sighs sighs. see see, i shouldn't be affected by anyone else's pain, but i am.
i don't like being out of the picture. i am very much not in their problems. but i suppose sometimes it's better for me. seriously, people don't tell me things because they know i will care for problems not of my own.
sighs sighs. don't know why, but every time pat and jean tell me this kinda stuff i honestly feel like crying my eyes out. i really find it hard not to deny all these things that they tell me. i honestly try not to deny. but sooo much has changed that the image is completely distorted. sighs sighs. i really don't want to believe..
sighs sighs. brian....i miss you. sighs sighs. jean....i wish we were the way we used to be. no secrets....your life was my life. sighs sighs. but even though things are the way they are, you can't share everything with me because you want to help me. i understand. sighs sighs. pat.....i just hope you are safe....sighs sighs. i can't protect any of you with my life even though i would love to try. sighs sighs. only if brian were still awake! sighs sighs.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.
Sunday, September 05, 2004
a pathetic world
why is the world sooo against people. my life no longer seems sooo fragile. sighs sighs. if i could, i'd defend you with my life, but to a gang, what does one life/death mean? nothing. sighs sighs. to them, nothing is worth it. sighs sighs. mr. shorty and mr. big one which i think bri can interpret are after me? not me directly...through friends....hurting. sighs.....mainly just pat i suppose. and i don't even know who the hell has my blog link n e more. sighs sighs.
i used to think my life was sad and pathetic, but talking to jean, pat and the rest...i notice how much more i am insignificant. i am but a grain of sand on a beach where there are many! sighs sighs.
once again, i'm back to crying. sighs. my world of utter happiness is destroyed because of the pain of others. i do not regret....these are not tears because of regretting. these are tears of helplessness. for once, i can't help. there is nothing more that i can do except to provide reassurance. sighs sighs.
sighs, i'm crying now. but no one noes. these tears have welded up in me for a while now. but these tears are endless i know. sighs sighs. this is pain not felt because of self. these are tears of pain, the pain of others, not of me. sighs sighs.
I have no right to say this, but, FATHER, PLEASE FORGIVE THEM, FOR THEY DO NOT KNOW OF WHAT THEY DO! THEY DO NOT SEEK AND DO NOT ASK FOR FORGIVENESS! THEY DO NOT KNOW WHAT THEY DO WRONG! i have no right to ask for such a plea....but please....let them see the errors of their ways....
i used to think my life was sad and pathetic, but talking to jean, pat and the rest...i notice how much more i am insignificant. i am but a grain of sand on a beach where there are many! sighs sighs.
once again, i'm back to crying. sighs. my world of utter happiness is destroyed because of the pain of others. i do not regret....these are not tears because of regretting. these are tears of helplessness. for once, i can't help. there is nothing more that i can do except to provide reassurance. sighs sighs.
sighs, i'm crying now. but no one noes. these tears have welded up in me for a while now. but these tears are endless i know. sighs sighs. this is pain not felt because of self. these are tears of pain, the pain of others, not of me. sighs sighs.
I have no right to say this, but, FATHER, PLEASE FORGIVE THEM, FOR THEY DO NOT KNOW OF WHAT THEY DO! THEY DO NOT SEEK AND DO NOT ASK FOR FORGIVENESS! THEY DO NOT KNOW WHAT THEY DO WRONG! i have no right to ask for such a plea....but please....let them see the errors of their ways....
just crusin around
well as i was cruzing along blogger, i just notice something. you know, most people who go on this like type like spanish too. hm. majority of the sites that i go to are like spanish, a few like english, and even fewer like middle eastern. meh. i don't understand why i can't type chinese on this though....blah. evil....
