now an entry on it's own........not feeling too bad, not feeling too great....

now another person asked meh if he/she flirted too much.....but i dunno....my answer wuz simple......i dunno what flirting is....so what does flirting mean to you? but obviously, dat person couldn't answer meh....kinda surprised.....people say i flirt alot.....but i don't flirt......cause isn't flirting dat is sumthing u haveta teach urself???? if you think being friendly is flirting....den i flirt all da time.....so basically i can't answer dat q....

now some people say i'm pessimistic.....yeah.....i think i kinda am. but really......lyphe's like dat.....lyphe's harsh....i just kinda think i am more realistic than i need be....but if you want to be degraded or feel down a notch or two.....u noe who to run to......i'll try not to state it too harshly.....but if you need meh to be harsh....i'll be dat way.....

it wuz kinda funnay.....i read my fortune cookie thing....yeah....my parents said not to believe it.....but dis is what it read......"u are known to be straightforward and honest." i dunno......am i? i really think i'm too straightforward....if dere's sumthing wrong with you.....i'll say dere is......maybe not directly....but maybe at da same time...very directly.....dunno.....it's very weird to read how u are from a lil fortune cookie...

change.......now change is the only thing constant in lyphe.....and u want change to change the way you want to change....but really....change doesn't change according to you or the way you want.....change is just a six letter word dat happens......people could feel sorry from change, but really....change is change.....u see a bit more of you every time u do change. u show a bit more of ur true colors when u change......not dat ur colors will shine....at least dey will be pretty in some way......u dun need to show ur own rainbow.....ur rainbow doesn't need to shine....as long as u noe it's dere......

yeah....ur rite....character and quality really mean alot to meh......emotions are what builds character and show character. i'm kinda weird.....i lack quality, but i have character....not being snobby or cocky or n e thing, but dat's just da way i am. i'm shut up, but at da same time, i'm extremely open. whatever u wanna noe, u can ask, and u noe i'd answer u......dat's just da way i am. i say i trust you, do you think i do? if i didn't, would i allow you to hurt meh? hehehe=>:D a twisted thought....if i didn't trust you, if i didn't care, would i hurt at all? i mean it when i say i'll stay loyal and strong to you or whoeva......cause u deserve it....even if you think you don't.....who can throw the first stone? are u innocent? is it for meh to judge??? it isn't.....so how can i not trust you??? i can't help not to.....

for all you out there....i've forgiven maybe not have forgotten....but i still love you forever to come and hope to be enuff to satisfy everything.

this thought is to no one in preticular....even doe most of my thoughts are around three or four or five people in my lyphe most times....da same three, four, five people.....but dere are times when i talk about family.....u just dun always notice da difference...

well dis is to one person, u say u hate the word sorry, but really....what has sorry ever done to you? nah nah, i'm not mad at you, i just want you to see sumthing from another veiw, u noe i couldn't hate you....this is it.....do you hate the word sorry because it reminds you of what sumone has inflicted unto you? or is it dat u hate the word because it makes you kinda regret sumthing sumhow? i dun care what ur reason is......but dis is one reason why i dun hate da word sorry. dis is just da way i see it, i may just be being stupid.....most times, sorry is when sumone wants to be forgiven....like most times...people say it too late towards meh....but i still dun hate da word......maybe dem saying sorry to meh teaches em a lesson that they neva knew....even id dey dun change....it doesn't mean dat dey haven't learnt it....just dat dey can't figure out how to apply it. maybe....u'd hate all da words in da english language, or chinese or whateva language if every word wuz interchangeable so that everyone word can mean sorry. what i'm trying to say is.....how can you hate a word of such sorrow? as u noe.....GOD created da heavens and de earth, he created a time for sorrow and a time for celebration....so wuz da point of hating a word of sorrow....

to da same person......u hate da word love.....so do you hate it when i say dis to you, i love you? i think i noe why u say u hate the words love and sorry.....is it because it's overused? yeah...dat maybe da case.....but i dunno.....to meh.....emotions are almost everything in lyphe....yeah, they don't last, but while dey do, u should try to enjoy every bit of it...even if it's sadness, anger, madness, or happiness and joy.....so a word to express da way u feel can't be wrong can it? just because it's overused doesn't always mean dat it doesn't mean n e thing....dat's all i have to say at da present moment...maybe it's my kinda cheery mood, but i dunno......dere are just sum things i wanna say before i go.....

yeah, my church.....my sunday skool teacher asked da class what i had dat i suffered from....u noe i really didn't noe what to say.....i wuz smiling only cause i knew every one of the things i was suffering from....maybe just simple problems...but dis wuz my answer.....dere is nothing easy......i think dat answered alot about my personality....but no one really cared cept prolly one or two people.......dey didn't really notice what a big impact it meant to meh to say dat, but it makes no difference...what i said is said...can u figure out why things are never easy? dere is no easy way???? do you understand what i'm trying to say??? i doubt dat u do, but at the same time....i think you do because everyone of ya would understand if you tried to care just a wee bit more....

another question.....have u eva thought of what u'd have said at ur funeral??? my class is of youths and with three adults including da teacher.....only one outta da three adults thought of dere funeral....but meh....i'm only sixteen....laughed at the matter....saying....yes, i have everything planned, just look at my diary, i have my funeral arrangements and everything. laughing yet??? just like you, people in my class say i'm morbid......but really.....if you say dat....u dun understand meh much......dere are a few reasons....but one dat came to da bak of my head.......maybe phychologically i wrote it because i just wanted to die.....but now i look at it....dere's more den just dat....i wanted to be prepared....i don't want others planning it for meh......i don't really like it when people do things i've oughtta have done myself....

well.....i dunno what to say......u suffered by urself......now da pain u experienced is much different and more painful physically den n e thing u've prolly ever been through.

but dis is what i see in light of pain......pain and sufferings bring you closer to GOD, only he can give you eternal rest and comfort......so in him will he be ur guide, ur comfort.... nothing i can say, can comfort, but i hope i can help.

well fear, i've experienced much of it....but dere's alot dat i still dun let to GOD.....so yes....i have no clue.....i have nothing dat i can say dat willhelp muchie.....u wanted to talk to meh, but when i came to talk to ya, u didn't feel like talking n e more......but dat's normal. hehehe=.:D u noe everything dat i would say....u noe what i say is just common knowledge dat may simply be taken by like granted...

i wish you all da best.....hope u will conquers ur fear and see dat i can be pointless sumtimes to be afraid of sumthing dat stops u from every activity you do......enjoy lyphe to da fullest....even doe i say dat....sum believe i dun because i'm down all da time, but really....i see many things dat dey prolly even wouldn't notice......eitha way......if you want help....i'm always willing to listen and help.......

sum jing jee yeen lueng......