my thoughts run wild, and as my friends say, my thoughts are too many and i think too much. in a mist of a storm, don't you wish that there was someone to do your thinking while you panic? when you wish that i am no more, there will be more of those times that you wish that you can see me around. i smile thinking of what coulda happened if i'd had taken the chance, but too bad there are things that you just couldn't have done. i've been watching a very old tvb thingy, and it makes me see the values of people in full perspective. i don't know. i see many thngs that i wish not tosee, but at the time, i know there is a reason why i see things as it is. hm. i think i will take psychology, and i will take sociology at the same time later in my life. because i really think it is important that i take the course. but as my choice is becoming clearer at this time, people agree with my choice. i have much encouragement that this is one of those professions that will enjoy at the time that i will fret. as i do that personality tests, those profession test always tell me the same thing. if i set my mind, i will be that kind of person that i will succeed. and i must choose a profession that i will be interested or i will not succeed.

i have no doubt there is a reason why i'm like this. people think i am spoiled, and i will tell you i am. people say that i am arrogant, that i may be at times. what i am is of none of your concern unless i am a bad person that treats you like trash, but as a person, i can never treat you like trash. yes, there is a person that i hate beyond hatred.....but yet at the time, i give him the curtesy to not beat him to a pulp. i know i have said that the next time i see him, i will beat him, and time and time again, i see him, but i do nothing. why do i do nothing? i give him the respect as a person. i've learnt to love my enemy. i have got an enemy, but i really want to see what his reaction would be if i died because he killed me. would he feel the regret? has he seen the times that i honestly cared as a friend? but honestly people that don't see how people care and how they care, well then those people are what in other times be called as "not worth a dog" well translated from chinese.

many times people don't understand how it is to care. many times, people don't understand why people care. for the obvious reasons, there are so many times when people think they shouldn't care about certain people. but i will contintue saying this, when they seem to deserve your hope, love, and time, they need it the most. there are those that just don't receive it, you cannot inforce a gift upon a soul like that, so you just leave your gift at the door waiting for them to pick it up. if they don't pick it up till it's already gone, it's their lost for eternity.

okayz. been asked time and time again, why the title to my blog is even word's can't describe. the truth is. when you really think about what you have been feelings, your feelings can never be described in words. think of it this way....feelings are just what they are....feelings. feelings can never be described fully by the words that are coming out of your mouth. firstly, one reason is this, words can be interpreted, something as an emotion as innocent as love can be interpreted as lust. people don't seem to be on the same wave length as you when you are describing things. there are many actions that seem to be mean actions, but when you really think about it, what is the meaning behind the harshness. many times, people hat others only because they seem mean to them because they THINK that that person wants them dead or something. the truth is, sometimes, harshness results in better character. a bitter character at times, but it makes you build up your character. there are times when too much harshness drives you to the end of the line, but the fact is.......you are still ultimately in control of how you handle the situation. GOD is always near. he is by ur side till the very end, and even past the end. there is only one person that can surpass time and that is GOD, so from even before your beginning, he was there, and till the end of you, he will there, and even past the end, he will be there. he was, is, and forever will be the alpha, and the omega. i don't know why that came to my head, it just did. gotsta start reading my bible again. yeah, i'm a JESUS freak, and whoever finds a problem with me that sense, kill me. i'd rather be a martyr then be talked behind my bak. maybe it's the traditional chinese way that i was raised, but pride, and glory are very important. i'd rather die before i betray myself, my family, and my beliefs. i don't know. when i say that, i think of that chinese saying. and then when i think of that chinese saying, i think of that saying about how guys should bleed before they cry. and that saying infuriates me, but i understand where it's coming from. the male role should be the provider, protector, leader, strength of the family, house, and whatever. if you show weakness, then people will take that and use it against you. and when i think about using something against you, i think how you are cautious of your every thought you post on line. and this kinda dims the smile on my face and lights a bulb in my head. people that think have everything to be held against them. most times, those that think have all their emotions hidden sooo well that everyone can interpret it, and then there are those that have their thoughts running wild also have their emotions on their sleeves.

in this world, it's hard to find a balance for something. when people think they have found that hard foundation which can be called their balance, everything gets flipped up side down and everything is messed up. crisis is always followed by a pit.