i have no clue what i'm writing.....
i guess i've become an introvert. i no longer permit myself to talk....to speak...to express.
i long to write all my thoughts on line......as if i cannot speak....as if i cannot express....
i don't hear or listen n e more....
i am just here why?!?!? because i am not permitted to die
i've never had such a strong urge to go over dose myself with medicated drugs.
sighs......
my parents say i'm cold....am i dat cold person?!?!? am i?!?!
i do noe who i am, and to myself....i do not consider myself cold. i guess my parents expect more to meh..
expectations.....why do we haveta have em???
this world is full of hate and a lack of love.....why should i add to the amount of hate out there in the ocean of the world??
should i not add to the lack??? but love is not lacking...it's everywhere....in small amounts....there's just a larger longing and need of it. sighs sighs. i say i'm happy.....i look happy.....i act happy, but am i truly happy???? am i not made to be happy?!? why can i not feel???
controversial thoughts.....
my parents say that i dunno how to be a human....i don't know how to reason.....is that true??? do i not noe how to reason??? do i not know how to be a human??? i suppose it's true....since i hate humanity.....dere's just soo much bad stuff in it....maybe it's just cause i'm a super pessimist....maybe i am...and maybe i aint....well i have no clue...nothing can help....i still feel crumby n e ways....but i'm happy.....if i wuzn't happy.....i wouldn't be able to think happy thoughts....i am happy....hahaha
well whateva....l8a