trials and hardships

well i'm supposed to be reading a short story for like english.....it's by kafka....26 sum odd pagies long....but me sooo tired...

well n e whoo....back to procrastinating, well...every person in life goes through hardships and trials. it is meant to be a testing point of all the foundation you have based your own character upon. but somehow.....i don't seem to learn the valuable lessons that i am supposed to learn. i remain stupid. i grow bitter towards the world....it is very grey.....but i make the world into what i want it to be. the world is a me generation. it is about nothing and no one except self. sighs....i must not go into the philosphies of the world. sighs. but n e whoo....

well i'm no longer drop dead angry, i'm a little bit bitter and hurting. and with hurt comes all the sadness and depression. yeah, i can say i am depressed. args....

if i never feel, i would never think. and if i never thought, then i'd be a tool. i wouldn't be a human, i'd be a tool. i'd only do what is required of me and do it to the best of what people want of me. i am much tooo tired to think rationally.

emotions cannot be rationalized. never ever ever. well at least to me n e ways. sighs sighs. many things in the world are meant to make sense in the beginning, but towards the end, they loose it's clarity and impact. emotions on the other hand are things that first appear as senseless....it's only later on that we decipher our emotions and make sense of it later. there is no such thing as rationalizing emotions. and maybe it is your rationalizing of everything in your life that pisses me off. sighs. it is your life. the way you live your life is none of my business. you have made me bitter. much bitter than i had hoped to be. but i am bitter whether i wanted to or not. for now, it seems that i shall walk another ten year in my own shoes before something should make me happy. whatever. no biggie i suppose.....through that time, GOD'll teach me patience....

was talking to brian about rationalizing emotions....since i think this is what is driving me insane... and he's like.....no, you cannot rationalize emotions. no, you should not rationalize emotions. and no, emotions are not the same thing as logic. and because they are different, they cannot and should not be rationalized.

the world is now chaotic. it is a chaotic world. nothing in this world makes sense. it's only through the calamity that we can group a few of them together and try to make sense of it.

wow....bri seems really wise today.....but at least i know someone else agrees with me and i am not alone in all the thoughts that i have thought.

here he goes:
"just think of it this way, trying to rationalize it means overthinking it. and overthinking it shows lack of faith and trust. and if a relationship is like that, then its not strong at all.

therefore.....wow......

愛與誠

其實自己一個更開心　只等你講
其實大家早已嫌大家　卻扮忙
恨有多一點碰撞
然而無聊事幹　不敢打攪對方
要是你願意　誠實講一趟
彼此都起碼覺得釋放

不要哭　我也忍得了這些年來的委曲
沒法真心愛下去　只好真心真意的結束

＊別再做情人
　做隻貓　做隻狗　不做情人
　做隻寵物至少可愛迷人
　和你不瞅不睬　最終只會成為敵人
　(和你相交不淺　無謂明日會被你憎)

　淪為舊朋友
　是否又稱心　沒有心　只像閒人
　若有空　難道有空可接吻
　註定似過路人陌生　你怎麼手震
　(這預告　發自虔誠內心)＊

長期被逼戀愛也真比　失戀更慘
長期扮演若無其事般　更困難
是我專登反應慢
明明為時甚晚　牌一早該要攤
再像我伴侶　凝望多一眼
一生都將會記得今晚

REPEAT＊

對不起　自動分手　錯愕的你怕會傷感
麻木的我　現在也可轉台來賀你新生

REPEAT＊

by this artist....it's my fave song from his.....

semi-bruised knuckes

args args args....sighs sighs....my knuckes are kinda bruised up.....yeah....punched the wall closest to my pc yesterday....but yeah....guess where she punched....the stupid metal bar that aligns both peices of dry wall together=.= args....yeah...i'm sucha big fucking oaf=.= args=.=

some guys just don't ever take the risk, but, there is degree anti-persprant for those that do. hahaha. that commercial makes me laugh my ass off...hahaha...but i only agree to the first line of the entire commercial...sighs....

feeling really shitty.....and....my right hand kinda pinches every time i type with my third and fourth finger.....args.....yeah...it's supposed to rain today....my ankles are hurting=.=

sorry for the following profanity.....but....i need to get all my screams and frustration out.....sighs sighs....please ignore since they have absolutely no meaning whatesoever......

