happiness. is it a state of mind? or is happiness sumthing that can only be achieved? i guss being at this age, everything is made so difficult because u want learn who u are and who ur not. then, to add on to everything, hiding certain feelings bak ain't good either.i supposed that everyone hides behind a certain wall and mask. it all depends how different your mask looks from who u really are or how thick and what material your wall is made up of.

i can remember at the time when i was six, there was an art assignment which i had to design a mask. i don't have it any more, nor do i keep anything that really reminds me of what i did in the past. you might ask why? welll here's my answer, there are just some things u don't want to be constantly reminded of and you can always make new memories, even if it is no longer in physical form. well bak to when i was six, the mask i designed was how i really thought. it might have been really colourful looking and all. sorta happy looking from far away, but then when u looked at it from up close, it felt as if the mask wuz unhappy or crying in some way. i can remember when the teachers saying it wuz soo pretty and colourful, but then you could also hear what they said to other teachers. you dunno what dey said, but it went sumthing like dis, "it's colourful ain't it? it's coloured so well too. she's only six! it's happy, but it looks sumwhat sad, just looking at the eye slits looks like it's crying." in a sense i guess the eyes are the window to how u are. but then again, how can u noe that one is happy and truely being oneself? it's very difficult. very.

i think too much, and i'm told this everyday. i guess i am just that way, i like to think. i care too much. i want too little. i expect and hope just hte right amount, but can be soo easily let down. i guess my thoughts have no beginning, no end, no real thought.

but as everyone moves on in lyphe or faces a hard time, i just want to remind n e one, that through all things, big or small, it will all pass. a constant reminder that i always have, suicide ain't bad. it prolly feels way better then being in a shortime crisis. and that's exactly it. suicide is a longtime decision for a shortime dilema. so yeah. keep that in mind. NEVER GIVE UP HOPE AND FAITH. like a friend once told me, faith is knowing one of two things (or maybe both) that when u are down and falling, u will find that solid ground to stand on or either that or just be taught how to fly. amazing aye? just the simplest words really cause one to think aye? hehehe=>:D hugs kisses ya'll....chill outz

well in the same day to my very first post. i dun get dis stuff. and i believe my english is actually really hard to read on this thingy. i type soo funnay wit all my slang. i could like make dis entry very huge. hugeness aye? what a thought. quite amazing. greatness comes to that. but can n e actually be great? sorry bout dat.....i guess i'm just being a bit pessimistic. it's sumthing i tend to do all da time. dun mind meh.

oh yeah, does n e one come to read everyone's entries? it would be facinating to actually see dat sumone reads dis stuff. cause i noe i would only do dat if i were totally bored. which i am since i'm writing on dis thing. but i actually have tons of hmwk. so i guess i should stop procrastinating and like start to do my hmwk. but what is the point of skool if i dun learn n e thing? i'm like a dumb bumb dat shouldn't be in skool. but den again. if i weren't in skool, what would i be doing? well stupid contridicting thoughts. well eitha way.....can't describe it. it's just teen lyphe i guess. soo darn stupid.....it's just a phase. every one says time heals all things. and even i say that. but it doesn't heal it completely. we mite need plastic surgery after like time has like healed us. well let's see....i'm trying to speak in a metaphorical way, not like realy plastic surgery of course, but sumthing dat u could use after being injured so much. well i'm just talking about myself. well i dunno......everyone's gone through it at least one time in their lyphe.

phases, why a phase? so is happiness a phase too? seems to meh dat no feeling last forever. everything leaves with time. so is everything a phase?? well i'm confused. can n e one answer me??? hm. well whatever. peace

i am thoughtless and lost rite now. i do not noe what i think. i am listening to david tao, tian tian. pretty good song to me. oh wellz. i'm sorta lost for words for the way i feel. i neither feel happy nor do i feel sad. i may be upset, but who really cares ar?

this world rarely cares for n e thing but itself. it's sooo cruel. why should i care soo muchie if well no one does care all dat muchie bout meh? sooo darn stupid!! i guess i'm new at this and my thoughts really dun make n e sense. well....i have no clue....