some people say i'm crazy, and others think i'm insane. but is not insanity and being crazy the same thing? i mean, am i not sane to be able to drive to such conclusive thoughts? i mean, no one likes ot think, but i can't help it cept to think. sighs sighs. i'm sick and tired of hearing all the people talk about. what's the deal with this crap life and when's it gonna fade out? i mean, having a bad life will never end. and when it finally does physically, it could only get worst or alot alot better. now i shall do more devotions. maybe i shall wake up early ever morning just to do a devotion. is it not better for someone that way? yeah. so it is. i'm tired. and i have tons of homework. grr.....

i shall go back to sleep now, and so then my sister m ay use the pc. hm. no one reads these thoughts anymore. maybe it's just a waste of time to even try to express myself, obviously it's not doing me n e good. but why would i want others to read my thoughts in the first placE? there's no good reason for this to happen. my thoughts should be personal, but it's not only because i choose to let it be public. sometimes writing my thoughts would make me feel better, but at times, it would make me feel a whole lot worst. and the feeling of being played for a fool is even worst. i hate that feeling. and people should get far far away form me at this present moment. i'm trying not to star at the pc screen now, my head really really hurts. and as brian would say, stop sitting in front of the computer and take a nap or sumthing. yeah. i'll just do that. args. this sux sooo bad. i'm sooo angry. args args. evil evil. hm. what were the stages a person goes through before acceptance? there was denial, fear, anger, depression, and the acceptance. was in that order? what happens if i never go to denial and i never go through the stages of fear. i'm not afraid of the truth, it just hurts, so it makes me mad. and whenever i'm mad about sumthing, i become depressed, therefore, being a very negative cycle. but then does that make me over emotional? sighs sighs. over all these years, and over and over again, i get hurt all the same way. what the hell. oh yeah, then jean and i was talking at tony's last night. well people say willy's changed. well really, i don't think he has. i mena, he's different than what he used to be. but the fact is, if you were never really yearning to be a certain way, you'd never be that certain way. what you have never thought to be, you will never be. therefore, he has thought to be the way he is now, and he is now the way he is. it makes sense to me in my logic. does it make sense to you? prolly not. i think in circles, and unless you think in circles too, you'd prolly be even more confused in what i'm saying.

well you see, there are those that are willing to listen to my problems, and then there are those that only listen because i'm willing to speak. which kind of friends do you want? oh yes, then there are those friends that knows you are upset and is willing to do nothing about it. i mean, sometimes i'm like that, but that's only because i know what's going on in the minds of one person or more. i'm extremely tired. thoughts hurt my brain. but then again, it seems to me that the tension at my head is becoming less and less as i type.

to write or not to write, that is the question. but i have no clue. what do i want to say? my thoughts leaves me indecisive of what i want to do. hm. so i'm tired and moody. the headache from last night has not left me even with a good nights sleep. hm. wonder if this is a sign to stop thinking. args args. so very evil. args args.

hm....right now, too muchie on mind....but shall i spill it here or shall i write it by hand?