blah, how fast summa goes
sighs sighs. most of my friends are like going to like university. sighs sighs. at least i still have alot of other friends that will still chill with me. but hey....my uni friends will still chill with me if i plan everything just right. keke^^:D:P yupz yupz
well let's see what has happened in the past 24 hours. keke^^:D:P
starting from last night. keke^^:D:P well, cat calls me up to talk about her date yesterday! so far i heard that it has gone great! keke^^:D:P she think the guy likes her, i think so too......but she was sooo nervous about the whole thing when it was funny to hear about! keke^^:D:P
yupz yupz. she called me at like 11 sumthing.....right when my sister said she'd call right back....i felt sooo bad to say that i had to go cause i wanted to listen to the whole story. keke^^:D:P but i had to go, so i did....X'( oh wellz. there is always another story after this one! so yeah! keke^^:D:P
then today i went to church. sighs sighs. went to sunday school, i thought it was sooo boring. sighs sighs. i plan not to go, but it's weird. i think GOD is trying to tell me something about worship. it's not about how i do it, it's about my heart. seriously, today's sunday school was about worship and quality....and so was the sermon...or at least tonight's n e ways. sighs sighs. blah....i get the point....sighs....i just need to work at applying it into my life! sighs sighs.
i must give my whole life to the LORD; not only giving in the time of need, not even just because i feel like it. i must give my life constantly and in everything that i do. sighs sighs.
so sad.....but i really got addicted to driving. it quite fun. keke^^:D:P very easy actually. keke^^:D:P
well let's see what has happened in the past 24 hours. keke^^:D:P
starting from last night. keke^^:D:P well, cat calls me up to talk about her date yesterday! so far i heard that it has gone great! keke^^:D:P she think the guy likes her, i think so too......but she was sooo nervous about the whole thing when it was funny to hear about! keke^^:D:P
yupz yupz. she called me at like 11 sumthing.....right when my sister said she'd call right back....i felt sooo bad to say that i had to go cause i wanted to listen to the whole story. keke^^:D:P but i had to go, so i did....X'( oh wellz. there is always another story after this one! so yeah! keke^^:D:P
then today i went to church. sighs sighs. went to sunday school, i thought it was sooo boring. sighs sighs. i plan not to go, but it's weird. i think GOD is trying to tell me something about worship. it's not about how i do it, it's about my heart. seriously, today's sunday school was about worship and quality....and so was the sermon...or at least tonight's n e ways. sighs sighs. blah....i get the point....sighs....i just need to work at applying it into my life! sighs sighs.
i must give my whole life to the LORD; not only giving in the time of need, not even just because i feel like it. i must give my life constantly and in everything that i do. sighs sighs.
so sad.....but i really got addicted to driving. it quite fun. keke^^:D:P very easy actually. keke^^:D:P
scheduled...
sighs sighs. i think i may haveta fix my schedule. sighs sighs. this sux sooo bad. sighs sighs. args args. blah.
well i think i am going to take a geography because it's a u course. because i need another u course to hand into the university marks n e ways. so yeah. wish me luck on that!
well yeah.....second semester i'm still screwed over for....but at least i have my gal, val in the course i hope! i hope la okay!?!?!? so yeah.....wish me luck on that. sighs sighs. i really wanna get into geography cause it's a u course.....i hope i do well in calc too!!!
i just hope this whole year will go great for me!
pray for me k?!? i don't want another break down half way done the school year like i've had two years in a row la. sighs sighs. good and bad memories....sighs sighs.
yupz yupz. well yeah...keke^^:D:P
well i think i am going to take a geography because it's a u course. because i need another u course to hand into the university marks n e ways. so yeah. wish me luck on that!
well yeah.....second semester i'm still screwed over for....but at least i have my gal, val in the course i hope! i hope la okay!?!?!? so yeah.....wish me luck on that. sighs sighs. i really wanna get into geography cause it's a u course.....i hope i do well in calc too!!!
i just hope this whole year will go great for me!
pray for me k?!? i don't want another break down half way done the school year like i've had two years in a row la. sighs sighs. good and bad memories....sighs sighs.
yupz yupz. well yeah...keke^^:D:P
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