nites to the world...nites to eveyone...

relationships....you can't live witout them...and you can't live without them. sighs sighs...girl...you don't read my thoughts...but sighs sighs....don't worry so muchie. sighs sighs. maybe it was your fault...but don't dwell on it. get over the fact that you made a mistake. you can't go around and turn back the hands of time. what must you do for people to understand. what must you do to allow yourself to understand yourself....sighs sighs......

wanna leave and never come back...

sighs...relationships......sighs sighs...you can't live without them...and it's a struggle to live with them. sighs sighs. i want to be that loner in the corner for the rest of my life. at least then i will learn to cope with being by myself. sighs sighs....

being solemn is what you make of it....if you wanted people to talk...maybe screaming at each other accomplishes more than you think...sighs sighs......args args...maybe i'm inflicting my life upon others...maybe i should just walk away and stop caring for everything and everyone and anything that exsists on this earth...

i am trying to raise my weekly average of posting.....but oh wellz....i would need to post like 20 sumthing....meh...no one cares....

ni tian tian dao yao jing tian.......ni yong yuan dao bu hui kuai le ma? sighs sighs....wo bu zhi dao wei she me ni bu xi huan ni de ming.....ni zhi bu zhi dao le? args......stupid blogger...can't type in chinese now i must type in ping ying...args....

my tears mean nothing even if i'm crying for you.....or because of you....or with you....

it doesn't matter how you changed but rather why you changed that matters. i can't help but to cry. my heart feels soo heavy. i don't know why....but it just feels soo heavy. every little thing matters....and don't you tell yourself or believe other wise. you live in a worst manner when everything is just "whatever"'s and "i don't care"'s. if nothing matters....then i do not matter...then maybe i should just not care what you think anymore if i don't matter. but i don't know anything anymore. i just wanna like jump over a cliff....so whatever. maybe i'll cross the road and just not look twice.....

no one cares...the world only cares about it's own affaires. so it doesn't matter what i think...because no one else cares anyways. sighs sighs...

args args....i don't feel good. but i know i will.....but i also know how it feels to be very very happy. everyone goes to violence....sighs sighs....args....

jump a cliff......

on a daily week....how many stupid thoughts do i post up? sighs sighs. i'm tired...but i can't sleep.....but no one cares. i'm cranky...but no one cares. i'm crying....but no one cares. i'm having a breakdown in a corner...but there is no comfort being alone. i suppose i came alone...so i shall leave alone forever...sighs sighs.

sighs sighs......i want a long term fix. sighs sighs.

i've been standing here all alone by myself. why do i feel sooo alone??? why do i allow myself to feel soo alone? why do i want to cry all the time??? why do i feel this way all the time now? why am i so cold and in the dark. hm.....i have a bad eyes....i can't see in the dark...sighs sighs...and they say night blindness was only in men....jeebers....they were lying because my eyes are so bad that well.....i'm almost blind when it's dark. i want to close my eyse and never open them. but that would never happen. i would not be allowed to be blind mute or deaf. sighs sighs.

i'm going away and i don't know when i'll be back again.....

man...someone give me a darnded cliff. tie me to an old broken bungee cord. args args. why do i feel soo stupid. sighs sighs. i'm upset....but there's no way i can't be. i haven't been sleeping well...and i don't think i shall. args this is so darned annoying. sighs sighs. one of these days.....i will give you a gift.....sighs sighs....

i've lost my philosophical me......but...then again....i don't think i ever could....

hm...what's real and what's fake now? what crosses that line of friendship and enemy. what crosses the line of love and hate? if love is so closely related hate...then what is the difference?

sighs.....a pawn of this world.......wow.....you truely are a poet of sorts.

you know...i don't know when thenext time i will see you....but i know i will have a lack of hair....but meh.....meh no very mind.....

it's not the outside that counts...it how your insides make your outsides look....hm....worded soo funnay....whack....

hm...just because something symbolized soo much and is now broken does not mean that in life what it symbolized is gone forever. it is simply the reason that one must move on. something so precious to you has all the greatest meaning, but maybe you are just dwelling on one to many things. maybe in this broken cross....you can find new symbolism in something broken. it contained the sane side of you...and the cheerful part of all you exsisted for....but maybe in this sense... it now means you should live all that you represented out....

i'm being hypocritical....case i know it takes me a while to understand why sumthing is lost or broken.....or never to be found again......but....sighs sighs....there's nothing i can do cept speak....

hm.....whack....i haven't posted many thoughts for a while. but the thing is....i've been as troubled as hell could ever be. i can't sleep at night now. and i can't talk as much because i lost my motivation to do anything. you definately know something is wrong with me....i haven't been able to do anything except sleep. yeah....talking is my favourite pass-time and i seem to not want to talk at all. there must be sumthing wrong. i'm talking to val on the phone and the instant i call her....i don't know what to say. i'm falling deeper into depression. i can feel it. i can't smile. and all i think of is what i dream of. and what i dream of is what i think of. it's soo sad. sighs sighs.