yeah, i'd like to dedicate this song to all my fellows you know what i'm saying. to all the fellows that's been in a relationship that just had their hearts fucking torn out. you know what i mean? i realize that alot of my people are suffering from heartbreaks. so yeah, check it. yeah.
the promises
the lies
to every teardrop that we cry
the promises
the caring
understanding each other's lies
from struggles at its worst
we said the love would never change
then why do i feel lied to
every time it's said
we said we'd love each other
unconditional love
if this is what love is
then i think i've had enough
the bullshit
and the drama
it's nothing but wasted time
this thing that we call love
it's just illusions of the mind
all the smiles that we had
'cause a story to be told
but nothing in this world
can make up for all this bull
the problems that we faced
there was something just reaching out
we should have took the hint
that this shit won't be working out
i mean, what have we been thinking?
all the times we were together
did you really think that we would be in love forever?
at this very age we shouldn't be playin' this game
now i understand that love is pain
(love hurts and we all cry
tears dropping from my eyes
the pain i can't explain
all i know is love is pain)2X
in these past few days
i've been remininsing back
it's the first time i counldn't understand what we had
was it love?
was it passion?
was it all a waste of time?
now it's hate
now it's pain
now it's all this shit combined
i can't force myself to erase all our memories
but when i'm thinking back,
i always feel like you fooled me
nobody to blame
but myself from being blinded
crying in my sleep,
hoping this hurting passes by
i've been told by my sista's,
how these guys are all the same
but you had me so convinced,
that my world suddenly changed
'cause you always made me smile
but a smile isn't forever
i guess it's unpredictable
like changing the weather
i thought we worked this out
like the other times before
but, the truth had to reveal
we can't live a lie no more
i'm still young
and i'm still trying
to stay true to my heart
my dreams have disappeared,
and now my life's scattered apart
no
(love hurts and we all cry
tears dropping from my eyes
the pain i can't explain
all i know is love is pain)2X
this is me, kangel. dedicating this song to all my girls who have gone through break-ups; who have felt the pain of loosing someone they truely love and lost hope in all their dreams. but remember, there is someone truly special waiting out there for you.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.
Wednesday, January 12, 2005
2 bottles of water
hm....my mission...to at least finish 2 bottles of water a day...because the rest of the liquid can come from my food and whatnot. so yeah.....just to make sure i don't wash out all the nutrients i have injested i drink like at least an hour or two after i've eaten so i just absorb water.....i've noticed a diff. my skin no longer feels sooo dry all the time. i suppose i have dry skin added to the fact because i never drank enough water....
i suppose that's my new years resolution and egh...what should i call it?? life long commitment to drink at least two bottles of water i suppose. yeah....it's great....dunno....
trying to relax my mind more.....trying to keep myself calm....except i failed miserably today...yelled at sum freaking idiot who just stuck a camera phone in front of my face on the bus...i looked behind me....grabbed the phone and yelled, "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?" i don't know...i think i just got sick of all the people that have been laughing at me lately....stupid mandy and melvin and that stupid meagan white.....they talk about me constantly...saying my breasts are tooo small, i'm asian, i don't belong in oakville and whatnot....but i try to pretend i don't hear it.....fuck them....melvin is a guy that i don't know much about...but he really doesn't give me a good impression.....mandy and meagan....well they all look like men...so what gives saying that i have small breasts?!?!? but let me not scream back all the harsh words i really wanna say.....
yes.....my grad note really describes how i really feel about this school...
"2 sum out dere, wo hui xi wang wo men bu zai jian. Love, hated and lived through OTHS b/c of my friends and GOD. Peace<3"
dunno....seriously.....our school isn't that bad....it's the stupid stuck ups that make the school a living hell.....and yes, stupid female bitchiness and prying on people and bullying people will never end...i just hope i will never be part of the problem. i'd rather be the one picked on i suppose....
i suppose that's my new years resolution and egh...what should i call it?? life long commitment to drink at least two bottles of water i suppose. yeah....it's great....dunno....
trying to relax my mind more.....trying to keep myself calm....except i failed miserably today...yelled at sum freaking idiot who just stuck a camera phone in front of my face on the bus...i looked behind me....grabbed the phone and yelled, "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?" i don't know...i think i just got sick of all the people that have been laughing at me lately....stupid mandy and melvin and that stupid meagan white.....they talk about me constantly...saying my breasts are tooo small, i'm asian, i don't belong in oakville and whatnot....but i try to pretend i don't hear it.....fuck them....melvin is a guy that i don't know much about...but he really doesn't give me a good impression.....mandy and meagan....well they all look like men...so what gives saying that i have small breasts?!?!? but let me not scream back all the harsh words i really wanna say.....
yes.....my grad note really describes how i really feel about this school...
