happiness. is it a state of mind? or is happiness sumthing that can only be achieved? i guss being at this age, everything is made so difficult because u want learn who u are and who ur not. then, to add on to everything, hiding certain feelings bak ain't good either.i supposed that everyone hides behind a certain wall and mask. it all depends how different your mask looks from who u really are or how thick and what material your wall is made up of.

i can remember at the time when i was six, there was an art assignment which i had to design a mask. i don't have it any more, nor do i keep anything that really reminds me of what i did in the past. you might ask why? welll here's my answer, there are just some things u don't want to be constantly reminded of and you can always make new memories, even if it is no longer in physical form. well bak to when i was six, the mask i designed was how i really thought. it might have been really colourful looking and all. sorta happy looking from far away, but then when u looked at it from up close, it felt as if the mask wuz unhappy or crying in some way. i can remember when the teachers saying it wuz soo pretty and colourful, but then you could also hear what they said to other teachers. you dunno what dey said, but it went sumthing like dis, "it's colourful ain't it? it's coloured so well too. she's only six! it's happy, but it looks sumwhat sad, just looking at the eye slits looks like it's crying." in a sense i guess the eyes are the window to how u are. but then again, how can u noe that one is happy and truely being oneself? it's very difficult. very.

i think too much, and i'm told this everyday. i guess i am just that way, i like to think. i care too much. i want too little. i expect and hope just hte right amount, but can be soo easily let down. i guess my thoughts have no beginning, no end, no real thought.

but as everyone moves on in lyphe or faces a hard time, i just want to remind n e one, that through all things, big or small, it will all pass. a constant reminder that i always have, suicide ain't bad. it prolly feels way better then being in a shortime crisis. and that's exactly it. suicide is a longtime decision for a shortime dilema. so yeah. keep that in mind. NEVER GIVE UP HOPE AND FAITH. like a friend once told me, faith is knowing one of two things (or maybe both) that when u are down and falling, u will find that solid ground to stand on or either that or just be taught how to fly. amazing aye? just the simplest words really cause one to think aye? hehehe=>:D hugs kisses ya'll....chill outz