Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.
Monday, February 09, 2004
args, this makes me frustrated. sighs sighs. no one listens to me. no one ever does. hm. and then thoughts of what winston said to me, makes me cry over and over again. no one listens to me because no one cares. yeah, that's the truth. i treat myself special because i feel that i am. sighs sighs. i don't know what to say.
i live two separate lives. one during the day, and one during the night. it's confusing. so very confusing. during the day, i seem to be as happy as ever. and then well, during the night....a night where i'm upset. sighs sighs. tired. hm. went shopping for groceries today. keke^^ great fun. keke^^ yupz yupz.
i live two separate lives. one during the day, and one during the night. it's confusing. so very confusing. during the day, i seem to be as happy as ever. and then well, during the night....a night where i'm upset. sighs sighs. tired. hm. went shopping for groceries today. keke^^ great fun. keke^^ yupz yupz.
just because outta the decency of my heart i help, but everyone misunderstands my good intentions. i have no motive except a good heart. sighs sighs. in this world, people only understand cruelty. they only long for sensitivity and kindness never being able to attain the state because they live their lives being cruel at all times. i'm no different, but i'm just stating it for myself so the truth hits in. i want others to understand that i'm not the girl of all smiles. my thoughts torment me, only because i allow them to torment. but know what, just because i'm fragile doesn' t mean i'll allow myself to be broken by you.
in less then a week, i've lost 7 to 8 pounds......i've lost all my appetite to eat anything now days. i no longer smile inside. my heart breaks over and over again like the fragile icicle that dangles from the rooftop. sighs sighs. i could die any moment, yet life keeps me alive for better purposes. a purpose which i do not see for myself. for man will always be blind to what is to come, but every be aware of that of the past. yeah, history always repeats itself, i've seen it more than once....gotsta go now...l8z l8z...sighs sighs....
yeah, everyone asks me what i'm doing this valentine's day. and each and everytime, i say that i don't know and i ain't doing anything. everyone seems sooo shocked. but would people be shocked if i did tell them i was doing something? i suppose they would too. but does it really matter what they think and say and care? the truth is, it doesn't really matter. but i don't know. it seems like i think about everything. and it seems like i never find enjoyment in anything. yeah, the truth is, i'm one of those tooo detailed type of people. if you notice, my house, wherever i've been, there'll be a great big mess. you can call me lazy, and you can call me a dirty pig, but the truth is, i like it that way. i honestly can't help it. i mean, i've hated the perfectly clean, but i don't like to tolerate it at someone else's house. am i being hypcritical? yes, i can say i am. but don't you dare say i am. sighs sighs. i'm very stubborn, and i'm easily angered. maybe i will never find love because i can never understand it. the truth is....that is the truth. love is one of those things that well....GOD is and altogether, that is just something i am not. sighs sighs. i'm not a good person, but i'm not a bad person, i am just satisfactory. hm. you can see i'm near breakdown again. writing soo many thoughts at this hour. you've heard it once, and you've heard it twice. i'm worry, but do you have a problem? what runs through my mind is mine, not urs.
i hate this, my parents are sooo hypocritical, but then again, everyone is. but they always say to deal with my conflicts at face value. never step down unless you are sure that it's GOD's will for you not to care. but i see in every conflict that arouses in thier lives, they never take the time to defend themselves. yet i admire my parents beyond belief. at sooo many times in life, i never listen to them, thinking that i know what they heck they are saying, the truth, i do, but it doesn't mean that i shouldn't listen. they always listen to me as if it's the first time they've heard me speak intelligent words. sighs.
i miss my sister, but then again, my sister and i always fight. we don't really get along. we are totally different people with completely different values and outlooks in life. my sister graduated with good marks outta hs...and me on the other hand....so far only maintaining a low 80 average.....but yet, i'm happy my mother doesn't compare me to my sister. she has always seen that i'm very different from her. and thinking about this, it makes me cry sooo much. i don't understand why, but i can try to understand why. my sister is my mother, only in a figure that resembles more of my dad. and me, i'm the one that resembles her but has the mind of my father. it's funnay, but it's sad. i don't have the work ethic. i don't have the motivation. and no, it's not a typical teen thing. i've lived like this all my life since the very beginning of my first memory.
i hate this, my parents are sooo hypocritical, but then again, everyone is. but they always say to deal with my conflicts at face value. never step down unless you are sure that it's GOD's will for you not to care. but i see in every conflict that arouses in thier lives, they never take the time to defend themselves. yet i admire my parents beyond belief. at sooo many times in life, i never listen to them, thinking that i know what they heck they are saying, the truth, i do, but it doesn't mean that i shouldn't listen. they always listen to me as if it's the first time they've heard me speak intelligent words. sighs.
i miss my sister, but then again, my sister and i always fight. we don't really get along. we are totally different people with completely different values and outlooks in life. my sister graduated with good marks outta hs...and me on the other hand....so far only maintaining a low 80 average.....but yet, i'm happy my mother doesn't compare me to my sister. she has always seen that i'm very different from her. and thinking about this, it makes me cry sooo much. i don't understand why, but i can try to understand why. my sister is my mother, only in a figure that resembles more of my dad. and me, i'm the one that resembles her but has the mind of my father. it's funnay, but it's sad. i don't have the work ethic. i don't have the motivation. and no, it's not a typical teen thing. i've lived like this all my life since the very beginning of my first memory.
sighs. it's so hard to know you, because you just never allow me to understand. everytime i come near, all you do is just push me away, but you still give me the look and feel that you still need me. i greet you with open arms and a warm heart with smiles. but yet, you just walk away leaving me to stare blankly into the place you once were. no, i'm not heartbroken, it's worst. i'm confused beyond the state of confusion. i'm depressed beyond the state of depression. i'm full to the point that i'm almost empty. contriditory. i am human too. i'm glad you are my friend, even though....time and time again, you leave me in the rain. it is better to be alone then with many people sometimes. but yet again, being in big crowds, i still remain feeling empty and alone. i feel as if no one cares even though i know they do. i'm the worst sort of person. i'm wrong to every right. i only want what i can't have. and when i have what i wanted, i no longer find a need for it. sighs sighs. i'm the one that has lots of trash. i'm the one that never sees the treasure. i am the one that no longer wants to see or understand. you say i'm long aired. you say you've heard my words over and over again. does it truly matter? if you never heard what you heard once, don't you forget? if you know my words so well, does that mean you know me well? i'm confused.
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