"2 sum out dere, wo hui xi wang wo men bu zai jian. Love, hated and lived through OTHS b/c of my friends and GOD. Peace<3"
dunno....seriously.....our school isn't that bad....it's the stupid stuck ups that make the school a living hell.....and yes, stupid female bitchiness and prying on people and bullying people will never end...i just hope i will never be part of the problem. i'd rather be the one picked on i suppose....
it's funnay
keke^^:D:P everyone that i talk to will ask me what my weight is because i'm constantly thinking about the gym. funnay funnay. and then when i tell them that i am 130 pounds around....they are all shocked and in disbelief. it's rather funny. they all say....no way, you can't be....you look like you are 110. meh....if i look 110...then my sister must look like 90 some odd....meh...
but i still gotsta burn more fat and turn it to lean muscle mass.....haven't gone to the gym in a while.....i only go to the gym on tuesdays when i have the car.....
i am too tired on mondays...so i normally go on tuesdays, wednesday, thursday, and maybe friday if i feel it. but well yes...sabina hasn't gone all week.....grrr...
most definately going tomorrow....will be going for three hours at least...pumping myself ain't that great i know....
but i still gotsta burn more fat and turn it to lean muscle mass.....haven't gone to the gym in a while.....i only go to the gym on tuesdays when i have the car.....
i am too tired on mondays...so i normally go on tuesdays, wednesday, thursday, and maybe friday if i feel it. but well yes...sabina hasn't gone all week.....grrr...
most definately going tomorrow....will be going for three hours at least...pumping myself ain't that great i know....
oh man...
i copy and past a whole lotta lyrics. wow. dunno why....i just do. oh wellz...
i mean....most of my english songs don't even come with lyrics because they are unbroadcasted songs....meh....the "underground" music as some people refer to it. meh. oh wellz. dunno....i don't much like english pop....but i don't mind chinese pop.....dun much listen to japanese or korean music n e more. i dunno, just don't see a point. i mean, when i was going through that phase of me wanting to know everything about being japanese, i could recite you lyrics over and over again from a few handfuls of songs....but now, i really see no point. it's like reciting a poem that means nothing to you. there's no emotion when i sing it because it is utterly unfamiliar territory to me. meh...dunno
i mean...yes, i sing chinese songs and i struggle, but i still understand what i am attempting to sing. yeah, i'm not that fluent in chinese....but meh....better than most cbc's that are unable to speak at all because they are tooo afraid to speak. i mean, it's probably due to the fact that my parents forced me to speak chinese that i have such an attraction to my chinese heritage n e ways. i don't know.
then at school, the comment arises a statement, "most oriental girls would rather go out with another oriental boy." i find this statement rather untrue sometimes. i mean, yes, if you find a fully traditional oriental, they would much prefer to go out with another oriental, but the true fact is that most people can't control who they will fall in love with. it just so happens that the first attraction of a person is one that is someone that has a closer link to your own heritage. i think it's because it becomes "easier grounding" for both of these people. it's not that n e one is being racist. i mean, in the very beginning it may have been, but now days, many more parents see that love can't be controlled or we'd have case after case of romeo and juliets. i mean, maybe in some parts of india and very low living standards people need arranged marriages, but even in arranged marriages, they may never fall in love. i mean.....looking at my grandparents. my grandfather loved another woman and was in another relationship before he got married and same with my grandmother. it was rather duty and a bound contract that said they must. they married and "love" (if you can call what they have love) each other on a level of what i call duty and responsibility love.
i mean, i know little about my grandparents. i know almost nothing about my dads parents because he's not one of those people who talk about stuff like that...and i think i shall make it my duty to ask how grandpapa was. i mean, i hear more stories about my daddy's dogs than i do about my grandpapa and grandmama. oh yes... my dad's father remarried making me have a grandmama and a step grandmama. the first grandmama was the one he truly loved....i think my father's dad was more of a success, he married because of love....and not because of duty....but times were much much different then...
oh yes, my grandfather (the one on my mother's side) was in the war....got stabbed in the gut by a japanese soldier which was shot by another man because he had stabbed my grandfather....but my grandfather was wearing a super thick leather belt....with a big metal inline....thank GOD that he survived... he is also dying very slowly from diabetes. he won't take his medicine. he won't fix his diet. i really don't want to go to any funerals, but if he continues eating the way he does...i know...that one day...my mother would be totally broken hearted and the whole family will be in morning...
