well sabina finally has enough song to have an english list of songs. ain't ya proud of her?!?! keke^^:D:P but let's just say that for every one english song i have, i have like 10 for that one....so egh....that just says alot..... considering that i only have like 3 hours worth of english music and i have like 26 hours worth of chinese music. makes me laugh soo hard...
oh yes....haven't counted the japanese and korean songs i have....but most times....i try to stay away from those songs n e ways....since i can't understand it. i dunno, i find that a song is more enjoyable to myself when i understand the lyrics plus the music.....meh...that's just me...
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.
Tuesday, January 11, 2005
old memories...
looking at old memories...basically reading my old emails and whatnot....i haven't forgotten that i still haven't accepted your apology. because i feel that if i didn't tell you how upset i was, you wouldn't have cared at all. and reading it over and over again, you say sorry for what you feel to be your own failures.
if i hadn't sent that email...what would have you done?!?! meh.....well i won't question the past because i did sent it.....meh....
even though looking back at times.....like some other person that i've talked too....and how he wishes that life were back to happier times like in mca in grade 8. dunno.....
how you can only ever wish to turn back the hands of time, but you may never be able to. meh.....
these days.....i've given myself another chance to improve. for now, it's working. staying unattached as possible, but as attatched as i wish to be is working for me. i fulfill my own need to be around people and feel their caring and me....to give my caring away and show my love.......i dunno....maybe people feel like i'm isolating myself....but at the present moment...this has caused me to feel totally satisfied with my life. no big stresses besides the trivial issue of university and school....
if i hadn't sent that email...what would have you done?!?! meh.....well i won't question the past because i did sent it.....meh....
even though looking back at times.....like some other person that i've talked too....and how he wishes that life were back to happier times like in mca in grade 8. dunno.....
how you can only ever wish to turn back the hands of time, but you may never be able to. meh.....
these days.....i've given myself another chance to improve. for now, it's working. staying unattached as possible, but as attatched as i wish to be is working for me. i fulfill my own need to be around people and feel their caring and me....to give my caring away and show my love.......i dunno....maybe people feel like i'm isolating myself....but at the present moment...this has caused me to feel totally satisfied with my life. no big stresses besides the trivial issue of university and school....
satisfied...
pleased.....now i'm drinking my two bottles of water at night as usual...yeah.....it was like torture to drink two bottles of water before all in one sitting. but now, i'm less hungree these days....but i'm always thirsty....oh wellz....water, juice and milk...all good
*Shakes fist*
grrr....in anger, words are spit out without the acknowledge of speech patterns. why don't people understand that if you don't want to do something, don't do it if you will complain about it?!?!? grrr. i mean....i volunteer to wake up early and drive myself to and from school and even pick my father up from work....but no.....instead....my mother says, i'll pick you up. and then she gets all defensive and crap about it and say, you know, it's not manditory that i pick you up.
shit man, if you keep on saying shit like that.....then well you know what??? really in life....you can't and shouldn't rely on n e one except yourself. i ask whether or not you can do something for me, not commanding it. if you said no, i'm totally fine with that....maybe a little ego hurt, but hey....i'd get over it. maybe there is tooo much of a traditional view of how my parents see things and the way i see things still. they will never understand me 100% even when they claim that they know things better than even myself. that is pure and total bs. no one here can ever know you more than you know yourself. yes, you can know someone more than you know yourself, but it's impossible for someone to know yourself better than yourself. i mean, at times that may be how it feels, but really, it's not true. grrr.
i am sooo angry at my mommy right now. i mean i love her and all....but no, she still doesn't see how much i've changed. noooooo, she still doesn't see that i don't think the same way i used to like when i was 6 or sumthing. i mean.....yes, i admit....oakville is a stupid white town full of alot of that "snobby factor", but that's because we don't get to know every individual person in the town....heck, that goes for almost every community...if you don't get to know the community...you will always feeled shunned. and you know what?!?! it's because i went to st. luke that i have hated where i live now for sooo long, but through these recent like past 2 years....i see it ain't that bad. but no, my mother doesn't see this view change, she still thinks i hate it here.....meh....i mean...there are occasions that i just wanna run away and never come back...but hey....i'm a teen and i have my idealistic ideas. grrrr
yes, i'm a lazy little bitch child that likes to stay home, sleep, eat and sleep some more. yeah....i'm lazy like that. but it's not like i don't do chores around the house. i mean, maybe i don't do the laundry, but i do cook, wash the dishes, sweep, mop, vaccuum, and occasionally do the laundry when i'm asked too. and that is a big improvement than the way i used to be. but no, my mommy doesn't see that.....in her mind she still does everything.....
grrr....
i hate the idea of university. my mom keeps saying that what i want to become is a useless path and i'm gonna die an old hag that's gone no where with my life. does she no how much it hurts me to hear that?!?!? i mean.....she always starts off like this...."sabina, i don't want you wasting your life away. i don't think what you are going into is the right thing for you." and then eventually it goes to this...."sabina, you are worthless. you can't make the right decisions for yourself..." so on and so on...
shit man, if you keep on saying shit like that.....then well you know what??? really in life....you can't and shouldn't rely on n e one except yourself. i ask whether or not you can do something for me, not commanding it. if you said no, i'm totally fine with that....maybe a little ego hurt, but hey....i'd get over it. maybe there is tooo much of a traditional view of how my parents see things and the way i see things still. they will never understand me 100% even when they claim that they know things better than even myself. that is pure and total bs. no one here can ever know you more than you know yourself. yes, you can know someone more than you know yourself, but it's impossible for someone to know yourself better than yourself. i mean, at times that may be how it feels, but really, it's not true. grrr.
i am sooo angry at my mommy right now. i mean i love her and all....but no, she still doesn't see how much i've changed. noooooo, she still doesn't see that i don't think the same way i used to like when i was 6 or sumthing. i mean.....yes, i admit....oakville is a stupid white town full of alot of that "snobby factor", but that's because we don't get to know every individual person in the town....heck, that goes for almost every community...if you don't get to know the community...you will always feeled shunned. and you know what?!?! it's because i went to st. luke that i have hated where i live now for sooo long, but through these recent like past 2 years....i see it ain't that bad. but no, my mother doesn't see this view change, she still thinks i hate it here.....meh....i mean...there are occasions that i just wanna run away and never come back...but hey....i'm a teen and i have my idealistic ideas. grrrr
yes, i'm a lazy little bitch child that likes to stay home, sleep, eat and sleep some more. yeah....i'm lazy like that. but it's not like i don't do chores around the house. i mean, maybe i don't do the laundry, but i do cook, wash the dishes, sweep, mop, vaccuum, and occasionally do the laundry when i'm asked too. and that is a big improvement than the way i used to be. but no, my mommy doesn't see that.....in her mind she still does everything.....
grrr....
i hate the idea of university. my mom keeps saying that what i want to become is a useless path and i'm gonna die an old hag that's gone no where with my life. does she no how much it hurts me to hear that?!?!? i mean.....she always starts off like this...."sabina, i don't want you wasting your life away. i don't think what you are going into is the right thing for you." and then eventually it goes to this...."sabina, you are worthless. you can't make the right decisions for yourself..." so on and so on...
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