meh....got more times to read the books i want to read now....keke^^ oh wellz. meh....how fun...well now i'm going la....keke^^ i don't know. if n e one wants to talk to me......you know where to find me. hm

if i have ever caused you to feel uncomfortable and made you upset......i am sincerely sorry. sometimes i honestly just can't control my motions. i'm sorry. i really try to contro my emotions....but many times....i just cannot. i am sooo sorry. i do not mean to cause trouble in your livesbringing in a bit of my own into your own happy life. i'm sorry. i know shit happens....but i still believe that there is a GOD. if you truly never want to understand...and you just want to believe it the way or stuff you have....then there is no point in listening to what i have to say. i'm sorry.......i really do not mean to make you upset......sighs...sollie....

it's weird....but my old pc sux ass....and i don't understand how i lived with it for sooo long in the very first place. whack. oh wells. maybe the only thing i do very well is just typing. sighs sighs. i'm weird. i like being in quite place being able to think about things. weird aye? keke^^ i'm special. val likes the co-ed part of the gym. whereas me.....i like the women's fitness part. keke^^ but meh. that's cause it's alot cooler and well.....it's a lot more peaceful. if i want to work on weights by myself away from where all the people can stare at me.....i would go to the upstairs level of the gym. but i really enjoy cardio on the elliptical machines.....i have no come to the conclusion that i have like three favourite machines in the entire gym. i like the love handle machine, that funky one that has no name that seems to work out your abs......and egh....well the elliptical machine. amd i weird? keke^^ but i have no idea. meh. kekek^^ i'm weird. still the only machine i could sit and do forever would be like the leg press machine though.....and the leg press machine. but meh......i could use the elliptical machine till i was tired. it's funnay. meh.

i think i'll go to the gym every day of august.....but i'll prolly not go on saturday and sunday's. plus that also really depends what i feel like doing on friday and in the week. meh......i have no idea. tom's sat....so unless val is going to the gym....i won't go. meh......whatever. blah. keke^^ i don't know why....but i really like the gym. specially when i'm doing cardio...which i'm normally on the elliptical or on the bike. it's weird. it's cause well when i do.....i am normally thinking of other things when i am on these machines. it's a good thing though. it keeps my mind off of certain things....and the adrenaline and andorphines feels good to me. i think it's just the way my body react to this kinda stuff. so yeah.....meh.....

see....to begin with....i am never on cloud nine. but i am afraid to leave whatever feeling i am in now. keke^^ it's weird but if cloud nine is to be satisfied with everything.....i could never reach that state. my wish for perfection kills me and sometimes this is a strongpoint and sometimes it is not th best fact. you see.....wishing for perfection makes you wish for higher. but the thing about this is if i wish for perfection....i wish to be able to achieve it, but when i don't....i strive harder and use up alot of energy....and when things don't go my which, which most dont, i feel miserable. i am a spoiled child that wishes everything goes my way. i am a selfish child that only thinks about herself before others. i am a stubborn child that only listens to myself until i fall into a pit and must dig myself out. i am really glad i have the friends i do. i don't know what i would without them. keke^^ val, my most chit chattable friend, one that most people call a total flirt, is my best friend at skool. i honestly tell her everything....even if i know she doesn't wanna hear......hm......stretch marks....keke^^ j/ks j/ks. well yeah. it's funny and it's not funny. honestly val and jenny are like the only people in skool that i talk to. i mean...actually "TALK" to. i mean....i am popular as in i have friends. my moods freak out my friends...and i know that completely. i am a very moody person. but most time those that don't know me well don't notice. and then there are times that well i can't help but to show my true feelings. sighs sighs. i don't think it is right to hide one's true emotions. i am completely honest and sincere about this. sighs sighs.

honestly......i mean....people like to pretend that everything is alrights. sighs sighs. i would like to go to that funeral on that saturday. but since i do not know the family well.....i do not think it is right for me to just show up. i mean, i didn't even know the person who has passed away. I do not even know the person who's mother died very well. sighs sighs. i am sorry i never had the heart to make convo to get to know these people. sighs sighs. i mean.....in a sense, i want to see how it is like to be at a funeral.....everything is an experience....even though most times i'll prolly end up crying at a sad event like this. i've never really been to a funeral. honestly. i don't know how it feels to loose someone very dear to you. sighs sighs. i can only imagine how it feels. wait sorry.....i have never lost someone very close to me in the sense that i could never talk to them nor see em. it's either i wish to never see em again or i simply just don't talk to them. but loosing in that sense is completely my fault. hm. sighs. every one thinks i am lucky because i have never gone to a funeral of a person which i know dearly. they all think i a good to miss out on this type of experience. but truly....i'd rather know how solemn things are supposed to be. i'd rather know the feeling of it. i may not like it.....but what the hey.....i don't only wanna go to a funeral of my best friend(s) or like my parents or my sister. sighs sighs......

i don't know.....but i feel like crying now. not a depressed thing. weird. just thinking of death and everyone there.....

i don't understand myself.....i'm just weird......or in val terms....i'm seeeepecial with an r....keke^^ :D:P

hm.....i know i am moody. sighs sighs. it's really not my fault. i really try hard to remain in a state of bliss and happiness and let things happen as they do. but sometimes.....when i don't do anything.....i feel useless and hopeless and without an aim. sighs sighs. but then again.....when i do mingle with my own affairs and the affairs of others....it makes things all the worst. and then i feel more like a failure than anything else in the world. sighs sighs. and when i feel like a failure....i loose every part of sensitivity about me. i become cold and i hate everyone. sighs sighs. it's prolly cause when i'm happy i'm like on top of the world..,....i don't care about n e one, but i care about everyone in the world if that makes n e sense. so far i have gained a new found hope. and yet everytime i fall into depression this is the feeling i come out of it with. hm. i think tommy was a whack to my head. and i suppose he brought out what i truly knew.

Just because something is near impossible doesn't make it wrong.