yes, i changed my title to my blog, but no, my thoguhts have not changed. it's just that no matta how i will describe my thoughts, no one can really understand it unless they were me. so it's very alright. if i become better in english, maybe then shall i improve my description and imagery to my thoughts. yes, maybe one day we'll share and get to know people agian. maybe one day. but what happens if that day never comes? hahaha=>:D

well whateva. i have no clue. some things can't be put on hold, but some things last through that period of patience. it's alright. i can handle it miss talking to tons of ya. but it's alrite. sighs sighs. well dat's it, i haveta finish a stupid tragedy story. i hate reading. dey always make meh sad. maybe because i will cry at the parts that are sad, and laugh at the parts that are funny, but no matter what the case, it's funny. hahhaa=>:d i miss you all l8a l8a.

this is what GOD says. even when no one seems to love you, i will be there. when you seem to be loved by the whole world and hated by yourself, i will still be there to support you in all you do. as long as you never leave me, i shall never leave you. as long as you come to me with open my arms, you will still feel my embrace. i will never leave you nor forsake you, it's because you left me that you feel forsaken or neglected. i am the only one who shall never leave or forsake. i will love you till the end, even when you don't love yourself.

well that's all repeated, and well each is just the same as everything else. but a lil reminder is very important every once in a while. hehehe=>:D

some people are very forgiving. yes. i may say things with alot of emotion. like someone did sumthing to me or sumthing, but it doesn't mean that i haven't forgiven sumone. dat also pisses me off. if you noe me well, there are tons of things that piss the heck outta me. and i just can't help it but to get annoyed with it. one of those, when someone says that i say things as if i haven't forgiven that person. what? am i not supposed to cry when i reminence the pain that sumthing caused? am i not to feel angry when i remember the times that i got pissed? yeah, i got over that, but it doesn't mean that that anger doesn't come bak, i've forgiven them for that action, but that feeling only comes bak because it's a memory that has kept all the emotions that i've felt at that time. have you never noticed that when i talk about certain people i smile as if i would never smile again? yeah, i'm the lil happy gurl in the corner now days, i speak only when i'm spoken to, speak when i'm in a need to talk. but really, there are so few people that would talk to meh. they don't like the way i think, they don't like the way i act, they just don't like the way i am. i can't say i don't agree with them at times, but i must say i still love myself, even with all the faults and impurities. i love you all just the same way. even through all the pain, i can still smile at you, because you still mean the world to me. some things will just never be the same, i shall never talk to you, i haven't given you the last gift because i can't will myself to give it to you knowing that i made a vow to when i finish it. yeah, bessie noes what i'm talking about. i make harsh vows, and i know i shouldn't make them if i know i wouldn't be able to keep them, but that's the problem, i know i would keep that promise. no matter how much it kills me, i know i would keep that promise to myself. my promises mean alot to me. yeah yeah! i made it to the honour roll. pleaze tell me that it wasn't a mistake. people say that they made a mistake and i shouldn't have been on the honour roll, but please tell me that they didn't.

i can't stop saying i love you, i love you, i love you. yeah yeah, i just can't stop. i don't know. the more i feel that i'm being neglected, the more i need to say i love you. yes, i don't care who's reading this n e more, my thoughts are stupid, and i don't care. for those that do come and read my thoughts, i hope i know you, and i am saying i love you's to those i mean it to. you know me well enuff to know that i love it when i say i love someone. so when you don't believe me about when i say i love you. then just think about what love is.

1 Corinthians 13

4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8Love never fails.

if i can treat you this way, then actually think about it, do i love you or do i not? dat's all i have to say to all of ya.