my grandmother has major severe arthiritis. this is because i know she had a very tough life. she had a sister that she had to sell because their family just couldn't handle a baby. my grandmother was the oldest of 3? yes...three if i remember correctly. could have been four....but i know she had to sell her sister. her father died when she was 6 or 8. her mother died when she was early teens or sumthing. and so, she had a tough life always. she couldn't afford for herself an education. and my grandmother is one great lady. even though half the time i don't understand her because she speaks old lady chinese with a mix of shanghainese which is similar to mandarin...but still. sighs sighs. i don't know why i am soo mean to my family.....sighs sighs.....
my grandpapa (the one on my dad's side) died of diebetes....doubt that he really knew much about his disease. sighs sighs.
grandmama used to chew up my food to bits and then spit it out and give it to me to eat as a baby. i mean, you may totally think that's totally unhigenic or whatever. but you know what? i could have cared less, since well she probably didn't know much better and well, she loved me....and my sister. so you know what?? even though i don't remember n e thing about her, it shows that she loved children. all i know is that she is died of a severe sickness which no one has ever told me...
i mean....most of my english songs don't even come with lyrics because they are unbroadcasted songs....meh....the "underground" music as some people refer to it. meh. oh wellz. dunno....i don't much like english pop....but i don't mind chinese pop.....dun much listen to japanese or korean music n e more. i dunno, just don't see a point. i mean, when i was going through that phase of me wanting to know everything about being japanese, i could recite you lyrics over and over again from a few handfuls of songs....but now, i really see no point. it's like reciting a poem that means nothing to you. there's no emotion when i sing it because it is utterly unfamiliar territory to me. meh...dunno
i mean...yes, i sing chinese songs and i struggle, but i still understand what i am attempting to sing. yeah, i'm not that fluent in chinese....but meh....better than most cbc's that are unable to speak at all because they are tooo afraid to speak. i mean, it's probably due to the fact that my parents forced me to speak chinese that i have such an attraction to my chinese heritage n e ways. i don't know.
then at school, the comment arises a statement, "most oriental girls would rather go out with another oriental boy." i find this statement rather untrue sometimes. i mean, yes, if you find a fully traditional oriental, they would much prefer to go out with another oriental, but the true fact is that most people can't control who they will fall in love with. it just so happens that the first attraction of a person is one that is someone that has a closer link to your own heritage. i think it's because it becomes "easier grounding" for both of these people. it's not that n e one is being racist. i mean, in the very beginning it may have been, but now days, many more parents see that love can't be controlled or we'd have case after case of romeo and juliets. i mean, maybe in some parts of india and very low living standards people need arranged marriages, but even in arranged marriages, they may never fall in love. i mean.....looking at my grandparents. my grandfather loved another woman and was in another relationship before he got married and same with my grandmother. it was rather duty and a bound contract that said they must. they married and "love" (if you can call what they have love) each other on a level of what i call duty and responsibility love.
i mean, i know little about my grandparents. i know almost nothing about my dads parents because he's not one of those people who talk about stuff like that...and i think i shall make it my duty to ask how grandpapa was. i mean, i hear more stories about my daddy's dogs than i do about my grandpapa and grandmama. oh yes... my dad's father remarried making me have a grandmama and a step grandmama. the first grandmama was the one he truly loved....i think my father's dad was more of a success, he married because of love....and not because of duty....but times were much much different then...
oh yes, my grandfather (the one on my mother's side) was in the war....got stabbed in the gut by a japanese soldier which was shot by another man because he had stabbed my grandfather....but my grandfather was wearing a super thick leather belt....with a big metal inline....thank GOD that he survived... he is also dying very slowly from diabetes. he won't take his medicine. he won't fix his diet. i really don't want to go to any funerals, but if he continues eating the way he does...i know...that one day...my mother would be totally broken hearted and the whole family will be in morning...
my grandmother has major severe arthiritis. this is because i know she had a very tough life. she had a sister that she had to sell because their family just couldn't handle a baby. my grandmother was the oldest of 3? yes...three if i remember correctly. could have been four....but i know she had to sell her sister. her father died when she was 6 or 8. her mother died when she was early teens or sumthing. and so, she had a tough life always. she couldn't afford for herself an education. and my grandmother is one great lady. even though half the time i don't understand her because she speaks old lady chinese with a mix of shanghainese which is similar to mandarin...but still. sighs sighs. i don't know why i am soo mean to my family.....sighs sighs.....
my grandpapa (the one on my dad's side) died of diebetes....doubt that he really knew much about his disease. sighs sighs.
grandmama used to chew up my food to bits and then spit it out and give it to me to eat as a baby. i mean, you may totally think that's totally unhigenic or whatever. but you know what? i could have cared less, since well she probably didn't know much better and well, she loved me....and my sister. so you know what?? even though i don't remember n e thing about her, it shows that she loved children. all i know is that she is died of a severe sickness which no one has ever told me...