on second thought...what kinda image to i give myself for typing profanities over and over again?? sighs sighs....i'm just hurt and i want it all to go away.....sighs sighs....

selfish

and well....maybe i have just been selfish. i want everything to be as easy as i want it to be. no no....it's not an "i think" issue, it actually is. if being selfish is to be self concerned and only self concerned, i admit....sometimes i am. and maybe this is why i am upset. all my problems are caused by me. everyone understands why i feel sooo shitty these days. eveyrone understands that when i'm frustrated, when i'm upset, when i'm depressed, when i am truly happy, my reaction is to cry. but they don't understand why i have cried for sooo long. and in the same way....i don't understand why i am sooo upset....args...goin to take off contacts....pissing the heck outta me.....grrrrrr

well yes.....i wonder if i am actually doing n e thing today....because well.....if not....i'm gonna take a shower and sleep and just forget about all my plans and cry for the entire night....

i still feel shitty now.....church....wasn't bad today......but i still feel like crying. sighs sighs. i couldn't focus on the sermon. my mind just kept on going like, why can't i see it for myself. why can't i see it? why is it sooo clear to him? why can't i accept his fucking reason? why don't i understand and accept? is there a reason why i'm tormenting myself for this? why am i blaming myself? all throughout sermon i was holding back tears. why can't i let go? is there a reason why i can't let go? sighs sighs.

i almost started whacking myself in the head a few hundred times because i wanted these thoughts to get out. sighs.....i think i'm gonna sign myself up to go into an insane assylum if i start whacking myself....ahhhhhhhhhhhhh. sighs....

even my smiles bring me tears...sighs sighs...

another stolen entry

well......i just love cat's entries.....and i give credite to her.....this post is hers too. *shivers* hope she doesn't kill me for posting it on my site too.....*shivers* but i know she won't kill me....she just summed up everything that i'm thinking right now soooo well.....i do not have the eloquence to string words in the way she did.....gonna tweak some of the words so it sounds more sabbyish....

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Appearances are not here to stay...
Materialistic grants are not everlasting...
Intelligence does not mean it is ethical...

There have been people in my life that are or were only attracted to materialistic satisfaction...

It is easy to be attracted to someone's appearance, wealth, intelligence or profession...
But as your relationship progresses to the next stage, there must be something more than just surfacial qualities that attracts you to him/her. That is if, you want this relationship to last.

She/he can't look as good as she/he are now forever. Everyone will grow old.
There is no guarantee that she/he will not meet any financial problems...Does this mean when $=0 then Love=0?

She/he may have a good profession, but it does not mean that she/he has a good heart.

She may be dressed with the most up to date fashion needs everytime you see her, he may bring you to dine at the most exquisite restaurants everytime you date...but when in a crisis, and fails to attract you...is it over?
There must be something that still attracts you in a crisis!

Look deeper in a person...people hate to change. A person's personality and character is instilled in her/him since youth...
A person's personality determines how she/he is going to treat you...
A person's character determines how she/he is going to overcome a crisis with you.

When surfacial satisfaction subsides to the bottom of the list, and you get attracted to the person for who he/she is...you will realize, that you will be so much more happier...

I realized that the more I get to know his personality, the more I get attracted to him...

appreciate the beauty of someone...
and you will realize that you will stop judging him/her...and you will be satisfied because you are attracted to him/her for who he/she actually is. not what you want him/her to be...

Have you found someone like that yet?
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ten rules fo lasting relationship

stealing entries from cat=.= should really stop this...but i thought it was really cute...muhahahahaha.....was ubber cute...muhahaha

Ten Rules for a lasting relationship

1. Never both be angry at the same time.
2. Never yell at each other unless the house is on fire.
3. If one of you has to win an argument, let it be your mate.
4. If you must criticize, do it lovingly.
5. Never bring up mistakes of the past.
6. Neglect the whole world rather than each other.
7. Never go to sleep with an argument unsettled.
8. At least once every day say a kind or complimentary word to your life partner (but be sure to mean it).
9. When you have done something wrong, admit it and ask for forgiveness.
10. Remember it takes two to make a quarrel.