no one wants pity, this i know from first hand experience. but, there are those times that you wish that pity was something you got because you want it. hm, if you say being alone is fine to you, then why do you bother to say always be in the company of friends. if being in the company of friends is only because you want to have a good time or simply not think, then you are just using those you call friends. friends are there for you and should be willing to be used, but if you constantly use them, then it grows tiring and it's just not right. being friends is a two way thing, it's about the taking and the giving. my true point is, if it doesn't but you to be alone, why do you bother to be in the company of friends? you have friends so you are not alone, then you are just lying to me when you say it doesn't bother you because you are used to it. the truth is, it does bug you. i don't know why i needed to make that point clear, but i just did. hm, i also remember, this...."two is better than one, for if one man falls, the other may help them up, but pity the man that has no one to help him." there must be something you don't want others to say if you say that lonliness doesn't bug you. for loneliness brings out the worst thoughts in any man. and it's the truth. unless it is solitude with the LORD, you will end up feeling completely miserable. see, it's solitude with the LORD. so therefore, you are still not alone, no man is made to have no friends. when you have no friends, it is simply because you have rejected everyone that has come your way and offered you a hand.

there's something about your thoughts that make me miserable. it makes me feel hollow. but your thoughts always reassure my faith somehow. maybe it's because i know all those textbook answers about how to be a christian, and now what i have to do is to learn to apply. so first thing is first, i must cut out my profanity. no matter how hard, i must try.

you know, if you are not remembered, then you never exsisted. i disagree with this statement sooo bad. GOD remembers each and everyone one of you. that means therefore you have always exsisted. and will always exsist. even before you were made in your mother's womb, GOD already had everything planned out for you. yeah, i must bring GOD into this picture when it comes to my arguing points when it comes to this. there is no other way to to make you see the light unless i bring it out and share the ever flickering candle. just because you are not remembered as a physical form, it does not mean that you have never exsisted. everyone is like the man who walks on the beach leaving a set of footprints. but eventually, the tides comes in and washes the footprints away. the point is, no matter how many sets of footprints that you leave, they will eventually over time be gone. not everyone man can be a beetoven or a mozart. not everyone could be an alexander bell or a newton. that was their purpose in life, and that's what GOD set as their mission. just because you can't leave a mark the way you want do does not mean that you do not exsist. just because you can't touch the hearts of the ones you know, it does not mean that you haven't touched the heart of someone you don't know. i know you understand me, because you always do, even when i'm bsing crap.

we cannot become the devil. we never were the devil, we never will be. unless we let the devil to run our lives, we will never be him. plus, even if we allowed him to run our life, he can only run our life, but you know, GOD is still always in control. human actions can be cruel, but that's because the hearts of man have become more and more corrupted. the phrase is over exaggerating. humans are cruel, but they will always have a conscience. HUMANS WILL ALWAYS HAVE A CONSCIENCE, unless they let the devil to consume every part of their living form and control their soul. we are the image of GOD. GOD is love, and therefore, we will always be that image of love. the world can only hinder and harden our hearts so that our "lueng sum" becaomes weaker. yes, weaker, not stronger. becoming more unsensitive is not a positive thing. tears are not a sign of weakness, but rather a sign of strength. one must understand the power of tears. as a child, tears are something that a child didn't understand, but as growing up, there are more things that become more apparent and understandable. we will never be the devil, the devil can only ever want to control us, but being under control is not the same as being someone.

the future is something to see. if you see no future, then you will work for nothing at all. But simply, GOD gave us hopes and dreams of the future. just because our future is unclear to us, it does not mean that we do not have a future. maybe your future is to die of some noble cause, but that's your mission, that's your future. the future is the next second in front of us. the future is what we are uncertain of, but sure that it exsists. a second to GOD is like a million years for us. therefore, how can we be certain that there is no future? your future is already planned, and saying that we create it, it's only being somewhat athiest if you ask me. you are not athiest and you know that GOD has already planned your life, then why are you bothering to write that that's how you live? i don't understand and i don't need to understand, but my insight is what i see and i can only help you if you allow me to help you, but most of all, you must allow GOD to help you if you want to stop thinking of such things or whatever you are thinking

yeah, life is the survival of the fittest, i have never doubted that. but who is allowed to judge that you are fit or unfit? no one can judge that except for GOD. even as yourself, you are unworthy of such a task. you do not have the priviledge to call anyone unfit even though they don't fall under your "fit" version of a person. it's one thing for people to believe that you are unfit, but when you, yourself, start to doubt that wether you are fit or unfit. then i must warn you that you are already tooo close to the edge. are you feeling hollow? i mean, life only comes by around once, there is no such thing as reincarnation. i know, that not many people will be like me, so very suicidal, but for a fact, those thoughts are on the minds of everyone even if it is only once in a lifetime. there is no time to be calling yourself unfit. as i've said before, look at this, you cannot be unfit, because if you were unfit, you would not have a mission. as a creation of GOD, there is a mission, GOD gave us each and everyone a mission that is why he created us. what makes you fit or unfit is whether or not you want to accept this mission or not. "meen kung mo hun fuk ga" if you even bother to understand. there is nothing good in unwillingness.

hm, i must say that there are people that don't carry scars. i mean, this person isn't just a plain man. there are those that are physical wounds that may have been too badly injured to heal, or there is the emotional type. having a scar is holding a grudge. in other words, it's just my opinion. a grudge is symply bitter feelings toward misfortunes and bad incidences that have happened in our life. basically, all humans have this bitter feeling, but not towards all emotional wounds. one, there's a little something that is called moving on. moving on simply is the accepting the fact that you got hurt, and understanding why you did. with this understanding, you try and may achieve to becoming a better you. yeah, change, i hate that word now, but it is sumthing that happens every day. scars don't run your life, they shouldn't. there is a reason for everything. there is a time for everything. GOD does nothing to purposely hurt you. he has promised that he would never put us under any circumstance that he knows that we could not stand under. therefore, he knows that we will have scars, but, as humans, he gave us the choice upon how to deal upon the scars that have formed. shall we leave these wounds to remain open and let it get infected, or shall we let it heal under proper nourture and such?