trials and hardships

well i'm supposed to be reading a short story for like english.....it's by kafka....26 sum odd pagies long....but me sooo tired...

well n e whoo....back to procrastinating, well...every person in life goes through hardships and trials. it is meant to be a testing point of all the foundation you have based your own character upon. but somehow.....i don't seem to learn the valuable lessons that i am supposed to learn. i remain stupid. i grow bitter towards the world....it is very grey.....but i make the world into what i want it to be. the world is a me generation. it is about nothing and no one except self. sighs....i must not go into the philosphies of the world. sighs. but n e whoo....

well i'm no longer drop dead angry, i'm a little bit bitter and hurting. and with hurt comes all the sadness and depression. yeah, i can say i am depressed. args....

if i never feel, i would never think. and if i never thought, then i'd be a tool. i wouldn't be a human, i'd be a tool. i'd only do what is required of me and do it to the best of what people want of me. i am much tooo tired to think rationally.

emotions cannot be rationalized. never ever ever. well at least to me n e ways. sighs sighs. many things in the world are meant to make sense in the beginning, but towards the end, they loose it's clarity and impact. emotions on the other hand are things that first appear as senseless....it's only later on that we decipher our emotions and make sense of it later. there is no such thing as rationalizing emotions. and maybe it is your rationalizing of everything in your life that pisses me off. sighs. it is your life. the way you live your life is none of my business. you have made me bitter. much bitter than i had hoped to be. but i am bitter whether i wanted to or not. for now, it seems that i shall walk another ten year in my own shoes before something should make me happy. whatever. no biggie i suppose.....through that time, GOD'll teach me patience....

was talking to brian about rationalizing emotions....since i think this is what is driving me insane... and he's like.....no, you cannot rationalize emotions. no, you should not rationalize emotions. and no, emotions are not the same thing as logic. and because they are different, they cannot and should not be rationalized.

the world is now chaotic. it is a chaotic world. nothing in this world makes sense. it's only through the calamity that we can group a few of them together and try to make sense of it.

wow....bri seems really wise today.....but at least i know someone else agrees with me and i am not alone in all the thoughts that i have thought.

here he goes:
"just think of it this way, trying to rationalize it means overthinking it. and overthinking it shows lack of faith and trust. and if a relationship is like that, then its not strong at all.

therefore.....wow......