okayz....six sumthing now.....afta da post on top.....i purposely did dat so well.....thanx should be always before crappy feelings and such....yeah yeah....can't eva seem to noe why afta everytime i chill with those dat really close with meh dat i feel sooo crummy. why why?!?!? sighs sighs. but whateva.....at least i had fun while da fun lasted. sighs sighs......why why? i shall be going to sleep afta dis post......having a major headache coming on. sighs sighs....

obviously....i think my stares didn't go unnoticed....i just can't help to stare....it's not my fault....sighs sighs. yupz yupz...hope ya'll had fun. hehehe=>:D

i dunno....maybe i am really boring. sighs sighs.....da more i see it.....it's more as if i am supposed to be alone......but den again.....sumone who's alond wun have friends......and i have friends.....plenty of close friends.....but i haven't shared my thoughts to n e of em lately.....i simply just blog all my thoughts out, well da reason being....cause everyone has called meh a pessimistic depressing peice of shit at least once in all da times dat i wuz feeling in need of companionship. yeah.....my fear, is to loose you....to loose each and everyone of ya to da way dat i am.....i've lost much, felt pain too much, and add on to all dat.....i think tooo muchie.....not a good combination.....it's not my fault.....u can't change the past, but u can change the future by changing the present......but it's not my fault dat i dun succeed....but is it? sighs sighs....amd i such a miserable person da way i am now? each and every quiz will always say i'm a good friend, one dat is a great companion, but am i? maybe u people should rate meh. sighs sighs.

yeah bri....ur rite.....u could care less each and everytime and everything that i have a breakdown to......but for meh.....i can only care more. is it my fault i really care so much? is it my fault that i give a damn to everything? is it my fault that i treasure everything in my lyphe, even when i'm feeling crappy and such? is it my fault? yeah.....i seem to either be in self-denial of sumthing or like simply feeling deprived. deprived of what....i shall neva noe....but maybe i do noe....and maybe dat's da problem.

i give you all my best.....in return....i simply want ur respect and love. some people need more love than others.....maybe i'm just one of those who will always feel crippled and afraid. sighs sighs. as i write this thought.....tears suddenly stream through my eyes causing meh to be unable to see what it is dat i'm writing. but i have no need to read it from the screen....i noe what i'm typing far too well.....sighs sighs.

all my lyphe.....i've been a spoiled brat....everything that i wanted....i could have....and now i can't have sumthing.....it's just not fair......grrrr......i simply just haveta not want, not need......u rememba dat song i wuz singing in da care....yeah...replace da name....i feel like dat....cept dat person's still my friend.....will always still be my friend.....

i finally have an analogy to how it feels to literally support sumone. to support sumone in need feels kinda like dis feeling....sumone is trying to balance everything in dere lyphe....dey grab first at nothing.....almost loosing balance....den....sumone comes along...gives em a hand in which to help supporting em to balance.....u feel obligated to help em...maybe outta pure utter compassion...but you do. feeling da joy dat dey feel. feeling da ups and downs togetha.....pure sadness brings two people closer. i wonder where i got dat example aye? in my lyphe, i've helped many....but in times of need....where are da many dat i've helped....oh wellz....i'll be fine....hehehe=>:D