chinese....

hm....should i do what billy chui did in his grad note? nah, i don't think i need to talk about these "ghost men" snobs of bubble o-town with such respect using my chinese on them....they don't deserve it. keke^^:D:P

no one speaks canto with me n e more. args args. gotsta go to fob town and speak. blah....i think i'm being deprived of chinese contact.....=.= *goes to a corner and cries* yeah.....my deprivation of chinese people is like making me depressed, but then again, when i over do my contact with chinese people i'd be depressed too......

on the other hand...

i could always practice mando?

i mean, i understand it fine....unless you give me metaphores and traditional phrases i'm pretty much fine......i can understand speach between two people......blah....

keke^^:D:P

does n e one wanna take up the language that doesn't already know how to speak it to help keep me happy? keke^^:D:P nah nah, that's tooo muchie to ask from friends. keke^^:D:P yupz yupz...

blah....it's 20 sumthing to go to screamers....hope i can go. blah...probably won't though......wonder if cat would come.....but then that would be mean because i'd prolly end up chit chatting with either cat the whole time or chatting with val and jo......blah......but then again.....i don't know...... basically, it's close to 50 dollars for the day because you must eat.....and i'm not planning to pack both lunch and din din going down to toronto.

blah......this sux......i'm probably not ending up going to screamers, nor am i going to that party, nor am i going for halloween for hunger. args......

i really don't feel like lying to my parents about where i go now days. because, if i do end up being kidnapped or sumthing like that and i'm in the hospital they'd blame my friends. they would see that it wasn't my fault and stuff......so i'd rather tell them the truth. and if i told them the truth about the party with the 22-23 year olds, my parents would say no. if i said halloween for hunger, they would say no because halloween is a celebration of evil spirits...or at least in my view it is. if i do go out, i'll be going out as myself just collecting food as a good another good excuse to get food for the local food banks....oh my goodness!!! i'm sooo excited....i don't care if my parents don't let me go out for halloween for hunger, i'm making it so that i go! if i end up being hurt just minorly and they find out, i'll get the third degree like for the rest of my life. i lost their trust once, don't even want to tell you how, but yeah......i don't plan to loose it again. so yeah, from now on, if i am going to tell them exactly where i am and what i'm doing. but there are still ways to lie....but still, the point is that i will tell them what i am doing and where i am doing.....so yeah. i think that's a plan i can follow. so i'll haveta ask again to see if i can go.

love and sorry

oh....wowwie.....brian's two most despised words because he feels that most people use these terms lightly and inaccurately.

well n e whoo.....love and sorry......i'm not quite sure that when you love someone that you should not need to say sorry. sorry is a term when you feel yourself that you have done something wrong. sorry is an apology for the actions that you had taken ever so lightly or somewhat being insensitive to the other person need and thoughts and character. hopefully through saying sorry, the other person can forgive. i'm not so sure that when you love someone that the person who wronged you or you wronged them doesn't need to say sorry. i'm quite sure that you should say sorry n e ways. i mean, sorry doesn't cause someone to forgive you all the time and it doesn't heal all wounds, but it's a start. without the initiative of it, then well......don't you find it's hard to forgive? if that person truly loved you, they would forgive you if you asked them to. but forgiving isn't always the same with everyone. that's where it creates the problem. some people treat difficulties and whatnot alot different than how you would. and therefore, all these individualistic ideas cause a greater gap between the pursurer in the relationship and the one furthering themself away. every relationship is a give and take process. give and take could simply mean sacrificial relationship. basically, what i'm trying to say is that, without giving up a little of something, there isn't n e thing that you can get. for instance, you are a friend to someone else when you give them your time to listen to all the things that they need to say.

all in all there are just those people that forgive even without the other person saying sorry, but then again, it's hard isn't it? but then there are those people who forgive by first running away with the situation and trying to forget and then facing it when they feel they are ready to face it.

i don't know.......it was probably a song and used as a title....but that's what i feel.....but not everyone is the same way i know. and if i offended n e one, me sorry. just trying to state my point. not everyone understand the ideas that i'm trying to show through my words....but then again.......if i understand what i'm trying to say then that's all good i suppose.......

i write alot

wow.....well you see, i think i finally figured out why i write so damned much. it's rather funnay when you think about it. well i really doubt that everyone will take the time to read all my entries. i mean, i could try to set it so that there are less entries on a page, but then again, why would i want to do that? simply on one day, i can write up to ten entries if i simply wanted. but then again, most my thoughts are bullshit and the typical teen shit that no one wants to hear about. simply this blog thingy is an online outlet of the way i feel. i rarely display negative emotions towards something or someone else on here. most times i list my fears, my situation, the way i'm feeling. then there are those odd ball moments where i go beserk and i just can't control myself.

but lately, it's all my troubles, my sorrows, my stupid thoughts. i htink tooo much. and it causes it to be displayed in my outward appearance. blah, i'm starting to look old like a 50 year old....ewww....next thing you know, people will call me an old hag at the age of 20. =.=

well n e whoo.....i write alot cause i think i have a subconscious thought that if i write alot, no one will bother reading the shit that i post. and i suppose subconsciously that's what i'm afraid of. i'm afraid of people getting to know me tooo muchie.

i suppose that's why i don't get tooo personal on here, even though i've posted my name, birthdate, and like personal info on here. blah. me no noe. if someone wanted to get to know me, they may as well just talk to me. i hate when people get to know you through round about methods. you know, when you want to know someone's phone number, birthday, or like email, but you ask their friends first because you are afraid that they will not give it to you. you know....that sort of human fear of rejection? yeah......i suppose that's why i'm afraid of strangers.

oh yeah, i found out that i'm clausterphobic. weird aye? i mean, i'm afraid to be in a confinded space.....or at least one that i can't walk around.....weird aye??? i suppose that really tells you alot about me and very little about me at the same time. you can simply come to the conclusion that i'm one of those people that seems trapped all the time mentally and emotionally, and therefore, when i am physically in that situation, i start freaking......and if you came to that conclusion by yourself....i'm proud of you. keke^^:D:P

now on the other hand, is there like a phobia where a person is afraid of strangers, afraid of human contact? do you think i've been hit one tooo many times as a kid? hm.....i should do a self-analysis on this....but then again, i'd be bias....=.= oh wellz...

keke^^:D:P

actions...

sometimes, actions speak louder than words, but there are those very very rare moments when some words are said or not said that leads to deafness, numbness, or maybe calmness.

i don't know why....but that's all i think about now.

as people think, it's probably my bad sleeping habbits and my lack of "good" sleep. as people say, on average people should sleep about 8 hours a day. but, there are stages to sleep that your mind is still awake.

lately, my parents have been telling me that i've been talking in my dreams alot. they say that it's no longer the same way i used to talk. they said before, i used to simply shout as if i were mad or angry at someone, but now days, it sounds like i'm talking like an insane person trying to calm someone or myself down. i sound like i'm on the verge of tears. blah....does this mean something?!?! is my mind not at rest even though it should be?! even in my sleep i think......holy crap..... the theories of sexual lusting or whatnot is somewhat relevant. but not everthing relates back to sex as young's theory say. blah....i'm very into psychology/sociology/anthropology......whack....how the only thing i'm good at is the only thing i like. but i don't know, after talking sociology, i think i might take teaching, or counselling, or maybe just go into a whole different field such as egh.....tourism? i don't know......sighs.....

but n e whoo.......going to the gym in about half an hour....gotsta find my other gym shirt.....=.=.....