well bak to the fact that i'm philosophical....even my sister says that. she's like, all my life, i have never met another person so young in age, but has philosophy that only a person who's walked the earth could say. where have you been these 16 years? how old are you really? but wisdom only comes with fear. what you do not acknowledge is what you do not see, and if i must fear to acknowledge, then so be it....it's the only way i will see.

if all your life, you call enjoying living, then what do you call suffering? is not suffering when you feel something, whereas feeling happy just gives you a bubbling feeling at the most? i mean, life is like a scale.....you can't have too much of one thing.....and as you can observe through everything...when you have tooo much of something....there is either no room to put it, or your body repells the extra that it has. having just enuff is sometimes better....

sighs, have i lost another friend? or has just stress got him annoyed? is this void i'm feeling going to last forever? will i loose another friend due to the way i am, friendly? will i loose another friend because i want to be happy? am i paranoid with loosing friends? am i paranoid with the constant reminder of my past? is it all my fault? args. whenever something goes wrong...this feeling that i have, it just can't be stopped. everything seems to be my fault. everything seems to be my problem. everything just seems to be what i inflict upon myself. i mean, pain that i feel is pain that i have created for myself. for example, if someone was beating me up, physically, it may really well hurt, but seriously, pain physically doesn't really kill unless it's internal anyways....i mean.....you cannot see your brain, your heart, your lungs, your emotions......and all these things, if damaged may never be the same. may never heal properly. and only when these are damaged are you seriously incapable. args...something's burning.....args.....fire in the house!!! fire in the house!!!! args args!!!!!! or maybe it's just me and my crazy thoughts.

philosophical.....wow.....am i what people say i? or is it just merely because i choose to think alot? what makes good philosophy is the knowledge that it applies it can and may applie in times of trouble and times of joy.....it's what makes someone well-rounded. args args.

taking a break from reading...args args...tired....well i actually have a christmas wish list now....it's not things that i need, it's just things that i like to look at or that i like to eat or something that i would like to wear.

so far on my count....i want
a digital camera, but that is only in my dreams....why not just use film?
an mp3 player, but why not just listen to the radio?
guylian chocolates...don't ask....i just like the white milk chocolate mixing into the dark milk chocolate.... or maybe lindor or ferro roche chocolates??? hm....how yummy....
egh....there's this scarf that i really want.....it's blue white and pink....hehehehe....
i want my lost pencil case bak, but it's not like people in my skool noe what it feels to loose something with sentimental value because most people in my skool is rich....
i want to spend a day with all my friends, my skool friends with my church friends and the friend/friends that i don't see to often.
i want my sister to be home to eat christmas din din...but i know that one will come true..she's coming home next week...muhahaha
hehehe....and so far.....i want a big big hug from everyone of my friends....so that's bout it...hehehehe

now on the count...what i must return for gifts this christmas....
i need to buy a gift for that secret santa thingy....i have...
i needed to buy a teddy bear for brian...hey, which i did very well....
i still need to buy a gift for matt....him and his stupid head phones..args...why am i sooo picky??? args args.....
i still need to knit bessie's scarf...grrr...
oh yes, i still have to start joy's scarf...luckily i have two days before christmas day i believe...args args.....
and in return....i will give hugs to everyone this christmas...or at least try.....cause if you know meh....hugs just ain't my thing...especially when it comes to hugging a girl...i feel sooo awkward...hehehe=>:D:P
and that's about it....if any of you want to buy me something...please tell me, because so far i'm down for the count money wise...and it's the heart that counts...but i don't have many people to buy for....halfly cause i ain't rich.

oh yes.....christmas is a far days away, but i still know why people like christmas time. as i've said before, they feel more love in the air during this season than most. yeah, have you ever noticed that the so called winter months or winter solstice has most of the holidays due with affection? i mean, in the summer, you don't have something like valentine's day or whatever. also at the same time, you see, life has a funny way of reminding things to you, during your hardest times, you first think of all the bad, but as you fall more into the pit, all you long for is to feel better, the way before you fell. that just goes for most people, those that continually see the darkness in the pit see nothing but the darkness. those that are faithful will know that there are better times ahead even if the present times look grim.....what life doesn't give you, you have to make for yourself.

yeah, i'll admit this, all my life i have been spoiled. all my life i have been this way, philosophical......args.....i've been reading soo much that my typing seems sooo wrong.......oh wellz.....

okayz...this quizzie made meh laugh my ass off.......if you read it...you'll either laugh at meh or laugh with meh....whatever...as long as you are laughing it is fine...muhahah


Optimism


What Kanji word best suits you?
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well, at this present moment, i'm very content in the way i feel right now. happy.....but is it happiness? hm. i'll just leave it at contentment. muhahaha=>:D:P well i haveta go and start reading tons and tons of like pagies in a novel, so my thoughts can't be tooo complex. hm....let's see....

well i see most suicidal people are either tooo gutless or just too stupid. don't ask meh....i mean...ask meh more q's if you like...but if you think i'm just being stupid....don't bother...muhahaha