writing my thoughts in class. this is the only class that i am able to do this. i mean, i'm sitting hear and i'm jsut becoming more bored. and my thoughts....why do i haveta think?!?!? its driving me insane. i am not happy now. i am in tears. and my wounds won't seem to heal. there's just soo much that time cannot erase. people ask me why i am so nice to them, the answer is, it's because being nice gives me satisfaction. seeing people happy makes me happy. there's too much that makes me think. maybe being insane would make me better. hm.....i think tooo muchi. it's tooo crazy, that life makes me this way. maybe subconsciously, i think. i've been having bad dreams lately. i've been getting beaten by people. it sux. i don't believe this. this is insane. why do i have to have dreams like this? hm. people think i'm nice and they like it when people are nice to them. but then behind my back...everyone thinks i'm nice only for a reason. deep down inside you question my motives, i know it. sighs sighs. maybe being this way is what i shouldn't be. all my life i've tried to be happy. i'm supposed to be fulfilled and satisfied, but i just feel this longing and emptyness inside of me that i cannot get rid of. no smiles comes to me n e more. sighs sighs. don;t understand why i feel this way. it's really making me depressed. and right now, i wish to not be near anyone. i just want to hide in mmy own little shelter. but what shelter is that?!?! there is no where for me to run. there is no where for me to hide. there is nothing but the present. being unhappy isn't the end of the world, or is it? i tried suffocating myself last night. sighs sighs. i will never do that again, i must not....sighs sighs. why am i sooo suicidal?!?!? i don't understand. there is sooo much i know. knowledge inflicts fear. fear inflicts pain. sighs sighs. my immortal.....my fave english song at the present moment, but it drives me crazy at the same time. who actually reads all my thoughts? i write too many a day for people to understand the complexities of my mind. but yet, my mind isn't so complexed, it's very simple. sighs sighs.