can't stop thinking...args.....oh wellz......in time...only it can tell....

PERSONAL CONFLICT RESOLUTION STYLE
Turtle: withdrawing/ avoiding
Shark: forcing/competing
Teddy bear: smoothing/ accommodating
Fox: compromising
Owl: collaborating

hm...lost and confused...hm....thinking too muchie. hm...going to go shopping on friday....and that is final....

all my thoughts relate to you one way or another. i do not understand why, but can you understand why? one of these days i will understand why my world is so connected to yours. maybe there is a reason, wait....i know there is, but it's not mission to figure what the mission is. lately i have been sleeping late. but it really doesn't matter, as long as i feel alright the next day. will you ever come bak? and the answer is no. my htoughts jump, i'm sorry. i can't concintrate on n e thing n e more. i wish to talk and i wish to noe more, but i can't. simply, my understanding and acknowledgement has stopped at it's maximum level. i wish to be happy, but it's not just simply wishing that would make meh feel better. it's not even putting it into action either. what would make meh the happiest gurl is something rather odd. it's not a guy, it's not a gurl, it's not a friend. but simply, those that are around meh find joy in me being unhappy and then maybe i'll be happy then. when people simply stop caring, that would be the end of the world (or at least to mine) people don't understand what they do not want to accept. to another, just because you think you are difffernt doesn't make you different. just because not everyone accepts you for you, it doesn't mean that there isn't anyone that does. but there's just this feeling i get when i'm around you, is there more that you are hiding? everyone has their secrets, and me, if you really want to know.....you will know. you can beat me up in pressure, but if it was simply something i didn't want to tell you, i wouldn't.....i'd rather you kill me then to tell. i take pride in my friends....even if i don't agree with all the ways they are and the way they act, it does not mean that i don't love em. jsut because i am different does not mean that i don't accept them....yes, i admit that i am racist. yeah, but i've gotten over much of it....now i notice my racism hatred is only an excuse to continue to hate...so if you hate meh because i'm willing to admit it...then kick my ass okay? well sighs.

there are just some things that you are not able to tell someone, but if you really want to know something, just ask. sighs sighs. no one reads my thoughts except myself now days. but maybe thoughts are menant to be kept to themselves. not everyone is willing to see that there is a dark side behind all the smiles that seem to be soooo ever sooo realistic. sighs sighs. i'm a good actress....but at times, the true me breaks out, and like many, it's a side filled with tears, anger, hatred, and confusion. sighs sighs. should i have not left all my burdens with GOD?! why do i still allow myself to carry such a burden? sighs sighs.

i can't understand myself now days....all day long...i just wish that people would come up to me and give me a big big bear hug. i just need hugs now days. i don't need kisses or jewlery. i don't need any of that. what i need i simply don't get because i have built my reputation as a person of steel. steel that still cries supposedly. weird ain't it. my smiles are fake, and that's all i can give you at the present moment. my smiles are not based on security of mind or that i am truly happy...