u say u'll be fine....but the truth is.....u really are not.....
in a sense it's harsh....but it's da same dat goes with meh.....i say i'm fine, but deep down inside....u noe u still lack something
as a christian, that lacking and longing for sumthing should be filled by GOD, and if it is not....there are only 2 possiblities to this 1 situation......a) u are either knowing GOD and am applying him in ur lyphe, but not enuff.....or b) u really just claim to have him in ur emptiness. i noe by my choice...i'm choice b. i claim to have him in my emptiness....yet i still want more, cause i also don't apply....muhahah=>:D stupid aye?!?!? either choice relates to each other in a sense....muhahaha=>:D
the truth is....no matta how u want meh to not worry.....i will always be worrying.....u ask why.....ask urself...u noe why. u are da backside to my hand....or so to speak...another part of meh that would suffer if i lost it. the whole body would learn to function without it, but the whole body itself suffers as a whole.
u don't need to know what i running through ur head, u just need to know what is infront of you. face it with all ur strength with all ur good points plus the bad. it's the bad, ur faults, that make u a person, not the good. the good points only happen through experience through the bad and teach ur faults to become better. in a sense, that's all it is.....the transfer a a fault into something positive. This transfer making use who we are.....so therefore...basically i'm saying that it's how we change that counts...not how we already are.
u feel blank all the time when ur with ur family, alot of peeps go through that to. to tell you the truth, i am one of those peeps. i know i have one of the best family in the world....or at least to meh....i wouldn't want em n e other way, and i betcha that the same thing is with u. the thing is.....acceptance is a funnay thing.....u accept em...but i find that sumtimes that the acceptance u go through to accept those around you makes u kinda feel hollow. the reason being dat ur family is the closest peeps in ur lyphe.....u have no one closer....well unless u already have a soul mate and have found him or her....in ur case, a her....muhahahah=>:d The reason behind such hollow/emptiness is the fact that u still want the change. change for the better. u long for the change or to see sumthing u want to happen. i notice dat all peeps are selfish, cause everyone just wanna change everyone into a "better" person. in a sense, i'm writing this like da entry i have writen because i care, and i know in some part deep down inside meh....dere's another reason...but dat ain't da point. i wouldn't change u for a million or even a billion dollars. the fact to all this is that peeps like u and meh think too much. care too much. but in this sense, u loose most of urself just to learn to get to know others. or at least dat is da way i am. u read my thoughts often whenever u have the time, have u noticed that most of my thoughts are for you?? hahaha=>:D smilez...ur special....hahaha=>:D yupz yupz.
u have an uncried tear.....have u ever thought that the tear is the only thing keeping you going?!?!? every emotion if wuz the last would mean death after. does it not mean such a thing??? really think about it....hahaha=>:D i'd rather have the uncried tear if i was you, but then again...i have million of uncried tears only because i no longer wanna cry and my body can't handle such a stress n e more. mind you, i cry....alot....and inside my heart....i'm drowning in a sense, but i will go on....eventually the water will evaporate. even if the tear was just a friends, or wuz mine, or ur own, the tear is still there is it not?? that's the funny thing, the tear is there no matter what....even if it dun belong to you. the only thing you can do to that tear is let it go....not neccessarily cry it out...but let it out...like open it to the sun and let it just evaporate....yeah....kinda superficial, but sumtimes to let go is the only way to solve n e thing. the funny thing is, i wanna let go...but it's as if my lyphe depends on my memories and i cannot let go of the happiness i had....that i no longer have because of the past happiness. hahaha=>:d CAN U REMEMBER THE TIME WHEN I WUZ THE HAPPIEST GURL, WITHOUT A CARE IN THE WORLD AND WUZ ALWAYS SMILING REFLECTING MY TRUE HAPPINESS?!?!? i really think if you thought about it, u'd prolly say either when i wuz in grade 7 or 8, or when i had sumone in my lyphe.....i guess in a sense, you would be quite rite and quite wrong at the same time. when i'm truly happy, most times it's when i'm in my own wolrd with just a lil grin or smirk across my face, not when i'm smilling and laughing out loud. i can honestly say dis....i love you....in whatever way you want...i don't care how peeps take it....think whatever.....
u wanna be in ur own thoughts, not thinking about others....but it's not possible. in your nature...it is to care...and caring is what you do best, even if at times peeps either call you cold or uncaring....the truth is deep down you still care....and if you didn't...being called cold wouldn't hurt. hahaha=>:D dat's how i know i ain't cold....u only wanna defend urself cause u either a) know urself really really well or b) u just dun like peeps calling you cold.....but whatever u are.....u know u ain't cold. i know that u seeing others smile because of ur smile makes u happy....i noe dat...why??? cause dat's da person you are. u sacrifice most of urself to gain that sumthing that you sacrificed....does dat make n e sense??? i know what i'm talking about, but very few, if at all n e actually know. this is a really long thought....it's more of a thought devoted to answering your thoughts.....meh=kinda stupid. in ur entry, it portrays a few feelings. a feeling of confusion which is numba one....a feeling of being lost....a happy feeling, a sad feeling, a kinda bit mad feeling. maybe not so much of da mad part, but u could be soooo confused dat u later become angry. dat's da thing....weird ain't it? sometimes it's worth giving up urself for others...and other times...it just ain't worth it.....all human nature is to betray no matta how loyal the person is....just look at a dog....(not saying ur a dog) a dog, the loyalest friend to the owner, will still betray its owner for a peice of meat if extremely starving. yeah yeah...i know stupid example...but at the moment...it's the only one i have on my head. hahah=>:D i wanna be loyal to all my friends...and i know dat's how u wanna be. and dat's wuz causing all ur controversy in a sense...cause dat's wuz affecting meh at da time. da only way u know how to treat sumones ups or down is to let urself go and wait for it to come bak to you in a sense. sometimes dis method is affective...other times, it's not. truthfully.....i've lost soo much of myself because i let myself go. i gave myself to everyone....hoping in return that they will return bits of them to meh or myself bak to meh....but dey dun. makes meh hurt more at times...at times i become stronger...at times...i become extremely weak. lyphe is a never ending rollercoaster that can go through the mountains or just along the side of it.
there is sumthing u wanna say on ur lips??? i believe it's constantly on ur mind or u wouldn't even bother typing it out. by saying u wanna say sumthing to someone can only let the person's imagination run to the wildest extents....trust meh on dat one...i do dat all da time just to keep peeps in suspense. muhahha=>:D the truth comes out either way...in the way u want it to come out or not. so eitha way....it's betta to not say u have sumthing to tell sometimes. muhahah=>:D

