blah......i am feeling more confined in my head. this is sucha pain in the ass. args args. well n e whoo......my ear is hurting like a bitch. blah.
feeling lonely as usual. blah. no big deal now is it? it's sooo common that it's no big issue n e more. oh wellz. jo's working...ray's sick......val's at laura's.....bri's on his way home....cat's doing her assigment....sighs sighs. i'm feeling shitty. blah....
args.....is it an ear infection or simply just that my hearing is getting bad? sighs sighs.
i'd give you my heart, but everyone seems to like to trample on it. sighs sighs. oh wellz. being happy takes too much energy. sighs sighs.
i'm gonna fail calculus. i've stopped trying. sighs sighs. i suck. why am i sooo bad at math? sighs sighs.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.
Saturday, November 06, 2004
crazy
writing randomly as if there will be no words that appear in my mind ever again. nothing means what i say. no one could understand all the thoughts going through my head over and over again. history will always repeat itself. but by being afraid of the past, you are ruining your own future. feelings cannot be controlled. thoughts are like a ticking time bomb. i care tooo much, but it's not like n e one else does. everyone wants to run away. everyone never wants to face reality. there are so many people lost and blind. i'm so hypocritical. just get started and everything else will feel much easier. but then again, everything is getting harder and harder? love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control, where have all these things gone? no one notices me. i stand in the corner wanting to walk away, but trapped within the walls. what love is in the world? everything in this world is moving, but yet i don't feel to be moving at all. i feel sooo small. your face haunts me. i see you in my sleep time after time. where are you and where am i? the rain pours. what have i done so wrong that everything is a punishment? wanting to fly and soar, but to where and when? my weakness has caused you pain hasn't it? i am saying sorry for things i don't even know why. things that don't kill you always make you stronger. how so? hoping that i will never see you in my sleep ever again. sighs. i don't want to remember. i don't wanna see or talk or do anything n e more. i just don't wanna. get this all away. having no clue what the hell i'm writing. just writing as if there will be no time tomorrow to write. things in my head going around in circles. sequence and schedule and routines are things that many people live by. i'm hoping to have a new beginning. wanting to loose everything close to the shore so it washes all my pains and sorrows away. everything will be okay tomorrow. will n e one catch me at the bottom of the cliff? will i die or still be alive at the end of all this? dying seems such a trivial matter. blah. here i go trying to leave all this behind. sighs sighs.
don't know half the shit that i wrote up there. been writing nothing. blah. past, present and future.....blah...bull crap....
don't know half the shit that i wrote up there. been writing nothing. blah. past, present and future.....blah...bull crap....
bad day
haven't been feeling like i should study. args....gots a stupid assignment to be doing for society. this time...i'll make up my results i suppose...ew......daddy music...args....stupid music that i didn't remember to delete...ew.....
sigh sighs. blah....think i'm feeling shitty all over again. blah......
crummy day n e one?
it's not like any one cares about all this shit that happens in this world.
i am not a delinquent as most people think. i am stubborn yes.....
don't want n e thing to happen. i just want things the way they used to be.
i was happy and everyone else was happy.
no problems were ever around. sighs sighs.
do people even know me? do people know you? are you just hiding from me because you just don't want me to see and know? sighs sighs. everything spinning in my head like theres no way out. all these memories that just come rushing again and again. it would be nice for you to show that you cared. it's great that some people could make you feel sooo great and then just drop you to your death. why is everyone so cruel? why is human nature so uncaring? why is everyone so concerned about themselves? there's no future with me and you. there was nothing to ever begin. why bother when everything is just going to end up in a disaster? it's not like n e one could ever give me what i want. feeling rather empty as most people in depression do. blah.
stupid people talking bout stupid shit. people look at you as if they know you. people judge you by just looking at you. people hate you even before getting to know you. all eyes are on you. everyone's judging you just the way you look. you can't look away because you'll see someone else's eyes looking back into you. wanting to run, but your feet feel glued to the floor.
frustrated and confused is the state i remain. halucinating and fantisizing because nothing ever goes my way. tooo foolish and stubborn for my own good. nothing i do goes my way. crazy crazy crazy is just the way i feel. nothing you do or say can make me not feel this way. all these stares all these eyes...all this attention. but then again, what attention is this since no one cares to begin with. blah....
sigh sighs. blah....think i'm feeling shitty all over again. blah......
crummy day n e one?
it's not like any one cares about all this shit that happens in this world.
i am not a delinquent as most people think. i am stubborn yes.....
don't want n e thing to happen. i just want things the way they used to be.
i was happy and everyone else was happy.
no problems were ever around. sighs sighs.
do people even know me? do people know you? are you just hiding from me because you just don't want me to see and know? sighs sighs. everything spinning in my head like theres no way out. all these memories that just come rushing again and again. it would be nice for you to show that you cared. it's great that some people could make you feel sooo great and then just drop you to your death. why is everyone so cruel? why is human nature so uncaring? why is everyone so concerned about themselves? there's no future with me and you. there was nothing to ever begin. why bother when everything is just going to end up in a disaster? it's not like n e one could ever give me what i want. feeling rather empty as most people in depression do. blah.
