I open my eyes
I try to see but I'm blinded by the white light
I can't remember how
I can't remember why
I'm lying here tonight
And I can't stand the pain
And I can't make it go away
No I can't stand the pain
Chorus:
How could this happen to me
I made my mistakes
Got no where to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me
Everybody's screaming
I try to make a sound but no one hears me
I'm slipping off the edge
I'm hanging by a thread
I wanna start this over again
So I try to hold onto a time when nothing mattered
And I can't explain what happened
And I can't erase the things that I've done
No I can't
How could this happen to me
I made my mistakes
Got no where to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me
I made my mistakes
Got no where to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.
Thursday, May 19, 2005
headache=.=
i should actually be studying....but i can't....args=.= my heart and my mind are too unfocused and unclear. sighs sighs.
i am feeling really sick. i think it's the rice and mushrooms i ate. i feel really really sick=.= ahhhhh=.= my head is splitting, the bright lights and loud sounds are hurting my head. ahhhh.....it hurts it hurts!!!! the last time i had such bad pains....was when i was watching x-men 2-.- ahhhhhhhh.......save me!!!! ahhh=.=
should be studying, but 2 houir csi....yeah i know...you call it a stupid corny show.....kiss my ass....XPXP ahhhhhhh my head!!!!! ah!!!!!
sighs sighs.....the more i think about it....the more i want to cry....sighs sighs.....
i am feeling really sick. i think it's the rice and mushrooms i ate. i feel really really sick=.= ahhhhh=.= my head is splitting, the bright lights and loud sounds are hurting my head. ahhhh.....it hurts it hurts!!!! the last time i had such bad pains....was when i was watching x-men 2-.- ahhhhhhhh.......save me!!!! ahhh=.=
should be studying, but 2 houir csi....yeah i know...you call it a stupid corny show.....kiss my ass....XPXP ahhhhhhh my head!!!!! ah!!!!!
sighs sighs.....the more i think about it....the more i want to cry....sighs sighs.....
Keys to MY HEART
The Keys to Your Heart |
You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free. |
In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored. |
You'd like your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change. |
You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please. |
Your ideal relationship is comforting. You crave a relationship where you always feel warmth and love. |
Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment. |
You think of marriage something you've always wanted... though you haven't really thought about it. |
In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted. |
holy crap....every single one of those points are sooo true....it's scary.....*shivers*
things that i thought i would never do
and so, some where inside me, this time, i think i can move on. yeah, i have accepted maybe i'm not the one. i have accepted that it's not the right time. i have accepted that my life will always still have all the maybes and what if questions. but, there is nothing i can do about it. i can only pray for GOD to provide me with the calmness of heart and the strength to persevere through all that i must go through. i must never give up on life. i must never give up on love. i must never give up till it is time for me to go. i must always persevere when the hurt feels like it is tooo great for me to bear.
maybe there were reasons to why i did meet him and have the feelings i had. maybe it wasn't more than to just be friends, but maybe it was. meh, the thing is, GOD's plan is my plan. i have prayed so that something could work. and maybe, the working things out may not be the way i intended it to work out, but......i can't hide my feelings. sighs....but i must restrain. i can't continue to send signs of affection, even though all the time i have i just want to spend with him and make him happy. but.....when i am happy, he is happy. and that is satisfying enough. GOD intends the best for his children. i must not be angry at GOD. you should not be angry at GOD. maybe it's because i'm niave and i don't like to be angry at things i can't control. humans have no power over life. life is controled by GOD, there is nothing i can do.
for the past week, every one has said to me, "sabina, there are things you just can't control." and now, i am sitting here, about to cry, but also contented. tears of sadness with the grin of a crazy satisfied person. i wanted to be his. i wanted to love. but maybe, it's just not the right time. if i could accept it the first time, i could accept it now. but why is there a part of me that just doesn't want to let go of n e of this?
a good friendship was created. and well.....we wanted to pursue something more, but....it wasn't started. and therefore, nothing will end. all that friendship will still remain. but as i said, i just need to learn restraint.
well if he reads this.....he will know the very last reason to why i always poke him. because i want to know that he knows that i am there. yeah, i'm a attention crazed chick when it comes to the people i like. i want to know that he likes me too. i want to know that he's not afraid to have me as a friend.....sometimes, i wanted more, but there's nothing to repell n e more. no expectations. when you have expectations, you will always be disappointed. i want to be happy....but the more i write...the more i want to cry....sighs sighs....hope he calls me when he wakes up. but it's clear that i have woke up before him if he hasn't called me yet....sighs......what am i doing to myself? i am indulging myself in a sensation that just isn't going to happen. sighs sighs.
