*Shakes fist*

grrr....in anger, words are spit out without the acknowledge of speech patterns. why don't people understand that if you don't want to do something, don't do it if you will complain about it?!?!? grrr. i mean....i volunteer to wake up early and drive myself to and from school and even pick my father up from work....but no.....instead....my mother says, i'll pick you up. and then she gets all defensive and crap about it and say, you know, it's not manditory that i pick you up.

shit man, if you keep on saying shit like that.....then well you know what??? really in life....you can't and shouldn't rely on n e one except yourself. i ask whether or not you can do something for me, not commanding it. if you said no, i'm totally fine with that....maybe a little ego hurt, but hey....i'd get over it. maybe there is tooo much of a traditional view of how my parents see things and the way i see things still. they will never understand me 100% even when they claim that they know things better than even myself. that is pure and total bs. no one here can ever know you more than you know yourself. yes, you can know someone more than you know yourself, but it's impossible for someone to know yourself better than yourself. i mean, at times that may be how it feels, but really, it's not true. grrr.

i am sooo angry at my mommy right now. i mean i love her and all....but no, she still doesn't see how much i've changed. noooooo, she still doesn't see that i don't think the same way i used to like when i was 6 or sumthing. i mean.....yes, i admit....oakville is a stupid white town full of alot of that "snobby factor", but that's because we don't get to know every individual person in the town....heck, that goes for almost every community...if you don't get to know the community...you will always feeled shunned. and you know what?!?! it's because i went to st. luke that i have hated where i live now for sooo long, but through these recent like past 2 years....i see it ain't that bad. but no, my mother doesn't see this view change, she still thinks i hate it here.....meh....i mean...there are occasions that i just wanna run away and never come back...but hey....i'm a teen and i have my idealistic ideas. grrrr

yes, i'm a lazy little bitch child that likes to stay home, sleep, eat and sleep some more. yeah....i'm lazy like that. but it's not like i don't do chores around the house. i mean, maybe i don't do the laundry, but i do cook, wash the dishes, sweep, mop, vaccuum, and occasionally do the laundry when i'm asked too. and that is a big improvement than the way i used to be. but no, my mommy doesn't see that.....in her mind she still does everything.....

grrr....

i hate the idea of university. my mom keeps saying that what i want to become is a useless path and i'm gonna die an old hag that's gone no where with my life. does she no how much it hurts me to hear that?!?!? i mean.....she always starts off like this...."sabina, i don't want you wasting your life away. i don't think what you are going into is the right thing for you." and then eventually it goes to this...."sabina, you are worthless. you can't make the right decisions for yourself..." so on and so on...