stupid people talking bout stupid shit. people look at you as if they know you. people judge you by just looking at you. people hate you even before getting to know you. all eyes are on you. everyone's judging you just the way you look. you can't look away because you'll see someone else's eyes looking back into you. wanting to run, but your feet feel glued to the floor.
frustrated and confused is the state i remain. halucinating and fantisizing because nothing ever goes my way. tooo foolish and stubborn for my own good. nothing i do goes my way. crazy crazy crazy is just the way i feel. nothing you do or say can make me not feel this way. all these stares all these eyes...all this attention. but then again, what attention is this since no one cares to begin with. blah....
sighs sighs
another update. another hour? i have no idea how long i studied for. but all i know is that i'm gonna fail this up coming calculus test and those to fail. sighs sighs. i'm sooo upset at my stupid not understanding math skills.
i'm sooo unpleasant today. i just started to yell at my daddy today cause all he wanted to eat was stupid instant noodles. args.....
my mr. wei wei foxy is looking at me ga la. keke^^:D:P man....i find foxes sooo cute. crap....why?!?!
oh wellz. n e whoo.....what's up with the world n e ways? everyone seems to be feeling soo miserable lately. it's sooo sad. sighs sighs. but there's nothing that can be done i suppose.
oh wellz. keke^^:D:P think i'm getting the car on monday....and maybe the rest of the week. i don't know. but normally on friday's i like to go straight home.
maybe on the 19th if i have the car i'll go pick up cat and go do something!!! yippee!!!!
i'm sooo unpleasant today. i just started to yell at my daddy today cause all he wanted to eat was stupid instant noodles. args.....
my mr. wei wei foxy is looking at me ga la. keke^^:D:P man....i find foxes sooo cute. crap....why?!?!
oh wellz. n e whoo.....what's up with the world n e ways? everyone seems to be feeling soo miserable lately. it's sooo sad. sighs sighs. but there's nothing that can be done i suppose.
oh wellz. keke^^:D:P think i'm getting the car on monday....and maybe the rest of the week. i don't know. but normally on friday's i like to go straight home.
maybe on the 19th if i have the car i'll go pick up cat and go do something!!! yippee!!!!
studying
stupid stupid calc. i feel like sucha nerd. but then again, i really really wanna pass this stupid stupid test and get a higher higher mark.
well ne whoo....i gotsta go study now. sighs sighs. feeling lonely and depressed. nothing to look forward to now...so yeah......gotsta go to sleep.....l8a l8a....
well ne whoo....i gotsta go study now. sighs sighs. feeling lonely and depressed. nothing to look forward to now...so yeah......gotsta go to sleep.....l8a l8a....
ear infection
shit....fuck....args....i have such a headache. >.<
yeah.....well no wonder my hearing has been sooo shitty all the time. my ear is like literally leaking fluids!!!! it's sooo disgusting. my left ear is swollen. :'( it's sooo sad.
hm.,....utterly confused emotionally
to val...holy shit...i found this cute frenchie that plays ddr even better than you do!!!! holy shit...he can play maniac mode for every song!!!!! >.< yeah...he has this cute accent. funny bed head styled hair. keke^^:D:P and egh....he has these like egh.....rectangular frames...not thick rimmed...just aluminum alloy i think. keke^^:D:P he's egh....rather build.....the six pack, the nice arms.....and well added on to all that...he has that accent!!!! keke^^:D:P it's cute.
well n e whoo....i got my cell working now. i have money in it. since i'm in the basement most of the time, there's no reception. so yeah. my cell....(416) 829- 4567. don't call me unless you've called home first okie?!?! so yeah. oh yeah, i can also talk on the phone when i'm driving, cause i already have a head set. keke^^:D:P
well n e whoo.....i can't really listen to music muchie or talkie on the phone right now cause well since i have an ear infection, every other word would cause me to say "pardon me? what was it you just said?" so yeah.....grrr...
yeah.....well no wonder my hearing has been sooo shitty all the time. my ear is like literally leaking fluids!!!! it's sooo disgusting. my left ear is swollen. :'( it's sooo sad.
hm.,....utterly confused emotionally
to val...holy shit...i found this cute frenchie that plays ddr even better than you do!!!! holy shit...he can play maniac mode for every song!!!!! >.< yeah...he has this cute accent. funny bed head styled hair. keke^^:D:P and egh....he has these like egh.....rectangular frames...not thick rimmed...just aluminum alloy i think. keke^^:D:P he's egh....rather build.....the six pack, the nice arms.....and well added on to all that...he has that accent!!!! keke^^:D:P it's cute.
well n e whoo....i got my cell working now. i have money in it. since i'm in the basement most of the time, there's no reception. so yeah. my cell....(416) 829- 4567. don't call me unless you've called home first okie?!?! so yeah. oh yeah, i can also talk on the phone when i'm driving, cause i already have a head set. keke^^:D:P
well n e whoo.....i can't really listen to music muchie or talkie on the phone right now cause well since i have an ear infection, every other word would cause me to say "pardon me? what was it you just said?" so yeah.....grrr...
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