i suppose it's that constant fear that i have of never having anyfriends. maybe it's that fear that i have seen one too many times manifest itself in my life. sighs sighs. i mean, there are really few white people that i talk to and trust with my whole heart. i mean, those that i hang out with now that are white, i rarely ever tell them anything. maybe it's because they are those type of people that only listen because they want to tell you seomthing. you can say that i'm rascist. it's not that i don't want to trust people of different skin colour, i know colour is just a tint. sighs sighs it's because well, you see, all my life, even as a little child, no white person would come up to willingly. and now, i have become distant to the place that i live now.

yeah yeah, it's for certain that i shall be moving now. i am moving into brampton. yeah, but it doesn't matter to any of you because well, i will be graduating anyways. and plus if my friendship is all that tyte with my friends, i will have my friends still.

but am i that type of person? will i be that type of clingy person that when i have new things that i would throw away the old? i mean, i know i do that to clothes sometimes. hm, but i don't go clothes shopping anymore.

hm, going to pacific mall saturday night. i'm soo happy!!! keke. i mean, i'll be totally white in an asian place. sighs sighs, why don't i fit in anywhere? sigh sighs. i'm too asian in a white town, and too white in an asian place. sighs sighs. it's not fair. sighs sighs.

going downtown like next wednesday...wait...next next wednesday. so yeah. my daddy doesn't want me to go out, but my mommy has no objections.

i know both my prents really love me, but why does my mommy not object? i mean, i told her and she didn't ask with whom i'm going with. what the? she once told me that she knows that if i don't go out when i make plans to go out, she knows that i'll be depressed for like a really long while. but my mommy also knows that those that i hang out with are those that she can trust. she knows that i won't do something stupid. she knows that if i were feeling awkward in a situation, i would do sumthing. keke^^ it's funny how my mommy noes me soo well.

but why does my mom know i'll go into depression? hm....am i chronically ill? sighs sighs.