i feel completely sick and i feel completely tired. but the thing is, i can't sleep. this sux alot. args args.

hm. blogger is messed up at the present moment. wow, i am pessemistic. everyone is kinda right. hm. but then am i just that lil happy girl that tries too hard to be happy? sioghs sighs.

when you try to hard to do something you never really succeed. hm./

wow. why are all these koreans and like chinese people that are shown on american idol suck ass? the truth is, we there is skill to asians/oreintals. just becuase someone wishes to show talent in another language does not mean that they don't hae skill. yeah, why is tv sooo white? args. it's so rare to find a black guy in a movie that doesn't die first. you never find an asian that speaks good english. wow. so hypocritical and not kool. hm. args args.

everyone thinks i have a sick mind. maye i do and maybe i don't. hm. i'm going on a mission to write every word in the bible by hand. i don't know. this may help me alot. there is two reasons why i'm doing this. one, because it would probably be the only way that i understand the bible alot better. another one would be that i can understand how others in earlier years felt when they were writting the bible all by hand when there was no printer. args.

tv influences my life alot. hm. i'm going to leave soon. i seem to need to rest alot so that i don't get headaches. lately i've been getting really bad migraines, my sisster says it's due to my level of stress. i really doubt that my stress levels can cause such headaches, but somehow, it does. it's weird. everytime i'm feeling crappy, i get really bad headaches. and whenever i am down, i do get horrible migraines. it's weird how that happens. when i'm nervous, i cough really hard and my lungs seem to hurt alot because of my coughing. also, when i get really nervous, i get very pale.

yeah, i'm one of those people that can fake a fever. i've mastered that skill as a little child. you may say it's not possible to become sick and all, but truth is, i hav.....if i really wanted to become sick, i would. and i do it well. i can rase my temperature just a bit, enuff to make it seem as if i'm having a rising fever. it's weird. this can happen when you really put your mind into doing something or not doing something. it's really really weird how things work.

my thoughts have no substance. it has not depth and bredth. whack. hm. yeah, there are soe people that say i'm completely a younging. sighs sighs. i'm tired. and i'm sick. i didn't call bessie today, but that was because i really needed to study. but did i study? i only studied for an hour. and then someone called and i couldn't call bessie. sighs sighs. i'm totally tired. args args.

it's weird how things work out sometimes. it's never too easy to say that someone died. sighs sighs. a question of life, "would you rather know nothing or to know whatever little you can?" yeah, it's a quotation from csi at the present moment. hm.

people don't understand what they do not wantto see. they just don't. sighs sighs. it's a pity how people say that you can take a life because someone is sick, or in a coma, or too old to take up oxygen in the air. sighs sighs. it's just not right. a life is a life. and everyone has a mission on their earth. just because someone is very old does not mean that they should die. sighs sighs. it's just not right. sighs sisghs

hm. watching csi. and this show always makes me question life. i mean, how can people not see GOD?!?!? specially in life, how can people not believe that there is no GOD. and then again, i remember a sermon that a pastor once said. he said that those that seem or say they have no GOD, are worshiping themselves. and to me, this statement seems to really make me think. why? because well, it is really true. specially in days like this, everyone only believes in self. they believe that all they can do is is done because of themselves. args. and this does make me mad, but then i've become a hypocrite again. at times, i have become like this too. and it's not right. it's just not. and you can say i'm a JESUS freak, and you know what? i'm proud. i'd rather be pursecuted for something that i am than to be forgotten as something is wasn't.

wow having a bad time. can't seem to study for a long while. this is not too funnay. hm.....my friend always says what's his face and i look soo cute because the atmosphere is soo thick. hm. and now, i kinda see that it is very thick.

and she says that he always says stupid things just because well, he wants to make conversation and such. hm. i suppose this is true, i have no clue. it's very weird. i never noticed till that ay of mash crap. hm. it was kinda cute i suppose. but i don't know. lost all contact with the world pretty much. i have isolated myself to being a mute body. sighs sighs. it's weird, so very very weird. hm. have i gotten over him yet? hm.

yeah jenny, it would be kinda funny if well, just as i like some one, his bst friend likes me?!?!? keke^^ jennay, you know it's gonna be a problem, i never like white people, and there were only an exceptional few that i have now. this is sooo very weird. stupid darn people always looking at meh and smiling at meh as if i can't see that evil smirk. keke^^ it's kinda funnay. keke^^

i mean, wouldn't it be hilarious if that did happen jenny?

why do i bother writing thoughts as if i'm talking to someone? no ione really reads all my thoughts anyways. whack whack. sighs. maybe i like the company of people. maybe that's why i talk and write my thoughts as if i have a listener.