maybe there were reasons to why i did meet him and have the feelings i had. maybe it wasn't more than to just be friends, but maybe it was. meh, the thing is, GOD's plan is my plan. i have prayed so that something could work. and maybe, the working things out may not be the way i intended it to work out, but......i can't hide my feelings. sighs....but i must restrain. i can't continue to send signs of affection, even though all the time i have i just want to spend with him and make him happy. but.....when i am happy, he is happy. and that is satisfying enough. GOD intends the best for his children. i must not be angry at GOD. you should not be angry at GOD. maybe it's because i'm niave and i don't like to be angry at things i can't control. humans have no power over life. life is controled by GOD, there is nothing i can do.
for the past week, every one has said to me, "sabina, there are things you just can't control." and now, i am sitting here, about to cry, but also contented. tears of sadness with the grin of a crazy satisfied person. i wanted to be his. i wanted to love. but maybe, it's just not the right time. if i could accept it the first time, i could accept it now. but why is there a part of me that just doesn't want to let go of n e of this?
a good friendship was created. and well.....we wanted to pursue something more, but....it wasn't started. and therefore, nothing will end. all that friendship will still remain. but as i said, i just need to learn restraint.
well if he reads this.....he will know the very last reason to why i always poke him. because i want to know that he knows that i am there. yeah, i'm a attention crazed chick when it comes to the people i like. i want to know that he likes me too. i want to know that he's not afraid to have me as a friend.....sometimes, i wanted more, but there's nothing to repell n e more. no expectations. when you have expectations, you will always be disappointed. i want to be happy....but the more i write...the more i want to cry....sighs sighs....hope he calls me when he wakes up. but it's clear that i have woke up before him if he hasn't called me yet....sighs......what am i doing to myself? i am indulging myself in a sensation that just isn't going to happen. sighs sighs.
thoughts
and so.....muhahahaha....friendship continues. muhahahaha....
but well. talking to willy this morning. should be sleeping soon. it's almost one. need rest. tooo much happiness and excitement for the day. bleh bleh.
well yeah.....i am tooo niave apparently. wow. i live a pretty sheltered life. i have a sheltered life experience. the people i encounter, i encounter for a reason. you fight to protect. you fight to defend. you fight to survive. oh....i am sooo happy today.
i haven't talked to willy for this long for a very long long long time. muhahahaha. yes, apparently i live a sheltered life. i live in the indulgence of happiness and all the small things are made into catastrophes because it's a big ripple in my sea of over indulgence. my words...not his....my thoughts....my input...not his.
but....i still must learn to protect myself better. i must learn to hurt less. =.= args. sensitivity, compassion, sympathy, empathy=.= it's not something i lack, it's sometimes i trait that is tooo dominant in character. in my strong point lies my weakness=.=
and so, i am compared to a little child, it's no longer cute when you are not a kid and niave. it's called stupidity=.= i don't know what's best for me. but sometimes, pain is alrights. pain helps you grow. you need it in order to become stronger. if you never fall on your ass when you are learning to walk, you never learn how to balance yourself properly.
but well. talking to willy this morning. should be sleeping soon. it's almost one. need rest. tooo much happiness and excitement for the day. bleh bleh.
well yeah.....i am tooo niave apparently. wow. i live a pretty sheltered life. i have a sheltered life experience. the people i encounter, i encounter for a reason. you fight to protect. you fight to defend. you fight to survive. oh....i am sooo happy today.
i haven't talked to willy for this long for a very long long long time. muhahahaha. yes, apparently i live a sheltered life. i live in the indulgence of happiness and all the small things are made into catastrophes because it's a big ripple in my sea of over indulgence. my words...not his....my thoughts....my input...not his.
but....i still must learn to protect myself better. i must learn to hurt less. =.= args. sensitivity, compassion, sympathy, empathy=.= it's not something i lack, it's sometimes i trait that is tooo dominant in character. in my strong point lies my weakness=.=
and so, i am compared to a little child, it's no longer cute when you are not a kid and niave. it's called stupidity=.= i don't know what's best for me. but sometimes, pain is alrights. pain helps you grow. you need it in order to become stronger. if you never fall on your ass when you are learning to walk, you never learn how to balance yourself properly.
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