words tooo rarely said
i love u
i miss you
thank you very much
i'm sorry
there are many things you should think about
there are many things you should care about
there are things you should not even know about
never dig a pit for yourself, you never know if you can climb out
you are never deserted and alone unless u first desert yourself
you are the only one who knows who you are, and who you are not
how can you expect others to solve your problems when you don't really even know what they are?
i love you
i miss you
thank you very much
i'm sorry
say things that u do not say very often to others that you care about
stop saying the words you say over and over again
meaingless, meaningless, why are you being this way?
you know how you are supposed to be and how you should not be
now since you know, now live it out

freedom of speech. expressions. i guess some actions do speak louder than words. than, facial and body language is very loud den. hahaha=.:d look into my eyes. what do u see? prolly not enuff. but oh wellz. i dun wantchu looking into my eyes. hahaha=>:D well i guess i'm feeling alot better now......alot better. hahaha=>:D i geuss dat's cause i'm actually like focussing on sumthing now. like myself and concentrating on being happy. my eyes hurt from crying soo muchie. guess i care just way toooooooooooo muchie, it's bad now........i'd rather feel hurt than be cold. i am very extreme. i dunno why, but i noe nothing inbetween hurt and coldness. i see nothing as a maybe....and when i say maybe....it's normally a yes......so therefore....i am extreme......very extreme.....well love u all......and u all are still my pillar of stregnth be cause i noe my jar of stregnth is way too low, so meh gonna go now. maybe forever, prolly not......becuase i will live, i will survive. yupz.....i ain't useless....i noe i ain't.....no one has deserted me. only i have deserted my self in a hot desert sumwhere without much to rely on. so.....the next entry.....hopefully will be of happiness and ain't of sadness and despair. the world is a place of darkness, ain't as dark as how i vision it......so therefore....i should be happier rite??? well hahaha=>:D i'm slowly, very gradually getting outta it now.....well luv u all....XOXOXOXO.....hahaha=>:D

those who actually read my thoughts. or at least those i want to read my thoughts. i just wanna say i'm sorry. sorry for being such a depressing piece of sh!t. i really should learn to get over things more quickly. i really should stop caring bout soo much. i'm falling....falling....falling....and hit the bottom the the pit which i thought wuz bottomless. i've fallen soo far under ground that it's sooo cold i can't feel n e thing. and i'm serious. i guess all who've actually fallen down soo deep would noe what i mean. my mind runs to thoughts of suicide. SUICIDE......a thought always on my mind. i'm one of the most suicidal peeps i've ever known in my own lyphe. but i never take action.....and i guess u peeps who want meh to live should be glad dat i dun take action. those who want meh here, i'm glad that u do. those that get mad because i'm a depressing piece of sh!t.....well i'm glad that u care bout sumthing.

i've never felt sooo useless in my lyphe!!! even when i wuz about to like jump off the cliff!!! and i mean never!!!! never have i!!!!! i guess in da same sense, i let myself fall soo far down. i'm just a big lazy ass that takes no action. i'm soo contridictory. very. rite at this moment, i feel nothing, but everything at the same time. i hate everything, but yet i still love. weird aye??? i can't really describe it. i guess i just let things get to meh and dun do n e thing to stop it from getting to meh. i feel like an idiot and anyone who noes meh noes dat i ain't da brightest star, but nor am i very dull. i can still spread light. my light is still dim. i dun let myself shine too bright, but why do i do that? can n e one answer dese stupid q's for me? i guess not, considering dat i am me and i will always be me and only i can answer these questions. maybe i should be like a person who goes on a quest. a quest to search for myself. sound soo good. i believe i'm just in dat stage of lyphe where everything is blown out of proportion. maybe i should stop knowing and put all thins knowledge into action. shouldn't i? i'm the biggest liar and hypocrite u'll ever noe or see. and that i'm sooo serious of. hahaha=>:D in a few days, u can already jump to the conclusions that i'm the most depressing piece of sh!t u've ever met, u ain't wrong, but u ain't completely rite eitha. i have many happy times, i should live in the moment, and when i do, i noe dat i have a good lyphe. i have tons of peeps dat'll always care bout me. i have tons of peeps dat are always ere for meh.

all to the end, i'm going to jump off the cliff, but u peeps who still care are extrememly lucky, i have a bungy cord to pull meh bak up. so hold ur breath. the scarry part ain't jumping. it's if the rope snaps. just watch and see. i guess my cord are my friends, my family, my faith. so therefore, u peeps have nothing to fear, love never fails, faith never dies.

aw bri......i came to ur pagie, and u just cheered meh up. maybe not a huge huge thing, but u noe what.....it's still quite big deal to meh. no one really tries to cheer meh up n e more.....i've just become so emotionally imbalanced dese days......sighs. thanx bri. it means so muchie to meh. i noe dat many peeps out dere still care bout meh......but da biggest q is do i really care about myself all that much? well so yeah. everyone can try. but i tell everyone who still does try.....stop trying. just let meh go. just let meh fall. dere's nothing u can do. i mite sound really harsh, but the truth is, if u want to see results, u'll be dissapointed. just show meh once in a while that u still care, that all i need. i dun need ur 100% trying to keep meh happy. i noe u all love meh, and i love u all in return.

now all i say is.....let meh fall to the dark side of the moon.

sighs.....i have never felt so sh!tty in my lyphe. sighs. i had like a math quiz today, i've never felt so incompetent in my lyphe. i've never felt so like nothing in my lyphe!!! sighs......why am i so useless????? sighs........

sighs sighs sighs..........sooo unhappy......sighs......not many thoughts today.....can barely even concentrate la.....love ya'll....l8a