i know...when i start typing thoughts....i type continuasly mintue after minute.....and each thought that is posted is posted within minutes of each other....i know...i know....i can't help this....

the trouble with love is......that it tares you up inside. makes your heart believe in lies........

sighs sighs...some reason....i can't get those lines out of my head!!!! args args.....i wish i just evaporated....

there simply is just sumthing wrong...i haven't slept well for the past 2 weeeks. i haven't been eating properly if at all anything. and i am already as cranky and unpleasant as ever....and my state is getting worst because people just don't understand me. misunderstandings...sighs sighs....

i have motivation like an artist....but i have a personality like a drone worker...but it's not like anyone understands. it's not like anyone cares. i am not creative. and i am stupid....but sighs.....i can't help that. sighs sighs. i am highly motivated to do my work...i do what i am told.....but i can't just make things up at the top of my mind. my group members don't understand me. it's not that i want them to do everything by themselves...they simply just haven't asked me to do sumthign that i would be able to help in. they never told me to do anything...so i just help with the preparations of experiments...sighs sighs.....i should have dropped this course....

why can i stand up for others....but i cannot stand up for myself? why does no one try to defend me even though i have defended them? why do they just leave me alone all the time? why why why? sighs sighs...can't wait to go home...sighs sighs.....

maybe it is all my fault........

sighs.......do i have an issue with being indepenant? sighs sighs...args....i can't spell...and i don't care...sighs sighs.....can't wait till skool is over.....maybe then i could be happy. sighs sighs....why am i falling deeper and deeper into depression? why can't i lift my spirits up? sighs sighs......why is all that i want to do is cry? why can't i stand up for myself? why can't i talk back knowing that i had viable reasoning for what i did. why do i seem like such a miserable person? sighs sighs. am i really all that lazy? sighs sighs. did i really not try? sighs sighs....

sighs....i want to be the dust which people walk upon.....metaphorically speaking at least.....and if you really think of the meaning behind what i said.....you'd think i was crazy......but....i do not want to be ordered around all the time...i am not that type of person...

sighs....i wrote a big long entry...and the damned skool pc couldn't post it...maybe it's a sign that i'm not meant to post my thoughts at all.....

there is something majorly wrong with the world i live in and the situations i have created myself in....

sighs sighs....i'm one really messed up person...sighs sighs.....it's all my fault...all my fault.....or is it? sighs sighs. i should stop blaming and making excuses for what people are calling me and saying about me. sighs sighs. my lack of confidence is once again showing. sighs sighs. i hate school....i wish i could just drop out and never return....or better yet...just become the dust that people walk on. but most people don't even know what i'm implying...meh. not my problem. sighs sighs. people don't know who i am. they don't understand the way i work. they don't understand thati have motivation like an artist....but a personality more like a worker drone. sighs sighs. no one understands me. people ask me how i am....or at least how i'm doing. and well...there are only a few that care. it's not my fault that when doing things i am not as creative and independant as others is it? it's not a crime to do really well what others tell me to do. sighs sighs. i lack creativity. i often times lack motivation too. but i am ever so slowly trying to improve on that. but when something like this happens in my life.....i loose all that i have learnt to build upon. i have a weak support....and things like this only make me weaker. sighs......