the closed door

and so....when life seems to have closed the door, maybe the window that was open is finally acknowledged and you take whatever can be seen through this window. the oportunity may seem smaller than door only due to its sice. maybe the chance would have never been taken because the other seemed sooo much better. maybe there's a reason to look through this window and not simply through the door that has been slammed in your face....

hm....has the door actually been slammed on my face? i believe there's still hope i suppose. and even though i would much rather stop myself from feeling all the emotional strain that may happen in the future, it is much easier to fall in love for me. falling out of love hurts...and is damaging....i'll be going to the gym tomorrow...going every day of the week....no matter how busy...no matter how tired....i am going....why? because i'm fat=.= args....sighs.....my dress doesn't fit properly n e more...it did 2 weeks ago...ahhhhh!!!! and only have a month to loose 5 pounds of fat...and hopefully turn it into muscle or sumthing....but n e whoo...going to the gym every day of the week.....and...also handing in my letter of not renewing my contract.....

no worries....no regrets....there's just something that i'll wait to say and wait to do. why? because i think it deserves to be said.

yeah...maybe my blog really does revolve around my life...but then again...it's my blog...and my therapy....meh...if you want to read something that isn't biased, somewhat self-centered, read the newspaper or magazines designed to enlighten and stuff.....

meh....skimming.....at least you have fun....bleh....

do words really mean all that muchie in the long run?

sighs...

almost got caught by the popo. i ran through a red light...and then there was a popo driving after me.....sheesh...i thought he was after me, until he changed lane and then went in front of me. sighs sighs...

feeling really really shitty right now...sighs sighs....

i haveta loose weight...args....i gained fat...sighs sighs....about 5 pounds worth...sighs sighs....starving myself for a month...yeah...crash diet.....yeah....

feeling really shitty....really fat....really stupid....sighs....

it's kinda funnay

muhahahaha...well it's kinda funny i suppose. muhahahaha. well i will be off to do my devotions soon. so yeah. muhahahaha. but yeah....i haven't played my flute for like weeks now. sighs sighs...i miss my flute....i sound horrible now....i mean, most amature musicians could even tell that i have been out of practice. i need to improve on my range, my control, my tone, my endurance. crappers....i can only hold a single not at maximum sound for like 4 beats before i totally run outta breath=.= ewwww....

ewwww=.= but yeah.....

my stomach hurts...i am hungeeeeeee.....

pc time

well....my sister is home today. muhahaha. but....i still don't really actually feel the joy yet....i mean....obviously i love it when my sister is home...because my parents try to do stuff when my sister is home. but.....i just feel like moping....but....i know i need to go out....because everyone will bitch at me if i dont and say "you had a chance to go out, why didn't you?" so meh...

well yeah...sister home...that means i won't get much of pc time today. meh. it's not that big of a deal...need to do something else n e ways. muhahahaha.

but yeah....i should stop reading horoscopes.....things that predict are only good predicting things because they are vague.....but....whatever.....if my problem is reading horoscopes, i just won't go and read em....avoid them completely.....i mean...it's not wrong to read em...it's just wrong when you allow it to consume your life....sighs sighs....