD HAS: args!
[12:51:41 AM] rugby: lol
[12:51:45 AM] MY WORLD HAS: you can chill with friends one more day!
[12:51:46 AM] MY WORLD HAS: args..
[12:51:48 AM] MY WORLD HAS: sooo lucky!
[12:51:49 AM] MY WORLD HAS: sighs sighs
[12:52:03 AM] rugby: yeh
[12:53:16 AM] MY WORLD HAS: yupz yupz
[12:53:17 AM] MY WORLD HAS: keke^^:D:P
[12:53:21 AM] MY WORLD HAS: senior year?
[12:53:31 AM] rugby: nice
[12:53:47 AM] MY WORLD HAS: huh?
[12:53:51 AM] MY WORLD HAS: is it your senior year?
[12:54:08 AM] rugby: hell no
[12:54:43 AM] MY WORLD HAS: oh?
[12:54:54 AM] rugby: gr 11
[12:55:00 AM] MY WORLD HAS: keke^^:D:P
[12:55:02 AM] MY WORLD HAS: senior enough
[12:55:04 AM] MY WORLD HAS: keke^^:D:P
[12:55:06 AM] rugby: yeah
[12:55:21 AM] rugby: wat music do u listen to
[12:55:26 AM] MY WORLD HAS: egh.....
[12:55:33 AM] MY WORLD HAS: i don't know...
[12:55:40 AM] MY WORLD HAS: most except super hard core metal
[12:55:44 AM] MY WORLD HAS: and classical
[12:55:59 AM] MY WORLD HAS: but i do listen to classical when i'm like confused and upset
[12:56:23 AM] rugby: nice
[12:56:37 AM] MY WORLD HAS: yupz..
[12:56:41 AM] MY WORLD HAS: what type of music are you in to?
[12:57:02 AM] rugby: hardcore
[12:57:10 AM] MY WORLD HAS: i see
[12:57:12 AM] MY WORLD HAS: keke^^:D:P
[12:57:42 AM] MY WORLD HAS: keke^^:D:P
[12:57:48 AM] MY WORLD HAS: you have a funny occupation!
[12:57:52 AM] MY WORLD HAS: but it's the life of a student!
[12:57:56 AM] MY WORLD HAS: sleep, and student!
[12:57:58 AM] MY WORLD HAS: keke^^:D:P
[12:57:59 AM] MY WORLD HAS: i like that
[12:57:59 AM] rugby: lol
[12:58:04 AM] MY WORLD HAS: sorry....
[12:58:08 AM] MY WORLD HAS: that was a bit random i know
[12:58:09 AM] MY WORLD HAS: keke^^:D:P
[12:58:45 AM] MY WORLD HAS: well n e ways...
[12:58:50 AM] MY WORLD HAS: lil ol sabby here is getting tired la
[12:58:51 AM] MY WORLD HAS: okie?
[12:58:56 AM] rugby: u going
[12:58:57 AM] MY WORLD HAS: well i'll talkie to you l8a okie dokie?
[12:59:00 AM] MY WORLD HAS: yeah...
[12:59:01 AM] MY WORLD HAS: meh tired..
[12:59:08 AM] MY WORLD HAS: needa catch up on some like beauty sleep!
[12:59:09 AM] rugby: hold on a sec
[12:59:09 AM] MY WORLD HAS: keke^^:D:P
[12:59:12 AM] MY WORLD HAS: oh okie
[12:59:13 AM] MY WORLD HAS: holding
[12:59:29 AM] MY WORLD HAS: o
[12:59:31 AM] MY WORLD HAS: n
[12:59:32 AM] MY WORLD HAS: e
[12:59:34 AM] MY WORLD HAS: m
[12:59:35 AM] MY WORLD HAS: i
[12:59:36 AM] MY WORLD HAS: s
[12:59:37 AM] MY WORLD HAS: s
[12:59:38 AM] rugby: k
[12:59:42 AM] MY WORLD HAS: okie...
[12:59:44 AM] rugby: um
[12:59:53 AM] rugby: would u like to go out with me
[12:59:59 AM] MY WORLD HAS: whoa....
[01:00:28 AM] MY WORLD HAS: are you asking me as a joke?
[01:00:34 AM] rugby: no
[01:00:54 AM] MY WORLD HAS: wow...that was unexpected
[01:01:18 AM] MY WORLD HAS: egh....
[01:01:55 AM] MY WORLD HAS: hello?
[01:01:57 AM] MY WORLD HAS: are you still there?
[01:02:03 AM] rugby: yeah
[01:02:11 AM] MY WORLD HAS: well you see...
[01:02:14 AM] MY WORLD HAS: i haven't ever met you in person
[01:02:34 AM] MY WORLD HAS: and i don't know you besides being a "net friend"
[01:03:07 AM] rugby: and
[01:03:34 AM] MY WORLD HAS: i would love to say yes, but i haven't ever met you in person
[01:03:58 AM] MY WORLD HAS: i'll go out on a date.....a "friend" date....
[01:04:12 AM] rugby: okay
[01:04:34 AM] MY WORLD HAS: so yeah...
[01:05:13 AM] rugby: when would this be
[01:05:32 AM] MY WORLD HAS: egh...
[01:06:00 AM] MY WORLD HAS: i don't know
[01:06:24 AM] rugby: k
[01:06:27 AM] MY WORLD HAS: you set a day...
[01:06:29 AM] MY WORLD HAS: i set a place!
[01:06:32 AM] MY WORLD HAS: how's that sound?
[01:06:35 AM] rugby: good
[01:06:45 AM] MY WORLD HAS: okie
[01:07:03 AM] rugby: k
[01:07:25 AM] MY WORLD HAS: yupz yupz
[01:07:31 AM] MY WORLD HAS: well i still haveta go to sleep la...
[01:07:39 AM] MY WORLD HAS: can i go to sleep now?
[01:07:40 AM] MY WORLD HAS: :P
[01:07:49 AM] rugby: go for it
[01:08:10 AM] MY WORLD HAS: okie dokie...
[01:08:13 AM] rugby: by
[01:08:14 AM] MY WORLD HAS: good morning
[01:08:15 AM] MY WORLD HAS: :D:P
[01:08:18 AM] rugby: lol
[01:08:20 AM] MY WORLD HAS: sleep tight!
[01:08:25 AM] MY WORLD HAS: don't let the bed bugs bite!
[01:08:28 AM] MY WORLD HAS: sweet dreams!
[01:08:40 AM] rugby: lol
[01:08:41 AM] rugby: nite

I DUG MYSELF A PIT IN THE GROUND!!!! AND I THINK ITS GOING TO BE MY GRAVE!!!