i will never be able to choose one side of my friends. if they are my friends...they wouldn't tell me to pick....i'd rather just leave knowing that i didn't break their friendship. but then again...maybe everythign that happens now is due to some reason......destiny is is really hard to decipher. but then again....does it matter?? what you do inflicts its own consequences anyways...so why bother with all that crap la? friends say i'm pretty....others say i'm wird...and even more just call me hideous? but then again....those that call me hideous...do they know how i am on the inside or are they just calling me that because the are not secure of themselves?

don't know...don't want to know....and even if i did know...will i care????

holy crap......my pc is like messed up...but whateva.....keke^^ i don't really mind....skool isn't that bad for me....i just really don't mind. hm. think too muchie....care too muchie....but then again....maybe i really don't care about anythign and i'm just using it as an excuse as why i feel the way i do now....i have no clue....sighs sighs.....i don't know....

love.....love is the greatest of all things. there is no such thing as love at first sight. love at first sight is lust....not love. even one who is not christian and was raised up differently than me thinks the same thing. i mean....to some degree...your first impression of someone leaves you attracted to someone....but if you just allow your attraction to remain just attraction....then there is nothing better than to just not love. sighs......not one of he people that don't read this know what is going through my head. most things just don't get translated like many other things in my life.....it's wierd. i type tooo muchie....and i think i want to be a secretary as my dream job. but then again....would i just want to be a receptionist? but then again...whatever....hm.....lunch hour is almost over for me.....and i'm still bored as hell. sighs sighs. i'm thinking too much of something that i shouldn't be thinking of. sighs sighs. i well wish to like just leave and never return....but then again....it's not true.....because i could never leave and not return.

i will miss all those people that i have left and those that have left me....

why must sorrow be sought? are there not already enough tragedies as it is? i just don't understand. why must people insult like this? do they not understand that everyone is human and everyone has human emotion? i just don't want to understand anymore. jean.....my prayers go out to you.....i hope everything will be fine. i hope you don't think too much about it all. sighs sighs. i started crying.....maybe i shouldn't have. maybe i should accept the fact that they have changed and they are doing what they are doing now. but what if i cannot? sighs sighs. i just don't know. how is everythign giong to be alright? i may say i want them sent to prison and i would be the first person who sends them to it....but will i actually have the heart to watch them fall so hard and so fast spirilling downward? i don't think i have the heart to bear all that. i don't think i am able to fathom the pain they have brought on the people that they have done that to. why must some men remain soo blind and while others remain unwilling to see? args.....ignorance???? sighs sighs

well maybe i am chronically depressed though. but i can't help but to think that people have stopped caring for one another. the truth of the matter is that without love and a willingness to give love, you have nothing to begin or end with. if one does not sacrifice anything....you achieve nothing. oh wellz....sighs sighs....very very tired....sighs sighs.....haven't been able to sleep well lately. been having horrible reoccuring dreams. miserable. all i can remember every time is that when i wake up....i'm either sweating or i'm in a bed of sweat. sighs sighhs. why must people change and fall into the hands of SATAN? why why why? why must they harden their hearts so that they do not see GOD? i do not understand. i'm afraid. what happens if i'm next? args args. will people just hide and try to stay in the dark forever?