as seasons change, so will the character of a person. it's just natural. u can feel like a new person with a new haircut, but at the same time, u will always know that you are the same person as who you were before. i really miss you all, especially those that don't even seem to read my thoughts or care or talk to me n e more. i just seem to be a lil annoyance in your lyphe or sumthing. i suppose dat's cause u people will always be important to me. it's alritez doe. yeah, i might seem very annoying, only cause i care alot for those who i think are important to me. maybe that's why i loose out on lyphe. u know what i hate? i hate those that say take lyphe less seriously. i hate those type of people. yeah, lyphe can be fun, but it doesn't mean that you shouldn't care for every little detail in it. yeah, lyphe should offend you. you shouldn't tell somone to not take lyphe soo seriously only because they care. yeah nat, i am telling you to shut up! it wuz rude what you said. but maybe it's cause i know where media is coming from. and even though i think media is annoying sumtimes, but she still has her rights to think that it wuz childish. you shouldn't live ur lyphe always as the little child. just because u have a job, but ur mommy still tucks u in at night doesn't mean that you are still a lil child. yeah, when u read this, if you even will, i prolly offended you, and i'm sorry. i just couldn't live with that n e more, cause i don't take lyphe easily. i will always choose to take it serious, and if you don't like dat, den u can just piss off. i hope that you will still be my friend afta u read this, but i just needed to straighten some things out.


okayz. on to other things. hm. have my skool friends noticed that i've changed. somehow, those that i seem not to care alot about do notice. i mean, those at skool at least. i have neglected a person from grade 9 and on, but yet she has noticed that i've changed, and that i'm no longer that lil child n e more. she says it's good, and i don't think it's bad. but i suppose, as a somewhat more mature person, i must be like an adult and have patience, and be there even though i feel as if someone is doing sumthing bad. and i should teach when i think it is neccessary. yeah. i sound like an adult or parent more than a friend right? yeah, everyone hates those type of people. but if you really wanna noe sumthing. i wouldn't hate those that care alot just to tell you. cause maybe one day you'll just need them to be there, and they won't because they are still mad at you for sumthing you did to them.

hahhaa=>:D i don't talk as much ne more. i don't like groups. i just like when people when dey talk to ya face to face. two on two basically is what i'm trying to say. i don't get really good conversations while i'm in groups n e more. i just totally blank out and not listen. maybe dat's just like dat in skool. maybe on reason why i don't focus is because i really ain't listening all that much. yes, i have fun courses that really help meh have fun, but really, they are useles. i'm gonna take grade 12 english next semester, please pray for me. pray that GOD will give me the strenght to carry on and not be too stressed. thanx people. those that i want to to talk to, are those that i do not see, but yet those people do not want to talk to me n e more. those that i've established a great relationship with over the summer has faded. yes, i suppose some friendships are only to last for a certain amount of time. not all friendships are meant to last. this i see is the only way it can go, in lyphe you can only make more and more. people really do think i'm sentimental and opinionated. not a good mix or combination, but too bad, that's just the way i am. but just saying that's the way i am pisses me off. it's as if i'm using an excuse just to do the things i do. i hate it when people do that, at least i noe i try to change myself because i noe that i'm just using it as an excuse.

skool really took away my loneliness, but yet at the same time i have never felt more lonely. as i've said last night, you will never feel more lonely then when u are with a group, but u feel neglected. hahaha=>:d i suppose i should have been used to this feeling of rejection, since i've been living with it all my lyphe. but no one is made to feel loneliness. at least i noe i have friends, even if they don't like all my opinions, at least they stick by meh no matta what. all i can do is smile one smile. and hope that lasts foreva. yeah, i wore a skirt to skool today, everyone wuz shocked so badly. is it my fault that i choose not to wear like fancy clothes to skool? well people at skool, i'm giving ya a holla, get used to it! i am that gurl that is hidden in the corner's where no one sees. i am that gurl who cries every nite just because she seems to not be able to do n e thing right. but at the same time, i've lived like this all my lyphe, no big difference, just that i'm getting older now and everything just seems to not be as easy as it used to be.

i really don't want university to come. i would no longer be able to live the way i live now. i really miss all of ya. i just wanna give ya'll a big kiss and a big hug. i don't know. when i feel like doing this kinda stuff, no one is around me, maybe i should just get one big teddy bear. hehehe=.:D yes, i should just invest in one, but yet i have one. it's like about the size of my upper body. yupz yupz. hehehe=>:d i am that gurly gurl that doesn't seem to be a girly gurl in front of people. but everyone has a nature to look good for sumthing or someone. in this sense, i'm trying to look for myself. hahaha=>:D when winter comes, i will look like a mess, that's just me. unless u want to buy a bit of my winter wardrobe with me.