well, it's six sumthing now.....i suppose it's almost six.....hm....i've been awake since four. i couldn't sleep....even doe da sounds of rain were quite relaxing and everything....i feel all tense and depressed now....from yesterday's get together. so yeah....feeling actually quite crummy....but oh wellz...at least i had fun while the fun lasted. prolly bored da crap outta people walking in circles da whole time......

well if you came to da mall with meh on either da first of august or da fifth of august....here's a list of people i needda thank.....

first and formost, i would like to thank jean and ann. yeah.....u guys are sista's....so your thank you will be togetha....i just think it's cuta dat way....even doe both of ya deserve ur own lil shout of praise.....i'll do dat sum other time. well i dunno....i've been getting to noe ann lately....*smiles* yupz yupz....sooo happy. hehehe=>:D thanx for da gift....i may have given you da impression dat i dun like it....but actually i dun.....i LOVE IT!!!!! hehehe=>:D thanx people. hehehe=>:D i liked it soo muchie dat i forgot to say thanx till you reminded meh!!! i'm such a losa!!!! hehehehe=>:D *cheese* hehehehe=>:D such a big losa i am....but thanx...oh yeahz u people.....soo sollie ann dat u hadda skip art classie for da movies.....hehehe=>:D it wuz just special to have my whole gang minus one dere......but heck...still kool is dat alrite dat you skipped? hehehe=>:D

jenny, i dunno what you picked out...but i suppose u had a say to everything just like da rest of da gang......but hey.....thanx for da necklace....i'll be wearing it....hehehe=>:D yups yups....for my name starts with s. hehehehe=>:D

bri....hey.....it's enuff for three lil key chains...dey cute enuff.....hehehe=>:D mashi den dog, mashi, den dog. hehehehe=>:D good enuff to entertain meh for at least anotha hour or two. hehehe=>:D i'm such a losa and sucka for cute things. hahahaha=>:d u dun really need to get meh a gift ya noe.....da present for a b-day ain't important, it's da time u spend having to pick it out and having fun with people dat counts... so i dun really care if you buy meh a gift or not....hey u noe what??? practice playing chinese chess....i ain't great at it.....so yeah....i suppose ur pretty good....hehehe=>:d or at least wuz....hehehe=>:D

tony di di and benny ge ge. hehehehe=>:d thanx people for showing up. hehehe=>:D thanx for inviting meh ova for din din. hehehe=>:D great time watching people play chess. dat fat boi wit da stick thingy wuz quite entertaining....hehehe=>:D thanx for always letting meh come ova when i'm bored. hehehe=>:D even doe i'll end up boring myself at ur house, it's still more fun to be around friends....hehehe=>:d thanx people....

ken gor gor. hehehe=>:D yupz yupz....bessie dat bum bum....she should have came.....evil bum bum. hehehe=>:d oh wellz...thanx for coming....hehehe=>:d yeah....i made it so dat u could come...aw....dun u feel special?!?!? hehehe=>:D man....made ann mui mui miss art....hm....hope it alrite....but yeah....u should feel ashamed....hehehe=>:D j/ks j/ks.....ur special....hehehe=>:d

pat.....hehehe=>:D u came for da movie....u enjoy it?!? hehehe=>:d yupz yupz...where'd you go at tony's house...were u waiting for ya mommy ma?!?!? why didn't you come and talk and chill with us. wuz sumthing da matta and buggin ya? sighs sighs. i shall not question and interfere.....i just simply glad you showed, wish i spent more time with you to have known what wuz da matta, but heck........thanx for showing....hehehe=>:D

willy.....thanx for coming. hehehe=>:D u hitched i ride with will ko. den went to like br wit kev. hehehe=>:D at least i got to see two people dat i haven't seen for a long long time. hehehe=>:D it's all kool. hope i didn't bore ur ass off at da mall.....i wuz just well....had nothing betta to do den to walk around aimlessly. hehehe=>:D yupz yupz....hope you had fun.....heheh=>:d well have a great summa since i dun think i'll see u round muchie....so yeah....hehehe=>:d have fun!