你好不好
你什麼都沒說 只是牽著我的手
那一秒鐘 遠勝過一句愛我
你手中的溫柔 還在我心裡逗留
愛情卻已變成停格的鏡頭 感覺少了些什麼
＃你好不好 當你開口對我這麼說 我就懂了你做的選擇
愛若讓你變得不快樂 我寧願還給你自由
也許我應該保持沈默 留給彼此一個再見的理由
但在你轉身後 眼淚卻不停流
我並不是懦弱 害怕面對獨自生活
只是你的影子總跟著我走 讓我的心不自由
Repeat ＃
我想我已學會了 和寂寞做朋友
只是我想起你 心仍有一道傷口 隱隱作痛
Repeat ＃
那一秒鐘 遠勝過一句愛我
你手中的溫柔 還在我心裡逗留
愛情卻已變成停格的鏡頭 感覺少了些什麼
＃你好不好 當你開口對我這麼說 我就懂了你做的選擇
愛若讓你變得不快樂 我寧願還給你自由
也許我應該保持沈默 留給彼此一個再見的理由
但在你轉身後 眼淚卻不停流
我並不是懦弱 害怕面對獨自生活
只是你的影子總跟著我走 讓我的心不自由
Repeat ＃
我想我已學會了 和寂寞做朋友
只是我想起你 心仍有一道傷口 隱隱作痛
Repeat ＃
生還者
如果需要耗光最後積蓄
才可得到 你的半張感動眉目
捱多少的苦 我都不會哭
＊這個世界裡我太渺小 生命在融掉
無心看戰亂有多少
甚麼比你的緊要
(讓你任何事情亦困擾)＊
＃努力不懈 愛便生還
我為你何妨上刀山
不管已用幾年時間
一刻躲懶 情便永不返
帶著傷患 最後生還
我願意受多少的白眼
知道感情來得艱難
疲倦也好我不敢眨眼
(為求留住臂彎
每時每刻不敢怠慢 我怕看漏眼)
(失去感情財產
時間便過得慢 永久是夜晚)＃
情海翻波簡單過壞燈膽
如不珍惜你一切 結果怎去承擔
假使單方心淡 會是個災難
REPEAT＊＃
如熱愛被我親手割爛 較沒有更慘
無論資質有限 我盡全力不減
REPEAT＃
才可得到 你的半張感動眉目
捱多少的苦 我都不會哭
＊這個世界裡我太渺小 生命在融掉
無心看戰亂有多少
甚麼比你的緊要
(讓你任何事情亦困擾)＊
＃努力不懈 愛便生還
我為你何妨上刀山
不管已用幾年時間
一刻躲懶 情便永不返
帶著傷患 最後生還
我願意受多少的白眼
知道感情來得艱難
疲倦也好我不敢眨眼
(為求留住臂彎
每時每刻不敢怠慢 我怕看漏眼)
(失去感情財產
時間便過得慢 永久是夜晚)＃
情海翻波簡單過壞燈膽
如不珍惜你一切 結果怎去承擔
假使單方心淡 會是個災難
REPEAT＊＃
如熱愛被我親手割爛 較沒有更慘
無論資質有限 我盡全力不減
REPEAT＃
i'm loving it...
hm.....well i think my dad should really watch that supersize me movie. seriously, he like eats everything and whatever....and he's like oh, it's my life. grr...
and then looking at all the foods that he eats....he eats way tooo muchie junkie, drinks too lil water.....hm....
i suppose looking at my mom....i see how i'll turn out. all throughout my younger years....i will be fit and thin and be able to do alot....and then hit mid life....and i'll be old....and fat....well it ain't all that true. since most people say my mother looks young even though she has alot of gray hairs. so yeah. meh
and then looking at all the foods that he eats....he eats way tooo muchie junkie, drinks too lil water.....hm....
i suppose looking at my mom....i see how i'll turn out. all throughout my younger years....i will be fit and thin and be able to do alot....and then hit mid life....and i'll be old....and fat....well it ain't all that true. since most people say my mother looks young even though she has alot of gray hairs. so yeah. meh
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