after a while....i lived like this for too long....i'm too numb now.....

it's wierd how i'm obsessed with writing my thoughts. i can't seem to really form out proper sentencse that are in my head...it's really really weird....

no one loves me....at least not romantically n e more....but does that matter?keke^^ satisfied just the way it is......

shit....i should stop looking at stupid photos......cause if i don't stop....then i'll just remember ever detail of it all...

i don't know what to say. i miss....i miss....i miss.....args....

args......looking at you...makes me think.....did you really use me for all that time?!?!? why didn't you just break up with me the first moment we got together?? that would have spared me the pain i am going through now. i don't want to believe you are a bad person. i don't want to believe that you've allowed yourself to be corrupted. i don't want to believe any of it....i thought i was over you.....but really deep down inside......i'm like....why am i such a fool? why do i continue to love everyone soo much? why must i allow my heart to bleed in such a manor? why must i continually rip the scab off my wound?!?!? WHY?!?! WHY?!?!? args args. i wasn't betrayed by anyone, i betrayed myself. i didn't allow myself to look past my own motives.....sighs sighs....

sen to chihiro no kamikakushi.......don't ask why i wrote that again....but i just like how that sounds....

i feel so...so...so....sighs sighs.....i just feel cruddy i suppose. i feel like crying all the time.....again.....and again. depression, but i'm not even upset at myself. nor about n e thing else. just that there is soo uch stuff in skool that is going on and i just want to stop it all, but i have no choice, i can't. i'm too week.

i need to study more. i don't know how to study. sighs sighs

math tutor is helping me....i think i got an 80 on that last test....but i could be wrong...i hope i got more than an 80...i really need to pull my mark up.....stupid konics or whateva......sighs sighs

sighs....it's funny how most my friends really don't read my thoughts at all, but all i do is like spend my time reading their thoughts. it's funny how i skip skool and i get a bitching from my parents, even though they knew i'd be home a period earlier. oh wellz.

hm....my friend has the most funniest insight. he thinks to much: such men are dangerous. keke^^ i don't think brian's dangerous....keke^^ oh wellz. i have learnt to love many dangerous people in my life. not that i can control loving those that GOD have created. i must not judge, i must be satisfied