has anyone once told you about what hope is? now, i don't want to give you a dictionary definition. but as the way i see it. yeah, i am an opinionated freak, and if you have any problems with that, you can just hunt me down, stalk me and then shoot me. i mean, i'm not inviting you to do so, but just for me to warn you, there are more than just one of me out there. there are tons more that think about everything. well, it's not that i am opinionated.....or maybe the correct term for it is that i just have alot on my mind....and these are not just opinions.

i had the most weirdest dream last night. and don't even ask me what it was. it was just desturbing, and i will not picture what i saw in my sleep. you may say that i lust, and therefore i see, but is that subconscious or consciously? sighs sighs. can i be forgiven? but i cannot only because i do not fogive self. yet i ask for forgiveness and do what i ask to be forgiven of over and over again. why can human errors not change? i mean, they can, but it takes more time. as a person, a human expects change tooo rapidly. one wants to much and become unsatisfied with what they have received. did you purposely leave the receipt in their? hm. there are 4 types of people when it comes to gifts.

1) they have no heart into it, and they only buy what they want thinking that you would like the gift too
2) they put thought into the gift buying, but have no heart and end up buying what they like knowing that the other person will like it too
3) the one that spends much time in searching for the right gift, finding the right amount to save up for it and buying it knowing that it's what they want and it's for sure
4) the last type, what people would call cheap gifts, but is made with the most amount of time and heart and effort, something that is made to the most perfect way that human hands can get an object to be.

now basically, this also breaks into how much a person spends when it comes to buying gifts. person three would most likely spend the most and person number four would spend the less. but the fact is, besides really close friends and family, rarely does one spend so much time in shopping for the item the person knows they want. hm. let's just say, it's normally a gift that was asked for more than was just given. so unless person number one and two were rich, it is most likely that a gift is not past 100 mark at our age. but this really doesn't matter, you prolly don't want people to give you gifts that you know they only bought for themselves. i mean, a gift is a gift, but not all gifts should be taken. it's the moral of the concept, and i have many. i mean, at the time, i can be quite ignorant, i've accepted many of these types of gifts, where people only buy for themselves.....i not caring what it was at the time accepted because i thought it came from the bottom of their hearts. turning my head to think, i know what type of person i am. i'm down right cheap when it comes to giving gifts to people. i don't like shopping for others, but i don't like to go shopping just for myself. so in the time of a shopping spree, i spend one or two items for others looking like a big person, while the reason behind the spending is only because i don't want to buy for myself. i once said that i'd give my world away, and i've come to notice that it is for selfish reasons that i give it away.

hm. haven't really been doing much this holiday. haveta start on my homework though. hm.

it's sweet. hehehe=.:D:P and i think you all know what i'm talking about, or at least those that i've talked to about or know what i'm saying is sweet. hehehe=>:D:P it's boxing day now. hm. i'm kinda tired and i should sleep, but i'm in no mood, my teeth hurt. args args.

well some people say there is more than just a lil sumthing behind all of it when it comes to giving gifts, and i really believe, christmas isn't the only time for gifts. gifts can and should be given year round. maybe in that way, love will be seen through every action, every thought, ever word. in a sense, maybe some times a person's emotion/ affection for someone does not merely have to be represented by the gift that they spend time to search, but rather, the actions from the heart. it's once said in the bible that the tongue only speaks what the heart cannot. well i may be interpreting it wrong, but egh....those are how i translate it in my mind. or at least at the time. Christmas is not a time only for gift exchange. Christmas is not the only time where families' should get together and have a united family dinner. i swear. some people just odn't understand. yeah, i know that Christmas is a christian holiday, but who really gives a damn if you are christian or not....wait....i take bak those words....for i am christian....and i care if you aren't or not. are not all religions teaching the same thing? well with a minor exception to satanist and it's divisions, all religions say that you should treat unto others as you would have treated unto yourself. it's just the golden unspoken rule. in this generation, the golden rule of treating others is being forgotten. will my children suffer because i see a different way in living? why am i worrying about the future?

my sister isn't home yet, and she'll prolly come home at one again. args. she's gonna be getting a yelling from mommy and daddy tom again. args....why can she stay till 12 and not get yelled at as of myself...i can't even stay out till 10? oh wellz. she's older. supposed to be more mature and able to handle situations better. so i won't argue, my parents only want the best of me. i'm really trying hard this year to be a better daughter. i suppose you can say it's my new years resolution, but it's not for just this year i am trying, i will try for my life i suppose. i have a temper problems, i'm a spoiled brat, and i always get my way. i will try harder so that i won't get my way and others get theirs. in a way you may say i'm being irrational and not understanding the concept, but i tell you, there's a reasoning behind every action. it's not for you to know the reason, but to see the action. the action is for you to interpret. nothing more can be done to change your mind if you have already set your mind to something.