I�ll put dis shout all together, trish, sarah, lorraine��hehehe=>:D thanx lor for lending meh dat 30$ to buy dat dress�..i shall be wearing it�.just u wait�.hehehe=>:d thanx sarah for showing�even doe you were quite quiet, but heck�.it wuz fun. Hehehe=>:D trish�..thanx for picking up my trash�..hehehehe=>:D:P yupz yupz�..it�s all good�.and no�.my trash does not way a ton�..maybe just close to one. Hehehehe=>:d yupz yupz�thanx for letting meh have a great time. Hehehe=.:D thanx thanx��

well now it's time for all dose dat i didn't see....but i wuz hoping to see....dis list is small......so yeah.....

VICTOR, I'M SOOO SORRY I DIDN'T COME!!!! i feel soo bad. i'll say dis....i didn't like set you up....i honestly did try to come....i'm serious.....i had everything prepared to give to ya.....i'm soooo sollie. i even have da bus transfer. ur line wuz buzy.....i'm sooooo sollie!!!!!

alfred....did you end you coming ma? sighs sighs. well hope you had fun whateva u were doing in de aftanoon....oh yeah...volunteer work.....have fun ma? tell meh all bout it at camp la. hehehe=>:D yupz yupz....hehehe=>:D

okayz....six sumthing now.....afta da post on top.....i purposely did dat so well.....thanx should be always before crappy feelings and such....yeah yeah....can't eva seem to noe why afta everytime i chill with those dat really close with meh dat i feel sooo crummy. why why?!?!? sighs sighs. but whateva.....at least i had fun while da fun lasted. sighs sighs......why why? i shall be going to sleep afta dis post......having a major headache coming on. sighs sighs....

obviously....i think my stares didn't go unnoticed....i just can't help to stare....it's not my fault....sighs sighs. yupz yupz...hope ya'll had fun. hehehe=>:D

i dunno....maybe i am really boring. sighs sighs.....da more i see it.....it's more as if i am supposed to be alone......but den again.....sumone who's alond wun have friends......and i have friends.....plenty of close friends.....but i haven't shared my thoughts to n e of em lately.....i simply just blog all my thoughts out, well da reason being....cause everyone has called meh a pessimistic depressing peice of shit at least once in all da times dat i wuz feeling in need of companionship. yeah.....my fear, is to loose you....to loose each and everyone of ya to da way dat i am.....i've lost much, felt pain too much, and add on to all dat.....i think tooo muchie.....not a good combination.....it's not my fault.....u can't change the past, but u can change the future by changing the present......but it's not my fault dat i dun succeed....but is it? sighs sighs....amd i such a miserable person da way i am now? each and every quiz will always say i'm a good friend, one dat is a great companion, but am i? maybe u people should rate meh. sighs sighs.

yeah bri....ur rite.....u could care less each and everytime and everything that i have a breakdown to......but for meh.....i can only care more. is it my fault i really care so much? is it my fault that i give a damn to everything? is it my fault that i treasure everything in my lyphe, even when i'm feeling crappy and such? is it my fault? yeah.....i seem to either be in self-denial of sumthing or like simply feeling deprived. deprived of what....i shall neva noe....but maybe i do noe....and maybe dat's da problem.

i give you all my best.....in return....i simply want ur respect and love. some people need more love than others.....maybe i'm just one of those who will always feel crippled and afraid. sighs sighs. as i write this thought.....tears suddenly stream through my eyes causing meh to be unable to see what it is dat i'm writing. but i have no need to read it from the screen....i noe what i'm typing far too well.....sighs sighs.

all my lyphe.....i've been a spoiled brat....everything that i wanted....i could have....and now i can't have sumthing.....it's just not fair......grrrr......i simply just haveta not want, not need......u rememba dat song i wuz singing in da care....yeah...replace da name....i feel like dat....cept dat person's still my friend.....will always still be my friend.....

i finally have an analogy to how it feels to literally support sumone. to support sumone in need feels kinda like dis feeling....sumone is trying to balance everything in dere lyphe....dey grab first at nothing.....almost loosing balance....den....sumone comes along...gives em a hand in which to help supporting em to balance.....u feel obligated to help em...maybe outta pure utter compassion...but you do. feeling da joy dat dey feel. feeling da ups and downs togetha.....pure sadness brings two people closer. i wonder where i got dat example aye? in my lyphe, i've helped many....but in times of need....where are da many dat i've helped....oh wellz....i'll be fine....hehehe=>:D