i will be singo....why? because i'll push you away....sigh sighs...it's depressing i know....but what? too bad....i feel like puking...i feel sooo sick......

don't know what i'm doing this friday....so what? too bad....doesn't matter...

for once, i think i busted up my knuckles...it comletely hurts to be typing now. and they are like purple and swollen. well oh wellz. tooo bad...... stupid piano....i hate stupid hymanals....hate playing em...hate singing em...args args.....i don't even know why i bother to hurt myself like so. it's sooo stupid and redundant. it's just not worth it. but then again...if it gets people that i don't want further away from me........then that's good is it not? i am frustrated.....why? at who? myself? args.....i hate everything. i hate it all. can't lightning just hit me and i die? args args.

so frustrated....args args.....anger...args args.....wanna just like die....and like disppear from here forever....argsargs

for some reason, at least i still have real player media browser.....i would be like going crazy without anyway to post my thoughts.....

don't know what i want to happen, all i know is dat i don't wanna feel the way i feel now. but i don't even know how i feel. i'm happy, but disraught. i'm upset, but i'm feeling pleasant. hm...weird.....contradictory......placid....

i can't get to any of my window's programs. slowly my pc is being corrupted by a stupid virus. everytime i log on it's making it worst. and the thing is. i just can't fix it. args