well....args....in my frustration...i punch walls....no no...not a pillow...walls...that have metal and wood behind as structural support....but yeah.....i punched the wals way tooo many times.....
i know how hard i can punch drywall that only leaves dents...not holes....well....let's just say this time....i was really frustrated...i punched the metal bars over and over again....i punched the wood supporting beams over and over again.....and well....now my knuckes are all swollen.....purple and swollen....
i am frustrated....i am angry....i am sad....JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.
Tuesday, June 07, 2005
crying...
i fucking feel like shit....i felt bad for yelling....so i apologized...and now...i feel even worst because i feel alot worst....because you neither accepted or acknowledged it....sighs.....feeling really really really shitty....
gone to cry the day away....don't you fucking come near me....i am not driving you ne more....you obviously don't think i'm qualified to drive you.....take the bus....find a ride from someone else.....you have crossed the line of me driving you out of decency. i don't get n e thing out of driving you to and from school....and what do i get? i get your judgement call on what you think i should have done.....
i'm sorry....i just can't take it n e more.....i hurt.....i still hurt.....all my anger just splurged out when you said that one little thing.....all my hate splurged out. i just can't do it n e more....please stay away.....if i apologize...it's because i think i need to...and you make me sound stupid for apologizing...just because you forgot, it doesn't mean i did....just because you don't care...doesn't me i don't..... i'm sorry i care....i'm sorry i care more than i should...i'm sorry for all of this....if i could turn back the hands of time....i would have rather never have gotten to know you. i would have rather not been sooo nice. i would have rather just pretended that you didn't exsist...because as of right now....i just hurt....i am hurting....
you probably won't read this. you don't care to read such long "essay" things n e ways. i may take back my words...but as of this moment...that's how i feel....
don't fucking ask me for a ride n e more....i won't give you one...why??? because it feels like i'm not being appreciated....
gone to cry the day away....don't you fucking come near me....i am not driving you ne more....you obviously don't think i'm qualified to drive you.....take the bus....find a ride from someone else.....you have crossed the line of me driving you out of decency. i don't get n e thing out of driving you to and from school....and what do i get? i get your judgement call on what you think i should have done.....
i'm sorry....i just can't take it n e more.....i hurt.....i still hurt.....all my anger just splurged out when you said that one little thing.....all my hate splurged out. i just can't do it n e more....please stay away.....if i apologize...it's because i think i need to...and you make me sound stupid for apologizing...just because you forgot, it doesn't mean i did....just because you don't care...doesn't me i don't..... i'm sorry i care....i'm sorry i care more than i should...i'm sorry for all of this....if i could turn back the hands of time....i would have rather never have gotten to know you. i would have rather not been sooo nice. i would have rather just pretended that you didn't exsist...because as of right now....i just hurt....i am hurting....
you probably won't read this. you don't care to read such long "essay" things n e ways. i may take back my words...but as of this moment...that's how i feel....
don't fucking ask me for a ride n e more....i won't give you one...why??? because it feels like i'm not being appreciated....
you don't know me...
you don't know me all that well. you think you do, but the total truth of the matter is that you don't know all of who i am. you don't understand that some of the things you meant as a joke still hurt sometimes....but....i still pretend they don't hurt.
you think you know everything about me. you draw paralells about me with other people you know....i may be similar...but i am neither the same as them or them as i.
i don't want to be pissed off. and yeah, what you said made me pissed off....i don't know what it was about it....it just pissed me off. i don't have issues about being proven wrong....you haveta give me evidence that i am wrong.....what you would do when you drive is simply what you do....you have no right telling me what to do because you would have done it....I AM NOT YOU.....
it hurts that i take sooo much time to try to get to know you.....but it seems that sometimes, you don't know me at all. yeah, words mean alot to me. sometimes....even more than actions. that's the way i am. whether or not you are joking or not....things you say...i take seriously. i have always been one to think and dwell. if you don't like that in me...you don't like me at all....so just go away.
i don't know why i'm raving and ranting....all i know is that i'm upset. i'm upset at the fact that you didn't try to say n e thing after i apologized for yelling at you....you didn't accept it or reject it.....by you not saying it's alright and bringing the matter up again about what you would have done....it still makes me think you don't accept me yelling at you. it hurts when you don't think i am a good driver. it hurts when you don't try to talk to me and just stare out the window pretnding that nothing happened. you avoid my eyes....how the fucking hell am i supposed to react? sighs....i just wanna cry....
you think you know everything about me. you draw paralells about me with other people you know....i may be similar...but i am neither the same as them or them as i.
i don't want to be pissed off. and yeah, what you said made me pissed off....i don't know what it was about it....it just pissed me off. i don't have issues about being proven wrong....you haveta give me evidence that i am wrong.....what you would do when you drive is simply what you do....you have no right telling me what to do because you would have done it....I AM NOT YOU.....
it hurts that i take sooo much time to try to get to know you.....but it seems that sometimes, you don't know me at all. yeah, words mean alot to me. sometimes....even more than actions. that's the way i am. whether or not you are joking or not....things you say...i take seriously. i have always been one to think and dwell. if you don't like that in me...you don't like me at all....so just go away.
i don't know why i'm raving and ranting....all i know is that i'm upset. i'm upset at the fact that you didn't try to say n e thing after i apologized for yelling at you....you didn't accept it or reject it.....by you not saying it's alright and bringing the matter up again about what you would have done....it still makes me think you don't accept me yelling at you. it hurts when you don't think i am a good driver. it hurts when you don't try to talk to me and just stare out the window pretnding that nothing happened. you avoid my eyes....how the fucking hell am i supposed to react? sighs....i just wanna cry....
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