i am being hypocritical....but why should you hate your parents? i mean....even though i know i say i hate them....i cannot.....you are dissatisfied of them because they are human...but does it all matter in the end. sighs....to loose someone's trust...you must have done something to yourself or someone else....so yeah. sighs....just wanna go away running and hiding and crying my eyes out....so yeah...sighs sighs....

hm.....am i angry?????

i'm being stupid....i'm being selfish...but really.....i don't want to care n e more....all my caring only makes me more frustrated.....sighs sighs

no one can bare the site of my tears. no one understands why i cry. no one understand why i can't handle stress. i will die.....can i pray for it to be soon? no one reads my thoughts...no one cares......so why should i bother to even post my thoughts? it's no longer like helping me cope with my problems....it only makes me realize how troubled a person i really am.....someone give me sleeping pills...please.....it's not like people will come to my funeral......it's not like they'd actually waste their time....and if they do....they're just wasting it going to a dead person's last memory....not like they can remember you. morbid? well too bad...from here on end......my thoughts get more morbid by the second.....

JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!

i don't belong anywhere. i don't belong here. i don't belong THERE. i don't belong in the great beyond.....i am the ashes of the ashes....i am not the phoenix so i shall not rise.....i am just the ashes of the ashes. carbon i was....carbon i shall be.....

i am not a good student. i am not a good daughter. i am not a good christian. i am not a good friend. i am not a writer. i am not a thinker. i am nothing. all i am is dust beneath your shoe. even the earth rejects me though. therefore, i belong no where. i am to go nowhere so i remain in the presence of no where.

i am miserable. i am not happy. i am christian but what part of me is christian? what?!?!? what?!?!? what?!?!? i don't tell people my problems unless they ask. i feel like i'm using people when i go and just tell them everything that's wrong and going through my head. why can't i just forget everything that's happened to me? why?!?! why!?!? why?!?!? i'm no longer a good person. i have never been a good person. or have i been? i was never innocent. i had always needed to face what many others did not face. my tears have become nothing. my tears have just left marks on my face permanently. am i that horrible that no one wants me? am i that horrible that the only place doesn't even want me there n e more? what part of me is christian? should i not have these doubts? shouldn't i be firm in my believe? how do i act christian? how?!?! how?!?!? how?!?! i believe that GOD is the son of GOD. i believe that he created the world in 6 days and on the 7th he made it the day of the rest/ sabbath. i believe that GOD sent his son JESUS to die on the cross and save me from my sin. i believe that satan is there trying to steal my soul away. but how oh how do i act christian?!? how am i being an ambassador of christ?!?!?

yes, i hate living. i just wanna die! args. i hate my mother, i hate my father, i hate my sister, i hate my friends, i hate me! args!!!! basically saying....i hate GOD. args. if i can hate all that he's given me, then there is nothing to look forward to. args. why am i such a failure in life? why am i not able to complete sucessfully anything that i do? why does everything i touch fall into dust before my very eyese? why?!?! why?!?!? why?!?!? why am i so miserable? do i yell at everyone i know? what the hell is wrong with me?!?!? is my presence not enjoyed by n e one i know? am i a horrible person? am i selfish? am i jealous? an my greedy? am i a theif? am i a rapist? am i criminal? what have i done so wrong that everything i do now is now just errors on top of errors? WHAT?!?!? what?!?!? WHAT?!?!?