being broken hearted is not a feeling that anyone wants to be in. even though it is a pain that is undescribable, there are still people who would rather be in this state than to have never loved at all. this is very true. i am one of these people. many people, fall time and time again; they become discouraged and never want to love again. there are still those that avoid loving anyone or anything. they just do not show any emotion or trust because they are unwilling to get hurt.

being in love does not make you blind and make unwise decisions. when you are in love, you see more clearly, but you are willing to make many many large sacrifices. what hurts the most about being broken hearted is when you think about all that you sacrificed. but think about it this way, if you never sacrificed anything, then you would not be where you are now.

people when they are broken hearted have many reactions. some deny the fact that the person broke up with them. some get angry at the person and hate the person for life. some simply don't really move on, except that they just find another mate for their life. some people quickly forgive them and move on with their lives. all these reactions are normal. really depends where you are in life really. 4 steps to acceptance i believe. denial, anger, depression, acceptance. so basically, 3 towards acceptance, but four steps altogether. hm. i don't know where i learnt that. and i think i have them in the wrong order, but i know that acceptance is always the last step in the process. so when you are in denial or feeling angry or feeling depressed, just remember that there are brighter times up ahead. surely, you may think i'm just being optimistic, but really, i am, and that's how it should be when you are upset. you simply never have a bad day, it's just not as good as others. so don't worry about any of it. if you were put in that situation, you will be lead out of it one way or another.

being broken hearted makes you think irrationally sometimes. at times, you give up all home and become suicidal. other times, you feel sooo grim that nothing in life will ever be the same again. the truth is, why a long time solution to a short time problem? that's what i learnt in a psychology seminar. then, also, being heartbroken does leave you being changed. simply no one and nothing can be the same year after year. everything is a test to improve you. no human is ever perfect. no one was even close to it, besides JESUS CHRIST. all you unbelievers out there may scorn or laugh or taunt, but really, if i know something is true, why should i let you bother me? well anyways. a test is to make you a better person. time and time again you ask why me? but the truth is, that's not the question to ask, but rather, "why should it not be me?" it's a proven fact that it's better to have hard times younger in life than it is to have them later. it is proven that having trials at a young age make you adapt easier when you get older. kekeke^^ this is very true, so instead of getting angry, and denying and never giving up the person you "lost", embrace it. by embracing the fact, you learn to accept it and move on more quickly. no reason to act and think irrational thoughts.

i don't know where my entry is leading to, i haven't been heartbroken for a long time now. and i honestly still remember that feeling though. but then again, my feeling of being heartbroken is just a tad more serious as being let down by someone that is very close to me. maybe it's because i'm used to being let down and let go in my life. even though time and time again this happen to me in my life, i never become numb to it even though i say i am. i am not a stoic type of person. i do not simply like not feeling. no matter how much it hurts, i rather it hurt than to feel as if i'm not hurting. if i'm not hurting i'd think i was dying or sumthing.

the key to accepting being broken up is not to move on. if you just fall for everyone in your life, you fall for all the wrong people and make all the wrong decisions. a relationship is a serious matter no matter what you think. people's feelings are nothing sumthing you can just play with day in and day out. people's feelings are way too important to treat them like a toy that can be broken and glued back. you ask if the person you "lost" will one day come to and figure out things, but the truth is, even if they do not, you should be able to live with being alone first. if you cannot handle your own life, your family life, your friends, then it is not time to be intimate with someone. this i truly find is true, but this is my perspective on being heartbroken and falling in love again.

in about a week, i will have about another 100 entries. i think like crazy. i always end up posting them here. keke^^ it's great. i don't know. but it is great. sighs sighs. why am i sighing? oh wellz. keke^^ me wanna go to da gym again! yeah yeah. gym very very fun. but that's cause i like going on the elliptical. i don't even know how to spell it. i think that is how you spell it. i swear, i should just buy one of those machines cause that is the one i use the most at the gym. so yeah. meh. well the way to keep fit and loose weight is still do exercise, eat less at least more healthy n e ways, and lots of water. keke^^

well i haven't lost n e pounds, if anything, i've been gaining. args args. but the point of going to the gym for myself is to go and feel great about myself. because if i do not go, i start feeling more lazy and unwilling to do stuff. so yeah. keke^^

my daddy is like giving me 5 dollars every time i invest time in walking with the dog and the family. keke^^ i think it's great. plus, i get 5 dollars. but then again, i don't get allowance n e more. but that's only because i have stopped asking my mommy to give me money because i end up spending it all. and that's not what i want to do. so meh. this year, i'm planning to buy cards. if not, at least make my own, but as i am quite limited, i am not very creative. sighs sighs. i'm neither super left brained nor am i super right brained. even surveys show that i am quite right in the middle. sighs sighs. maybe that just makes me who i am. i am nothing special, but i am not nothing. keke^^ man, i only have a few more points to be a genius. sighs sighs. but instead of being a genius, i only have an iq of like 132. blah....is genius like at 140? args args. man, but then what makes a person genius and super insane? blah. oh wellz. who is it for people to judge whether i am capable of what i want to do or not? no one except GOD. keke^^

wow.....i've become more and more fob. keke^^ been practicing my mando skills lately. it's quite fun. but i'm still afraid to speak in public. besides say "ga ma?!?" and like "dui bu qi, wo bu ming bai la." i don't say much else in public. i just don't like the way i sound when i speak in mandarin. but meh. i just don't like my voice except when i'm singing, and even then, i still wish i would stop changing octaves. but either way, singing for me is a GOD given talent.

it's weird, i will never be exceptionally well at anything i do, but i will be able to do everything i touch. and i can only pray that everything i try to do will be a success. but many people say that even just trying is success enough. keke^^

yes, val and i were right. val's mommy was right. hm. there was something in her that we just didn't see. maybe because we didn't want to see or sumthing. hm. i know my feelings for her still won't change. i mean, i've lost a lot of respect for her, but either way, did we not expect something like this to happen?

she is human. blah, humans ain't perfect. i'm used to that. so if she can forgive herself, i can forgive her too. If GOD is able to forgive anyone, i may as well try my hardest to forgive her. plus it's not actions she did to me, it is actions that affect her mostly. she has no one to blame but herself.

it's not the fact that she did those things that drives me insane. what drives me insane is that she is blaming her own actions on other people! that i really hate. but i know i do it too. so if i get mad at her for just that reason, then well, you know, i would be making myself more and more of a hypocrite. so basically, i forgive her. that's just the way i am. i still love them even if they want to hate me.

just look at winston as an example. sighs. i don't even know what the hell i did to that kid. he treated me like shit and i still miss that kid. what the hell right? well yeah, if you wanna ask me later, i'll tell you the whole story. keke^^ but still, winston hates me, i don't know what i did to him. i miss him even though i know he doesn't miss any part of me. so yeah.

if i can still love him and forgive him for treating me like crap, i can forgive her la. sighs sighs. even though i don't wish that this happened, but it did. there's nothing i can do except to accept and move on.