each stab to kill

maybe it's not intentional.......but each time someone hurts you......i hurt with or without you knowing it.

i agree with both sides.....i may not understand why both of them do what they do.....but still....sighs sighs.......i can't help but to not see the full picture....

i know what is right....but yet that's not what i'm standing for!!!!

heartburn

args....i thought heartburn didn't happen to young people. i thought heartburn was known as some sort of stomache reflux disease. blah....if it is.....i have it....or maybe it's just cause of my emotions that i feel like this. oh wellz......

i'll love both parties....no one has done n e thing to ME to think otherwise. sighs sighs.

sorry, but i honestly just don't see the picture as that black and white.....

with this situation, i'm conflicted with emotions and morals such as, loyalty, friendship, compassion, love, drive, desire.....

crying constantly

my heart is drowning with tears. but i think i've grown accustomed to my own pain for some reason. args. when i feel like crying, i normally feel indigestion. and then when i'm conflicted, i feel like choking. so basically, i'm feeling indigestion and a choking feeling like my air way is being blocked. i'm trying to take deep breaths, but it ain't working. i end up taking short and staggered breaths.

i don't know what made me do it.....but i just had to.

willy's exact words......"dont get involved too much. it isnt ur problem. byye"

and yeah, those words aren't even from the same situation, it's just feeling that i'm feeling. the place where i feel like i'm being put now. a place where my emotions are completely standing on end. it's the situation where i feel my friendships with two parties are being compromised because i can't sort between my loyalties. i don't know, words that he said to me i find well....rather comforting.....i think that's what i needed to hear......or maybe from him n e ways. i mean, bri's said the same thing to me.......val said it to me more than just once too!!

what makes something he saids to me sooo much more different? args....holy shit.....no!

well, that comes to no surprise to me n e ways......but meh.....that's why i bought mr. Wei Wei foxy. just a memory...something that goes away, but never completely unless i get old or amnesia.

Wrong and Right

i know what is right, but will i be able to do it?
if i am put into the situation to defend or stand back, what would i do?
What makes standing for is right this time make the decision such a hard one?
i'm being paranoid.....someone take me away from all this paranoia.....it's raising my heart rate levels...i can feel it.
i don't understand......why am i so emotionally conflicted? it shouldn't be sooo difficult! i know what is right, why don't i just do what is right?!?!? why why why?!!?!?

sighs sighs, all i feel like doing now is crying one explosive wail and see what happens next. sighs sighs. but tears still don't come to my face. oh wellz, maybe it's still not great enough.

when will all this stupidity stop?!?!? when will all this crap come to an end? when will i stop being sooo paranoid?!?! args....

this burden isn't something that i'm supposed to carry. this burden wasn't even made for me. and if it is...i'm just making it heavier.

well yeah.....i'm oging to avoid all my friends. i'm trying to stay a hermit this school year. well there will be the odd random occassion where i'll go out with my friends, i just wanna keep most of my friends away from my problems as much as possible. i know if that i see them because i need to get out.....it will only result to blurting stupid things.

Scared

sighs sighs.

i'm paranoid. sighs sighs

i'm becoming more and more conflicted.

sighs sighs, val once said that she thought i would give up love for a friend....sighs sighs....is this what i haveta test myself up against?!?!?

sighs sighs.

i need val!!!!....i'm already talking to bri boi. keke^^:D:P

tired.

well, tonight i haveta go to sleep early. i don't know why, but i'm like completely exhausted today.

well, i have a personal goal. i don't care who the hell is going to be after me, i'll be as prepared as i can.

the first and best self-defense is to run like you have no tomorrow. so in order to do so, i haveta like be fit as hell! yupz yupz, you heard me, this 128 pound girl hasta loose more weight or gain more muscle ga la! yupz yupz

yeah, i don't see things as black and white as p, b and j see it. oh that's funny, just looking at that, my few great friends can make a sandwich with their first name initials!!! keke^^:D:P

you see....p for him.....b for him.....and j for her....keke^^:D:P soooo funnay ga la!!! keke^^:D:P

of course this doesn't include alot of other people that are my great friends. oh wellz.

yupz yupz....tired.....blah