yeahyeah....dis thought is kinda long and kinda stupid....sollie for dat....well whateva....come bak whenever u wanna....i dun really post muchie n e more...but whatever.....hahaha=>:D l8a la.....

u say u'll be fine....but the truth is.....u really are not.....
in a sense it's harsh....but it's da same dat goes with meh.....i say i'm fine, but deep down inside....u noe u still lack something
as a christian, that lacking and longing for sumthing should be filled by GOD, and if it is not....there are only 2 possiblities to this 1 situation......a) u are either knowing GOD and am applying him in ur lyphe, but not enuff.....or b) u really just claim to have him in ur emptiness. i noe by my choice...i'm choice b. i claim to have him in my emptiness....yet i still want more, cause i also don't apply....muhahah=>:D stupid aye?!?!? either choice relates to each other in a sense....muhahaha=>:D

last nite i had a dream.....actually two......both equally as scary.....
sighs....
first one......all i haveta tell u is dat my ex....said he never loved meh.....arg....sighs. he never loved meh?!?!? i dun gets it....why now?!?!?
second one....i died. dat's all u haveta noe....u dun need da details of my dreams....all u need to noe is dat well.....dat's my dreams.
so yeah....sigh sigh...
what do dey mean???
why did i wake up crying??? sighs....so very scary....
are my worst worries confirmed???
or is dis just another test?!?!?
what am i supposed to do???

well my response, i'm just gonna try to ignore em even doe dey disturb meh
disturbance....in da mind or in da soul??? where does it originate?!?!? arg...scary scary thoughts...
i'm just not ever gonna speak of dis...if n e one reads dis....so what....it's alritez...no problems...
l8a ya'll