it's inevitable for meh to feel dis way. dere's no way of stopping it. i can't even explain myself. church is tomorrow...dun wanna go..
i've lost all my meaning in lyphe. i find no enjoyment...no joy at all. the fruits of the spirit are love joy peace patience kindness goodness faithfulness gentleness and self-control. in all of these....i lack all. sighs. i feel so useless, feel aimless...feel soo hopeles.. pain no longer excites me....pains just pain....no matta what form it takes. nothing thrills me.....actually...nothing really does. i do what i do only cause i need to, no other motive den dat....pointlessness....arg!!! everything is soo pointless....

no one can always be here for me.....no one....only GOD, but i dunno.....i guess he's just not soo much in my lyphe as i thought he wuz. sighs. physically i really need sumone...i'm weak....so derefore i should rely on him more, but i dun....i've ran far far away.

i'm afraid....afraid of fear itself.....afraid of finding hope...afraid of loosing all hope...AFRAID.